help! is it normal for an 8 year old boy to make a huge mess when eating? i dont' think there is a single food my dss can eat without getting it all over himself and the table. for example, he had a mozzerella cheese stick last week. how can you make a mess with a cheese stick? i have NO CLUE! all i know is, there were crumbs all over the table!
i brought him to work with me on monday. i had a lady come by for some help so i sent him to the back with some crackers if he got hungry while i was busy. i went back there today and it looks like an elephant trampled the crackers! the whole table was a mess and like a FOUR FOOT square of carpet. we had a meeting and i had to get out the vacuum and clean up. he'd told me he didn't make a mess back there. i should've known to check. it looked like he dropped them on the floor and stomped them or something!
when he eats cereal, it's milk dribbles on the table. a sandwich turns into crumbs and condiments smeared everywhere. and the worst is when it's a real meal and he has food from ear to ear on his face and he uses his hands to get the food on his fork so he's up to his elbows practically in food.
dh used to be on him nonstop about his table manners and i thought, "oh, he's 5. leave him alone. he'll outgrow it." dh has continued to hound him of course and now i myself am finally fed up with the mess. it's embarrassing in public. it's even to the point that his own grandpa looks disgusted when we eat over there!!!
how do we get him to not be so messy? he has to eat every little thing at the table because of this. i wonder if he'd try harder if i told him he will earn the privilege to eat a snack in the living room during movie time if he can eat and not make a mess on the table and himself???? it's not that he's shoveling his food. he's actually becoming and slower and SLOWER eater. it takes him forever now to eat. so now we have a slow AND messy eater. dh has showed him over and over how to hold a fork correctly. to no avail. and we do make him clean up after himself. so it's not like i'm going behind him cleaning the mess. he has to do it. none of this is working. HELP!!!!!
he can use pencils and scissors well, yes. and can play baseball. now, watching him do his karate, i'd say he's a little uncoordinated. if his teachers had said anything, i wouldn't definitely know. he's lived with his mom until may.
i don't really know if he can do better or not on eating. we are finding him to be very unmotivated. he can write neat, but he doesn't. he gets "messy" remarks on his pages from school. in his karate class, the other kids are clearly giving their best. he seems to barely try. he likes to brag and say, "oh, i can do that. that's easy." and just hopes nobody says "prove it." if his karate teacher prompts him to try harder, he sighs. when you ask him to clean his room, his response is, "all of it? or can i just do......"
we really just aren't seeing him giving his best at anything. so i can't imagine how i'm going to get any improvement in his eating........ i wouldn't call him lazy. he's not a couch potato. he's just like, an under-achiever?
this was going to be my next topic. LOL
i guess???? i mean, i don't see him like intentionally wiping food on the table or anything. maybe i should try to observe him more closely for awhile (without him realizing it) to see what exactly he's doing. i've tried so long to not look because i got tired of being between him and dh in this battle. i KNOW i've seen him using his left hand to scoop the food onto the fork in his right hand and that's obviously a problem. but otherwise, i don't know if he's dropping it or what. his clothes don't really get dirty. just him and the table.
like i said, he's very unmotivated to do anything really well. he wants to be the winner, for example, but he'd rather cheat than try his best and win fair and square. we're really only picking up on this stuff fully now as he lives with us. he often makes comments like, "i have no talents." and i try to encourage him like, "you are a good artist." he's been in karate since like february (a christmas present from his mom) and we only recently started taking him since he's with us now and i'm surprised that he hasn't learned more there as far as giving his best, etc. i would love to see him get on an upward basketball team, but i wonder, would it be good for him or would he just wear his coach down? he doesn't like receiving instruction at all, so how could the coach teach him to be a better player? and i wonder how much of a TEAM player he would be.
obviously, i have more than food on my mind here. lol.
