A few months ago my nephew and I were watching a Disney video. He is 8. Out of the blue he turned to me and said "when are you going to learn to walk again?" This completely blew me away because I thought he understood that I was not going to walk again. Well understood as well as an 8 year old can.
To make a long story short, it turns out he had taken the experience of watching his younger twin siblings learn to walk and but had come up with a theory that I just needed to learn to walk again and that would fix everything. The twins had two very different timelines when it came to walking. One was wobbling around on his own at 9 months and running at 10 months. The other was a late walker and didn't really get the hang of it until 17 months or so. Even now at 20 months she isn't all that stable and falls a lot. As he later explained it to me, he figured that when people learn to walk some just take longer because it took his sister so much longer than it had taken his brother. And he concluded that my injury just meant that I had to learn to walk again but that it was taking longer for me. It broke my heart because I think this idea had been forming in his head for some time and to him it made perfect sense logically. He was so certain about it.
I can still remember how hopeful and serious he sounded as he told me this--and how I had to shatter his hope by telling him that wasn't going to happen. Watching his face fall and to see him start crying was more than I could take. I think it was especially hard because of all my nieces and nephews around that age, he was the one who seemed to adjust the best to my injury. My equipment fascinated him and he never showed any sadness or anger as some of the others had.
Anyways I just shared that story because I so agree with what PRC_Bernadette said about it being a hard reality for kids to learn but that they do learn and accept. We have been able to move past that and I do think he does finally understand now better than he did before. I would have liked to have saved him that pain of shattering his wrong ideas because I know they were a safe way for him to deal with something he didn't really understand. I also agree with you ifonlysandwhatifs, it must be very scary to have your world view shift like that at such a young age when somebody you love has to deal with something that can't be fixed.
I have sometimes wondered if having to deal with the reality of my injury will help make my nieces and nephews to be a bit more aware of the differences in people at a young age, and maybe even help make them a little more compassionate and willing to help others than if I wasn't hurt. I don't think a child needs to be faced with a trauma to develop those qualities, of course. I just wonder if maybe they will learn it earlier than others might?
Since I don't have kids of my own, I sometimes worry I am approaching things wrong with my nieces and nephews...if that makes any sense. Hearing what parents themselves experience (both the ups and downs) and how they deal with sci issues when it comes to their own children is very helpful for me. Thanks for starting this thread. I understand that sad feeling. I am glad you posted. I hope today was a better day.
"Don't be silly, Toto. Scarecrows don't talk. "
