So just between you and me, let's talk a little Buddhist first and then I'll answer your question. You know you don't really get swallowed by a huge void, that huge void is an experience that does not quite have a voice. There have been many times I have been overwhelmed with despair, hopelessness, terror or painful sense of aloneness. But the operational phrase in that previous sentence is "many times". So each time one of these very dark emotions visits, it feels like an old friend. Or probably more accurately, and unexpected visit from an annoying in law! But, it's an emotion that I no longer wrestle with.
Okay, your question about my "so-called" resilience. I may have partially answered it above. But I attribute my resilience to so many factors. I've mentioned many of them before: my health insurance which gives me 24-hour nursing, my genetics, my family, many friends, a career that invites me to open my heart and benefit others and many other factors. But one of the most pivotal is a story I tell often. When I was in ICU and suicidal, a nurse approached me one night knowing nothing of my despair only knowing I was a psychologist. She asked if she could talk to me and told me of her despair over some recent losses. She told me that she felt her life was too painful to live not knowing that was exactly how I felt. And because of my experience, I was able to listen to her in a way I've never listened to anyone. I know she felt my compassion as she sat how grateful she was that I listened. When she left, I knew I still had value and wholeness because I was able to help someone.
I'm sorry you suffer I wish you didn't have to. But I'm reminded of what Gerda Weissmann Klein once said. She is a Holocaust survivor and a social activist using her story to teach children compassion. She said "no pain should be wasted
Dan Gottlieb Ph.D.
www.DrDanGottlieb.com
