FamilyLife Forums

This is my first time to post on here but I often like to read what other people post!  I went through a broken engagement in December. We were engaged about five weeks before we called off our engagement. The guy I was engaged to seemed like the one God had for me however after we got engaged some things came to the surface and with my parents encouragement and counsel we broke up. Our wedding date was planned for April so thankfully there had been no wedding showers and no invitations had been sent out.  Over the past six months I have been through so much emotional pain. In many ways it feels like I am starting my life over. I know that it is so much better to have a broken engagement that a miserable marriage but it is still so hard to deal with the pain.

I have not met or talked with very many women who have been through this. I know there have to be others out there that have walked this same path. Is there anyone out there that would mind sharing with me your own experience and how you got through it. Thanks!

    I'm sorry you are going through such a painful time, it must be difficult. I have not endured a broken engagement, but I have been through two hard relationships before I got married. I had just graduated college and moved to the big city. I immediately started dating someone seriously for 5 years. Almost all of our friends were mutual as we worked at the same place. During our entire time dating he would speak in terms of "when we're married...". Even his family did the same. After 5 years I asked him when this "marriage" was going to take place. He broke up with me, never spoke with him again. I felt SO lost and felt like I had to start over making new friends, finding a new job, etc.

Then I met a man who had a young son. We dated seriously for over a year. We planned on getting married and adopting another child. This sounds crazy, it still baffles me! When we were discussing whose house we would live in after we got married he found out I earned more than him. He broke up with me because I never told him I earned more than him! OUCH, I was crushed. He was so angry with me, he would not even let me talk things through and process with his son. He had become to think of me as mom already. :(

I got together with an old friend this past week. A few years ago she went through a bitter divorce and is raising 2 kids and having a hard time. She says she knows she ignored all the warning signs and all the advice her friends and family gave her before she married this guy. Thank God you listened to your parents and to Godly counsel, it may have saved you alot of future heartache!

Use this time to draw closer to God. When your focus is solely on Him you will find peace and joy. Make friends with Godly women and keep busy doing positive things. God has a plan for your life! You don't want to miss it.

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Anyone can count the number of seeds in an apple, but only God can count the number of apples in a seed.

i called off my wedding. i got engaged at 17 to this guy i'd  had a crush on since i was 11. he was 8 years older than me. we started dating in april, my parents said we were moving, we got engaged in june, i moved, we set the date for october (a month after i was turning 18), and i called it off in august. it was all whirlwind. i didn't have a dress or anything. but i'd been wearing the ring of course and fully planning to be married. it was hard calling it off. realizing the guy of my dreams wasn't so dreamy after all. i cried a lot. for a good 6 months. it was several years later when i finally married the real guy of my dreams :)

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"But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in the mercy of God forever and ever." Psalm 52:8

DEAR MAZIEQUEEN,

YES I HAVE BEEN IN A BROKEN ENGAGEMENT. I LOVED THE guy ALOT AND HE WALKED OOUT ON ME. I CAME WENT TO HIS HOME ONE EVENIN AND HE PACKED HIS stuff AND WAS GONE. HE BAILED. I MEAN YA SEE WHAT HAPPENES WHEN PEOPLE DONT SAY I LOOOVVVEE YOU.  HE HAD IT ALLL. I GAVE HIM LOVE.

NOW THE IM SOOOOOOOOO GLAD THAT IM NOT WITH HIM NOW, I MEAN IT HAD TO BE A GOD THING. HE WAS INTO THE DRUGS.(WITHOUT MY OK) HE LIED PLUS HE WAS IN JAIL A NUMBER OF TIMES SO HEY IM MUCH BETTER OFF. I THINK HE MUST HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE KIND OF MEN WHO DOESNT SEEM TO FIND A WOMAN ATTRACTIVE AFTER THE AGE OF 25. AND OF COURSE TO HIM IT MUST BE POSSITIVLY OVER THE HILL.  I WINDER HOW IS IS NOW WHEN HES IN HIS MID 30S. SHEEEEEEESH.

My heart hurts for you.

 

I went through a broken engagement.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through.

 

I did marry later (someone else), but I dare to say that the broken engagement was more difficult emotionally that a later separation in my marriage.

 

There's something about the "what might have beens" that toys with your mind and your emotions in a way that's not productive.  Mourning the loss of a serious relationship like this is very similar to mourning the death of someone in your life.  Don't be afraid to grieve and not be ok for awhile,

 

THEN....

 

Know that these are no where near the best days of your life.  Those are ahead of you, and with time, this will be easier.

 

It is very hard to go through this personally, and then there is all of the fall-out of telling people that the marriage is off.  God is good and has had your spouse planned since before he created the earth.  The God that does that kind of planning ahead knows what He is doing, so focus on him, and maybe take up a passion that you have and dive into it for a bit.  Getting out (or going in) to do something you really love, will help your heart heal and be very content just being the you that God made you to be, without the other half that you thought He had made for you. 

