FamilyLife Forums

 I found the show today to be very interesting and certainly relevant. I understand the focus of the show was how wives can help their husbands in this area. As the husband, though, I have an opinion and some questions to share.

First the opinion:

I did not like what appeared to me to be a defeatist attitude from the men who were interviewed. The one with the solution of looking at his shoes all the time sounded very wimpy. I don't believe that is a good description of the victory over sin that Jesus won for us by rising from the dead. I believe that 'wiring' as it was called is only part of the picture and that what was described by the men interviewed was the effect of living in defeat of the enemy. 

What I believe is that the enemy's goal is to distract us from the heart and soul of a woman by focusing us on her body.  I believe the enemy has been so successful that we in "Christian Land" have come to call it normal or human nature. But God says He does not look on the outside, but to the heart. If we are supposed to be imitators of Him, we should endeavor to do the same. What this means is that we deny ourselves and take up our God-given authority, and command the spirits of lust to leave (or be bound) and ask for God to show you how to see the person as God sees them, rather than what they look like on the outside. Victory is when we can look at that person and see the individual that God sees.

Next, if I can be so presumptuous as to take issue with a couple of the things the author of the book mentioned, namely the role of the wife. It does not seem to me to be any help for the wife to replace "the other woman" as the object of the man's lust. I am not sure that is what she was saying, exactly, but sin is sin, no matter what the object. I don't think that was the main issue of the author. I think the idea was for the wife to understand and align herself with her husband and join the fight. For this program it meant to support him with their children's dress standards and be a "safe" place to reveal his struggles, etc. That is fine, but I also believe she should join the fight in the spiritual realm and help pull down the strongholds.

Now for the questions:

Am I being unrealistic or unbiblical? Am I being unreasonable? Is there more to this that I am missing?

Firstly, I'm not a man.  Secondly, I didn't hear the show.  But I do know something about being the wife of a man who cannot resist the temptation of looking and lusting. 

From everything I have read/been told by other men, it's not even possible for a wife to "replace" the object that he lusts after.  It's not about the wife, apparently, it's not even about sex.  I wouldn't know. 

I do know that, even when the wife does align herself with her husband, when she is that safe place, when she prays for him and stands by him, the man still needs to make steps to find counseling and commit himself to healing, or genuine, lifelong change will not occur. 

---

"I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year." (Charles Dickens: A Christmas Carol)

Thank you for your response. I completely agree. Part of the overall issue involves healing of some degree which varies from person to person.

Needed clarifications:

I wanted to give your husband and other men a higher goal than just "not lusting" and challenge them to seek the reality beyond the battle at hand. Seeing past the physical and actually see the person, their heart and then be sensitive to what God wants you to do or say based on what you see is much higher standard. The enemy sees that rightly as the most serious threat to his influence on the world. Understanding that and seeking the bigger reality helps since perspective is sort of a casualty or at least a point of attack for the enemy in this kind of attack.

The "aligning of the wife with her husband" idea starts with the husband taking up battle positions to do all he can to protect his family. I recognize that a wife and mother takes up those positions naturally.

The basis of my post was to call men to action, to not be content to live defeated or barely alive, but to fight for the victory we already have in Jesus.

 

I apologize if my earlier post sounded harsh to anyone. I am becoming more and more aware of what it means to be in the war we fight as Christians. Some days the battle is so real and the best response so obvious that I have to jump out there and scream the good news. In this case, the good news is that the battle is already won and the objective is not just "not lusting." We have been taught to look away, rather than stare and lust.

I heard from some folks in the military that come under fire are now trained to turn towards the fire rather than duck. The reason is that turning towards the fire puts them squarely behind their battle armor. If they take a hit, it will most likely be in their flack jacket with a ceramic plate in the front. Turning away increases the chance that a glancing shot could get behind the armor and do some real damage.

We men have to do the same thing. We have the armor of God so we have to train ourselves at the moment we sense the attack to turn squarely at the enemy and return fire, give them both barrels (and a hand grenade if we have one) and then call for the rest of the squad to finish them off. I could go on with this comparison forever, but you get the idea.

Amen to craigmeister.  I read the post and did not think it harsh at all.  In fact I think I shouted Amen.  It was so refreshing to see a man come up against this mentality of "we just can't help it".  Sometimes I think men use books or broadcasts such as these to say "see it's just the way I am made, I can't help it!"  And it is like a get out of jail free card or something.  Somewhere along the way we have lowered the bar for our men....dumbed them down so to speak and relagated them to walking hormones.  Not so...men are image bearers of the King and He enables us to live lives of purity and beauty.  God is very clear about looking to the inward appearance rather than the outer.  Men and women together abiding in the Spirit have the awesome privledge of reflecting the image of God.  We reflect different aspects of His character and in harmony together reflect Him more completely.  Anyways...thanks for the post!  I appreciated it  and found it very refreshing!

craig,

I didn't even listen to the show, but I have enjoyed reading your thoughts here.

My husband doesn't seem to have an issue with this over the years we have been married.

I have never felt disrespected by him in this area ever.  I also, don't believe lust is soley a man issue because women can struggle with it too.

---

God has given me a really Good Man for a Husband!!! :)

GATORS WIN SEC Championship!!!!!

My Chomping GATORS verses (Father's) Sooners for National Championship. :) GO GATORS!!!

i really appreciate your post, craig. this is my heart on the matter as well, but men need to hear it from men. i actually don't listen to family life radio anymore as these topics really beat me down as a woman. it causes me to not trust my husband when i have no reason to not trust him. i absolutely believe him to be a man of honor who loves me to death and would never hurt me by ogling other women. i don't think he has any issues with having to force himself to look away or anything. but when i listen to shows like this or read the books, i come away feeling like he is lying to make me feel better and that he can't really be as great as i think.

---

"But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in the mercy of God forever and ever." Psalm 52:8