Those children might not be yours, but you have a right to do something about behavior that they are directing towards you. If these were dogs, you'd do something if the dog jumped up on you or if the dog bit you. That's basically what these children are doing when they get in your face or hit you. You have a right to create healthy boundaries for yourself. Don't wait for the mother to do something about it, or you'll be bruised for life based on what you've shared about her parenting skills.
truckzter:Hi Everyone --This is the first time I'm posting because I really need guidance.My 32 year old friend has a son, 5 years old, and a daughter, 2 years old. I know my friend is an overwhelmed mother (her husband works 4 days on, 3 days off), and I try to visit her house once a week to help provide some sanity (I'm a single 28 year old) while her husband is working.Unfortunately, my friend is not a consistent discipliner and will yell instead of enforcing consequences. That being said, she knows is not consistent, and every time I see her, she laments that she yells because she sees her children copying her behavior. And she knows that she is not handling her children appropriately, but, for whatever reason, she doesn't change.I do try to offer her appropriately solutions, but what really "gets my goat" is her children are rude and disrespectful to me. Basically, however her children treat her, they treat me -- hitting, yelling, grabbing, etc. If my friend does "anything" about it, she yells. I realize I cannot train her children, but are there any tools for me? When her 2 year old hits me, how should I handle it? Or when her 5 year old gets in my face and trys to "scare" me with a mean, ugly look, what should I do? I'm not one to back down, and I certainly do not agree with this sort of behavior, but the kids aren't mine. I certainly don't want to stop visiting her house because she NEEDS me. Thanks so much,Geneseatruckzter@hotmail.com
truckzter:....but if I am not respected, I don't know how much a "Please do not hit me" will help.
I'd do more than say "Please do not hit me." If a dog were biting you, how would you respond? Would you ask the dog to quit biting you? Would you tell the dog about your feelings?
When the 2 year old is about to hit me, I'd intercept his hand. I'd hold his hand and look straight into his eyes and say "No Hitting" in a very monotone, firm voice.
truckzter:Dear Hopes-n-Dreams and Nadine30,Thank you for your advice. Of course I wouldn't let dogs jump on me or bite me. I do tell the children not to hit me, or grab, and I try to bring it back to the fact it hurts my feelings if I am hit or yelled at. I completely agree with boundaries, but I sometimes wonder if boundaries make a difference ... the kids know their mother will not enforce, thus why would they change their behavior with me? I do want to help my friend out and help the kids at dinner, bedtime, etc., but if I am not respected, I don't know how much a "Please do not hit me" will help. Thanks, Your welcome! :) I wish I could have offered you better advice, but it`s tough when it isn`t your *own* child to deal with. People and animals are completely different, so to me it is a rather silly comparison. If a strange dog was biting me, why, I would hit him with a baseball bat. (or, throw him a steak bone, *or* get killed..lol) Not only that, a dog doesn`t understand english, just tone of voice. Tell your friend you want to keep comming over, but you both need to come up with some sort of game plan reguarding this situation. Genesea
Your welcome! :) I wish I could have offered you better advice, but it`s tough when it isn`t your *own* child to deal with. People and animals are completely different, so to me it is a rather silly comparison. If a strange dog was biting me, why, I would hit him with a baseball bat. (or, throw him a steak bone, *or* get killed..lol) Not only that, a dog doesn`t understand english, just tone of voice. Tell your friend you want to keep comming over, but you both need to come up with some sort of game plan reguarding this situation.
*I made this bigger since there is no edit, not delete button for those who have trouble reading*
Nadine30: I wish I could have offered you better advice, but it`s tough when it isn`t your *own* child to deal with.
I wish I could have offered you better advice, but it`s tough when it isn`t your *own* child to deal with.
I don't think it matters whose child it is when it comes to protecting oneself from being hit. Honestly, if a parent is incapble of disciplining their own children, then I have no problem disciplining them.
Nadine30: People and animals are completely different, so to me it is a rather silly comparison.
People and animals are completely different, so to me it is a rather silly comparison.
I really don't think toddlers and dogs are much different. Regardless, the comparison is about protecting oneself from a physical attack. It was pointing out to her that she wouldn't just sit and be bit. So she should not sit and be hit. Nobody should stand being hit by anyone, not even a two year old. That teaches the 2 year old that it's okay to hit people. That's just like how letting a puppy nip teaches the puppy that it's okay to bite people.
My suggestion "grabbing the child's hand, holding it, and speaking in a firm, monotone voice" is very similar to how a puppy is trained to not bite. You grab a puppy's snout, hold it, and say very firmly, "No." Same theory, different species.
I'm actually surprised that most people don't see the similarities between teaching toddlers and puppies. It's almost identical---reward and praise good behavior, talk in a firm, monotone voice for correction, and give time outs when appropriate. It's the exact same thing! LOL
Nadine30:If a strange dog was biting me, why, I would hit him with a baseball bat.
I'm glad you have the sense to not use the baseball bat on the kid, Nadine. I wouldn't even hit a dog with a baseball bat though.
Nadine30:Not only that, a dog doesn`t understand english, just tone of voice.
That's not true, but that's a debate for another thread.
Nadine30:Tell your friend you want to keep comming over, but you both need to come up with some sort of game plan reguarding this situation.
She already tried that and it didn't work.
I agree with Hopes about stating your boundaries very firmly. I have found that children will respect you if you command respect from them. Just because they won't listen to mom, it doesn't mean they won't listen to you.
Someone made mention about tone of voice with puppies.....the same holds true for young children. You can earn alot of respect and good behavior by using the right tone of voice. Tell your friend in advance what you will be doing. Who knows, she may begin to follow suit. It is a hard pattern to break without a good example.
iamjabeksa: Just because they won't listen to mom, it doesn't mean they won't listen to you.
Just because they won't listen to mom, it doesn't mean they won't listen to you.
Most kids listen to other people better than they listen to their parents.
Mine was always a perfect little angel for everyone else.
And most of his friends were angels for me, not their parents.
LOL
iamjabeksa: I agree with Hopes about stating your boundaries very firmly. I have found that children will respect you if you command respect from them. Just because they won't listen to mom, it doesn't mean they won't listen to you. Someone made mention about tone of voice with puppies.....the same holds true for young children. You can earn alot of respect and good behavior by using the right tone of voice. Tell your friend in advance what you will be doing. Who knows, she may begin to follow suit. It is a hard pattern to break without a good example.
As far as animals go, I wouldn`t ever beat a dog with a bat, unless I was being attacked. Also, as far as tone of voice with animals go, I realize they know more than tone of voice, but what I was trying to say by animals only knowing tone of voices is that they don`t understand if you say, "now how`s come you got into the garabage"? etc.. I *do* realize they understand more than the tone of voice when it comes to "sit", "stay" "lay down" "go" etc... I should have been more "exact".
To the OP, I hope you and your friend will come to some sort of a resolution with this. :)