Yes, I have broken an engagement with my now ex husband.

He proposed to me twice, but I couldn't resist to marry him the second time he asked me.  It was really romantic and I got carried away with my emotion.  Do not take your parents advice for granted, because I am positive they know what they are trying to protect you from.  Give this to God in prayer and surrender all your feelings to Him.  Ask your parents blessings when you have a confirmation from the Lord, that he is the kind of husband He has in mind for you.

God bless!

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John14:17 That helper is the Spirit of Truth. The world cannot accept him, because it doesn't see or know him. You know him, because he lives with you and will be in you.
Psalm 34:1

Gladly.  I do understand the pain.  About 22 years ago when I was 23, my fiance of one year just stopped calling.  I was dumbstruck.  I confronted him, of course, and he came over and got the ring.  I was a basket case.  I can remember sitting on the floor, holding my little dog and just balling.  "He used to love me!  "He used to love me!"  Our relationship was a total of three years.

I had looked at china, tried on dresses.  It did take me a long time to get over it, but let me tell you, I am absolutely thrilled that God did not allow me to enter into marriage with him.  At the time we broke it off, many things had come to light which should have sent me running anyway.  I know right now it's hard to just thank the Lord for revealing whatever he did because your heart hurts so much.  Time is not a healer, but God certainly uses it to lessen the pain.  My pain is completely, completely gone.

I remember what it was like to be young and eager, eager for "life to begin," but life has begun.  As hard as it seems, enjoy your singleness while you can.  I was one of those people who desperately wanted to be married, and I can now see that it was because of my own insecurities, etc.  I hope you don't have those problems.  It's great that your parents are involved.  My father had long since left our family for another woman, which was partly the reason for my issues.

I'd love to be there to give you a hug and some encouragement.  I believe better things are ahead for you.

I did go through a broken engagement. It was so hard. I went through major depression following it. It was hard in so many ways. I was very close to his family also, and had already called his parens "Mom" and "Dad" for years. We had been engaged for over a year. It was hard starting over. I moved to my Dad's house to get a fresh start... I was so depressed that I needed a chance to concentrate a me for a while, not work and apartment up-keep and bills. I allowed my parents to be my support system. I cried, and cried, and cried.

I go myself involved with new friends, took some college courses (such as acting) and found new interests.  I took the time to concentrate on me as an individual again. It was so difficult to do. 

After we broke-up I pushed away men for a while. I didn't want a serious relationship when I met my husband.... It was a year after I broke-up w/my ex-fiance. For months he and I were only friends.  I met him in March 2003, was engaged to him in Dec. 2003, and we were married in May 2004. I now have a beautiful step-daughter, and 2 beautiful daughters. 

Learning to let go is so difficult. I had to let go of my ex, and his family. I was close to his WHOLE family. I still call his Aunt "Aunt", his grandmother "grandma" and have a hard time calling his parents by their names instead of mom and dad, like I had always done before.  I know have wonderful in-laws, but there is still love in my heart for my ex's family.

There are many tears to wade through when you go through such an emotional event, but you also learn so much more about who you are. And in the end your relationships are better for it.

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom!

Yes I have been through one, we were engaged for 5 years, the day we were supposed to leave for the Smokey mountains to get married he told me that he didn’t wants to get married. I was crushed, and your right it is like starting over, the pain is unbearable. You find yourself confused, hurt, and in some ways broken.

Believe me it gets better, but it takes time a lot of it to get yourself together and able to start over. Don’t rush yourself  and try to dismiss the pain of the situation, but eventually you will come out the other side more stronger and able to start over.

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There is no problem too big that can't be solved with the use of high explosives

the best way to solve morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people. ~ despair.com

iv'e been through it a couple of times. I also went through it recently, before my marriage.
Unfortunately, I must tell you that going through a marriage with someone that broke it off multiple times prior didn't turn out like planned and he ended up being nasty and abandoning us in the end.

So, I say this to conmfort you because, in my opinion, having been through both, it is best not to marry someone who does not want to marry you. :)

I am so sorry that you are going through this but I echo what others have told you, beloved sister, there is one the Lord has prepared for you. Although you are hurting now, this, too, will pass.

Finally, remember that Jesus knows our sufferings. Remember how He wept bitterly for Lazarus? Remember  His prayer in the garden? We must remember that at one point, He "despaired, even of life".. He knows what you are going through sweetheart. Just cling to Him. I know during this time you may not want to.. and it may seem like other things are better.. but reading His Word will help you.. it truly will.

You can also listen to Christian radio, or sometimes get an audio bible if you find you can't concentrate. I hope you feel better soon..

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Created in God's own image; known since the foundations of the earth; written in The Book.
Not a victim; I refuse to be. Of value; part of a bigger Plan and am His beautiful gift... and so are you! :-}