I am trying so hard to understand why? What does this mean? What now? How do I make this work? I am trying very hard to accept this new life. SCI has changed verything...my dreams, hope and vision for the future. I 'm a loving wife and care giver. I am a mother and a daughter; I am a child of this universe! Where do I go from here?
After surgery due to a benign tumor inside the spine, my husband of 25 years is a T4 complete paraplegic, I am trying so hard to take care of his personal needs.. not much time if any, for me... Is it possible to hope for a long life? Will we be able to be grandparents and grow old together?...please can someone who has been in this condition for a longer time than us, tell me is this dream still possible?
It has been 18 months for us and I want to believe.......... I suppose living for today is a good thing, which we do!! but, what about tomorrow? Is there a tomorrow?
Hope, I can hear from many of you. I have much to give..there is goodness and kindness in me! Right now..I also need, helping souls!! Hope you find your way to me..
Dear Dr Dan,
I am so happy to hear from you, I have being keeping up to date with your postings. You are truly, a light in the night for me.
My husband Thierry and I are 51 years old, we love each other, always have, we have being blessed with a great marriage, we talk, and plan and hope for the future, always did . Needless is to say that we have good days and some not so ... We have a 23 years daughter, who just graduated from the university recently. We have hopes and dreams and we want to grow old together. Oh, what a wonderful thing this would be!! We want to be grandparents; we want life, love, and hope and have fun together. We want a tomorrow.
About pain...Well, I will speak for me, as a care giver 24/7...it is so very difficult, physically, emotionally and spiritually. For me, the emotional and spiritual part has being the hardest... But, will keep believing God loves me and this enormous challenge have been giving to me because, He knows I can endure it. Sometimes, I can't help thinking, He forgot about me.
I often ask God why?
When, I think about our lives, I must say my world started and will end with this man, I so love. I have a choice to make and my choice is to live, hope and cherish every moment we have together.
I work from home now at days, take care of my small business knowing it is up to me to keep the financial part going to meet our bills. I take care of my Thierry's physical needs and take pride in keeping him healthy. I take care of everything. I worry about getting sick or worse, who will take care of him? Those are my thoughts, my concerns. But, I try to stay away from thinking too much. I try to live today and cherish it, as if there is no tomorrow. Like Thierry always says, today is a present...enjoy it!
But, I want tomorrow. I want us...
Dr Dan, you are an incredible man. You must have a great spirit! How wise you are! Thank God for you. I can't be part of your Tuesdays' discussions, I am working then but, I hope you feel compel to continue talking to me. I sure need an understanding heart.
Thank you for replying, I was ready to stop posting. I am so glad I did not give up.
This Memorial Day weekend, I encouraged my husband to dare and finally after 18 months after paralysis.. Dare to do more.. We rented a wheelchair accessible mini van and went from Miami (our home town) to Key Largo, Fla. I wanted to bring part of our past to our present. I just wanted to feel things somehow were still the same. . We had a wonderful day and I felt so blessed... I know he was happy! I also was!
Thierry, tried to go up the mini van ramp without me (I was getting things out from the trunk) I heard him call me and I found him on the ground. He was bleeding from the back of the head and I thought the worse. In that moment, I called out to the Lord and said "please don't, I need him". He answered me because my Thierry turned out to be fine, needless is to say the paramedics came and he was fully checked. I drove back to Miami, so grateful, he was alive and fine. I did not care anymore to stay for the night. things are not what they use to be but, we are still here..(I had prepared fully, with all he needed to have. I had worked so hard all week to make this happen). But, it did not matter any more. I had my husband, he was fine! Thank God... Yes, Dr Dan, what have we have done to deserve this wealth? So we live and we are grateful for the moments. We live, we love and life is a miracle we cherish.. We will never know why this is our lives now, not in this life time most likely but, we know our lives have meaning and each day is a blessing. Thank God for today and its miracles.
Dear Dr Dan,
I read your posting for the second time tonight, I realized how your words are similar to what my husband tells me about his physical distress.
I see paralyzis thorugh my eyes as a care giver but, how about you? all of you who are deadling with this.
The physciall stress on the body must be so ,so very challanging.. I can only imagen.. but, I will really never trully know..
I am glad you were able to enjoy a beautiful moment.
For me, I will say, I will try my best to do the same each time I can.
Nanette, Yes, your mail is very helpfull, you are not overbearing. not at all!! the input is very welcome. You have been dealing with this situation much longer than me. I appreciate your words and advice.
There is no answer to why. We just do not know why, perhaps one day in another life, another dimension, we will know. I refuse to believe things as deep as this just happen at random. How can so much despair, pain, suffering and heart ache be just because.... Lets all remember that we can only really understand our souls with deep understanding of our emotions. The more we can endure the more we get it... What is the meaning of life, really what is it? Is it not to love. Let's love and believe things will get better. No matter what better is. And let's receive and give love. Then and only then we will know why.
Hi Dr Dan,
Hope you are doing well. I am trying my best to do the same.
You asked in this forum a few days ago, if we wanted to know how is it to be a quadriplegia. Well..yes. ...I want to know.
I am afraid the answer is impossible for me to understand. Why do I say this? Well, I am not one. I am a care giver..and I realize is not the same. However, I want to hear about it.
I want to know how it is possible to triumph despite the limitations. I have read about much despair and pain from many of us. It is all ok.. we are all hurting in one way or another. I hope however, we can all also share the hope....
Pain and hope, I am not saying I know the answers because I do not..But, I know these two words really summarize our existence. The question is... which one are we going to focus on? I want to choose hope. How about you and all others reading this post?
Is life worth chosing for hope?
And so they came for 1,000 years..And they found favor from the King. Goodness and mercy followed them.
How about this....
I try to keep this in perspective and not be consumed by the daily struggles of paralysis in our lives.
"The divine child is always an orphan" This is so true in so many levels.
Yes.. We are alone to come to understand our souls, to find its purpose and destiny. And so we struggle for the answers on this journey we are part of. In the solitude of our thoughts, in meditation and/or prayers, Can we see the bigger picture like the stonecutter did?
I am searching!