greenolivetree: help! is it normal for an 8 year old boy to make a huge mess when eating? i dont' think there is a single food my dss can eat without getting it all over himself and the table. for example, he had a mozzerella cheese stick last week. how can you make a mess with a cheese stick? i have NO CLUE! all i know is, there were crumbs all over the table! i brought him to work with me on monday. i had a lady come by for some help so i sent him to the back with some crackers if he got hungry while i was busy. i went back there today and it looks like an elephant trampled the crackers! the whole table was a mess and like a FOUR FOOT square of carpet. we had a meeting and i had to get out the vacuum and clean up. he'd told me he didn't make a mess back there. i should've known to check. it looked like he dropped them on the floor and stomped them or something! when he eats cereal, it's milk dribbles on the table. a sandwich turns into crumbs and condiments smeared everywhere. and the worst is when it's a real meal and he has food from ear to ear on his face and he uses his hands to get the food on his fork so he's up to his elbows practically in food. dh used to be on him nonstop about his table manners and i thought, "oh, he's 5. leave him alone. he'll outgrow it." dh has continued to hound him of course and now i myself am finally fed up with the mess. it's embarrassing in public. it's even to the point that his own grandpa looks disgusted when we eat over there!!! how do we get him to not be so messy? he has to eat every little thing at the table because of this. i wonder if he'd try harder if i told him he will earn the privilege to eat a snack in the living room during movie time if he can eat and not make a mess on the table and himself???? it's not that he's shoveling his food. he's actually becoming and slower and SLOWER eater. it takes him forever now to eat. so now we have a slow AND messy eater. dh has showed him over and over how to hold a fork correctly. to no avail. and we do make him clean up after himself. so it's not like i'm going behind him cleaning the mess. he has to do it. none of this is working. HELP!!!!!
I would start by talking with his teachers and Sunday School teachers. Next discuss it with his pediatrician.
PRAISE every desirable behavior he exhibits. Maybe even set up a "chore chart" or give "stars" which can be "cashed in" for some kind of "treat". And continue to let him "clean up" after himself...not as a "punishment" but just as something that everyone in the family does..."if Daddy spills something, then Daddy cleans it up, if I spill something, I clean it up, that just the way things are".
If none of these get any positive results, then I highly recommend that you have him tested...but only after another conference with the pediatrician.
One more thought...when was the last time he had his eyes examined?
Blessings!
bestofky
Yeah - at that age to have him using one hand to put the food on the fork/spoon - something about that isn't *right*.
I'd hate to have him "punished" or dealt with punitively for something that may not be his fault at all.
When I was a little kid, I had behavioral and academic problems in K and 1st grade. My first grade teacher told my parents (in my hearing) that I was mentally retarded and needed to be in a "special school". Then they had my eyes tested and found that I was seriously nearsighted - I simply hadn't been able to *see*. When I got glasses, my "mental retardation" magically disappeared...but it took me a long time to get past the "retardo" label.
Be careful how you handle this!
Hmm...just something off the top of my head, do you think he might have a learning disability? Like Dsylexia or maybe ADD? The reason I ask is, I have a niece that has both and there were times when she would get so frustrated, that she began to not want to try. KWIM?
Also, didn't you mention once that his mama had the "I really don't give a darn about my kid" attitude??? Maybe, he's looking for any attention he can get???
Just a few thoughts. I could be wrong. :-)
well, we did start a chore chart about 3 weeks ago. he has 3 chores: tidy up his room a bit each day, keep his spot at the table clean, and carry the laundry from the bathroom to the laundry room so i can wash it later. i made a cute calendar on publisher (really colorful) and he gets a star when he does all three chores. he's doing pretty good.
he definitely hasn't had the best mother in the world, and since he lived with her for 5 years, we didn't have much influence over him.
after breakfast this morning, there was milk on the table and mushy cereal.
his eyes, i do plan to take him for that soon. his mom has never taken him to an eye doctor. (just like she never took him to the dentist and we found out he had an abscessed tooth right after he came to live with us). he was complaining about things being fuzzy but the way he was describing it was weird. so i made a chart and hung it up and he read it as well as i did and i wear glasses. maybe he's farsighted? he does okay reading. i don't know why in the world his mom never took him for these things. they are FREE on his insurance. FREE!!!!! they will pay for one eye exam and one pair of glasses even! the dentist was FREE!!!! he can see the regular doctor FREEEEEEEE and all his meds were FREEEEEEE but she would let him go for months with a cough. ugh.
he was very behind when he went to kindergarten. my then 2 year old nephew could out-count him by counting to 13. dss couldn't get 1-10 right or his alphabet. but he caught up really well once he started school. he doesn't excel, but he gets satisfactory grades. all 3s. i would love to see him excel more. but his carelessness gets in the way i think.
how do you motivate an unmotivated child who is always looking to get by doing the least possible? maybe i should talk to his counselor about this. he is seeing a counselor right now because of coming to live with us due to his stepdad problems.
