I am very new at this forum; in fact this is my second posting. However, I am so glad to be here and be able to correspond with others having the same issues.
I too, had to make this decision, in my case it was business related but, the bottom line is that..I felt guilty.. and scared for my husband's well being, After all.. a care giver's role is to provide safety to our loved one.
My husband persuaded me to go for it. It was an act of bravery from both of us...and so we did!!It all was good and much good came from it.
Hope, I was able to help you. God knows, you already have very good advice from many wise people.
Thank you Dr. Dan and Trish for the many postings, I love reading them, they have given me much comfort in my search for hope.
First, I want to thank Trish for welcoming me to this forum. I was attracted to your heading " SCI steals and robs from all"... to me.. it says it all...truly, how eloquently said!
This journey is so very difficult. It steals and robs.. It takes you far and beyond and touches every part of your soul. For me and hubby, it has been 18 months. Oh God, what a journey.
I am so grateful to be able to speak with those who can understand.
We share one common factor, we chose love.
To next time.. I wish you all a good night! Ivonne
Simply stated, "It is not what you do not have, it is what you do have". A writer told me that statement 39 years ago when I was recovering as a paraplegic from a car accident. Those magical words have instilled such self awareness and confidence. I have had 3 children, (natural child birth), worked in occupations from political campaign manager to my current position as a commercial realtor for a worldwide company. You can learn a different way at looking @ things in life.
From the moment I was told those magical words, I have learned about so many attributes that I possess. I do not think I would have learned so much about my inner self if I was not forced against the wall. Facing paralysis felt like that. I had to look inside and concentrate on what I did have in order to enjoy the world. I could no longer water ski, but I could hold on to a tube in the middle of the lake. I could no longer model...but I sure did look good in a wheelchair...and still do for my age.
My advise to you, is to grow your inside....concentrate on the good not the bad. It will take a lot of strength to do this....but, you can and you will! You can make your life fullfilling, maybe is not an option. What are some of your dreams (only fitting within your means)? Could you be an advocate for a non profit ( only your interest). Could you make a difference in the world. Possibly come up with strategies.
Of course, some of your "list" can apply to all of us. For instance, I wish I could stand in the shower with my husband. I wish I could walk on the golf course. I wish I could dance! Wishing is not reality. I challenge myself and bring out the good in every situation....I can do a lot of things just in creative ways. I have learned to concentrate on what I can do with what I have.
It is imperative that you make time for yourself...your wants or your needs. You are in a very frustrating position. If you decide to stay with your husband, challenge your mind. Create a new life.
You mentioned something very interesting: that you do not blame your boyfriend for leaving you. My question is did he leave after your injury? if so how long after? My boyfriend is a t12 injury paraplegic and the question that i get when people find out about him is," and you are going to stay with him?" My answer is a very energetic YES!! why wouldn't I. I love him for who he is not his legs or his ability to use them. to me it is very...how can i say this.....shallow...cant think of a better term... that because he cannot walk people expect me to leave him. I cannot understand them what they are thinking when they ask this it upsets me that i constantly get this question. Yes we now have had to rethink how we do things it is kind of a role reversal now i am the one driving among many other things i have to lead the way and be the loud voice to say excuse me for him to get through. Yes there are times when i really think about how the rest of my life is going to be with him and to tell the truth i know it will be difficult but i dont think i will ever regret it. So i cannot possibly know or understand why you would say something like that. I guess we find out who people really are and if they truely mean what they say when something like this happens. He is a great man with a kind heart it is very difficult to find a man like this now a days i could care less if he walks again but for him for his personal happiness i do wish, hope and pray that he does. As many times he has asked me why i have stayed and that i should leave i never have and dont foresee myself ever leaving.