We have two unmotivated, messy eaters as well. They are now 9 and 11. For us, it was just pure laziness and not caring because someone else would follow them around and clean up the food they had left everywhere.
I've started having them wipe down the table and sweep under the table after meals. It's amazing how much their manners have improved! It wasn't necessarily punishment but more just a fact of life... you make a mess, you clean it up. We're still working on smacking, napkin in the lap, elbows off the table type manners but the days of food flying everywhere are becoming fewer and fewer.
At 8 your SS should be making improvements on his manners and sometimes it takes finding the right motivation. Having good manners is not easy and if a child is prone to not trying to do their best it can be hard. Praise him when he's doing well, even at certain points during the meal. It might feel like overkill at times but for a child who struggles with motivation sometimes they need the extra encouragement.
Oh, I know all about the rodent eating ways. Drives me nuts too!
I didn't realize that ya'll weren't eating at the table much. That really could be part of the problem. Your SS seeing his dad eat dinner in his recliner isn't giving the best impression of manners or etiquette. Kids learn by example and your husband having such a laid back dinner (literally) probably isn't conveying that table manners are all that important. Does your SS know how to set a table? That is a great chore for kids and gives them a sense of participating in the meal preparation. It's not that every meal has to be a formal affair but there should be some general respect and manners, if for nothing else then out of respect for the person who prepared the meal.
We are big on manners and I guess we do hound the kids at times but we praise them a lot too. We also eat every meal at the table and most of the time as a family. That is just us of course and I know that doesn't work for everyone. For me, I would rather err on the side of conservative rather than having one of our kids embarrassed at a friend's home when they grab a fork and head to the living room with a plate of food, don't know how to cut their food, have bad manners, or are unable to help out and set a table.
Manners are a big deal and as adults they say a lot about a person. In the business world, there are people I have hesitated to do business with because when I ate a meal with them I was horrified to watch them shovel food in their mouths, not use a napkin or even talk with their mouths full. It comes across sloppy and unprofessional and it really does make people wonder if that is how you conduct yourself in general. It starts when they are kids...
dh agreed to atleast do ONE family meal night at the table each week. i made a chart for table manners for dss. you should've seen his face when he saw it this morning. ROFLOL i told him if he gets stars all week, we'll have a family game night (which dh agreed to).
if i set the table a few nights in the row, dh will deal with it. then after a few days he asks to go back to his recliner. sigh. he learned it from his dad. still, when we go to his parents, he eats in the living room, his dad in the den, and me and MIL and dss eat at the table. i just can't MAKE my husband do something, you know? i'm not his mother. not that his mother can make him do it either.
more and more in his oldER age i see my FIL starting to join us at the table. maybe dh will catch on.
i didn't grow up eating at the table myself either. we all scattered. but my parents taught us how to eat when we were young and none of us were messy eaters. it doesn't bother me we didn't eat at the table. we had a great family life. my mom always cooked good meals. and we were all together so much being a homeschooling family. i guess it wasn't a big deal to all be around a table because we'd spent all day together. LOL my dad actually homeschooled us. we spent the morning with dad and afternoon with mom.
anyway, go figure. dss just ate chicken, mashed potatoes, and spinach without getting any on the table. hmmmmm...... weird. let's see how the pudding goes.......
greenolivetree: anyway, go figure. dss just ate chicken, mashed potatoes, and spinach without getting any on the table. hmmmmm...... weird. let's see how the pudding goes.......
YEAHHHH!!! Now, LET him KNOW how proud of him you are!
