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hoplon, ''Here we go again''. Perhaps you could elaborate on what you mean by your succinct 4 word summary. Giving particular attention to each word. Here - do you mean the FL forums?. We - who is the 'we', is it a subset within the Forum community?Go - going at what?Again - restating ...
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As the O P indicated, there is a lack of understanding about the different ways males and females get dealt with in church circles re sexual interest. That is a reflection of the difference between the sexes in the way their brains are wired. If the amount of marriage troubles among church people is anything to go by, it's likely that the ...
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What makes a Marriage? How Healthy is your Marriage?That title does not do complete justice to what I have in mind, but it will do for an entry point. The reason I think this is pertinent to all married or intending to be married people is that there are various definitions about marriage. Some say it's a contract, others that it is a covenant, and
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Renae, I don't know. I'm not an expert in this field.But confused's main aim has been to get his marriage back on track. It's been often said that the best thing a couple can do for their children is to love their spouse. The problem he faces is that she is not taking any notice of anything he says. Whatever he suggests gets rejected. Even if he ...
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This question has been raised here a couple of times in recent months. This is what I posted in one Forum Thread.The situation your wife is in has red flags all over it.There is something significant about adolescent love that lays down deeply embedded tracks in the psyche. First-love is a powerful intoxicating experience. Reconnecting ...
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It must be incredibly stressful for you to be faced with your wife being so intransigent. Her behaviour is copybook stuff when a wife is angry. A wife lives by the state of her emotions. Clearly she is angry. While that anger is white hot, there's not a lot you can do to get through to her.I get the impression that she does not know how to deal ...
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Everything you say makes perfect sense. Your wife's reactions are predictable. Predictably unpredictable, that is!When you say you are a relationship idiot, I think many men can identify with those sentiments. Men generally don't understand women, so don't beat yourself up over that. It truly is mind boggling for men, the way women connect the most
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I think I have already said that I'm reluctant to give you a definitive answer as to just how to go about getting your marriage improved. It may be that others posting here can give you something like that. It seems that while there are broad principles that have universal application, each specific marriage has it's own particular nuances of ...
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It seems that your wife had decided on divorce long before you had any suspicions about the true state of your marriage, and of your wife's view of the marriage. This is evident in what her sister told you.''Her sister told me that my wife told her I was confusing her. My wife told her sister that she was originally set on divorce...''At ...
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Looking back over the information you have posted about your wife, there seems to be a definite pattern of progression towards this present moment where she is asking for divorce.In your very first post almost 6wks ago, she had been indicating that her distance from you was due to her grief for her parents. Then she told you she did not know ...
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Your post is full of ''don't knows'', both from her and from you. I can understand you not knowing what to do. I can't get an accurate handle on your wife's claim to not know what she wants to do.That mean greedy b**** comment by her fits that scenario in my last post where she will switch to saying she is the bad one, too bad for you to want to ...
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Yes, re that Halloween festival, it' looks like a case of you being dammed if you do, and dammed if you don't. It's at a time like this that you need to ask for wisdom from God. There is probably not a one-size-fits-all answer. So I won't offer one. Looking at it with the natural mind there are pros and cons either way. What may work in one ...
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It's interesting that she assumes that you are mad at her. I'm not sure just why that is, but two possible explanations come to mind.One, she wants you to be mad at her, because that would maintain the rift between you both, so she is 2nd guessing what you may be feeling, in the hope that will be the case.That would explain why she gave no answer ...
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It's important to remain calm, and not react in tit-for-tat manner. Especially when she is firing salvos at you. Back off and carefully consider how to respond. But even in that you are likely to get lambasted.If you react you are no good for her, if you don't react you are just trying a different way of being controlling, pretending to be Mr Cool,
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My initial reaction to the news that the woman and the guy are connected was to exclaim ''the plot thickens!''. It gets more complicated by the day. Of course this woman is angling for her son and your wife to become an item. That is what is driving her.I am being drawn to the conclusion that this woman and her son are enemies of your marriage. ...
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I'm still in the process of analyzing the exact state of your marriage, based on the information you have been drip-feeding over the various posts in this and other threads here.If there were a single issue in your marriage, finding the way to go would be easier. But, as if often the case, there have been several contributing factors. These factors
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How significant is this other guy to her plans to separate from you? Was she planning the separation before she met this guy? Or is he an integral part of her disenchantment with her marriage?I'm not sure just how she became involved with this other guy. Did they meet at work? Did he initiate engaging with her? What were the circumstances that led ...
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In the final analysis, you have to decide what course of action to take. I'm reluctant to advise you to do this, or to do that.There comes a point where the remaining spouse is right out of options to get any leverage. And you seem to be at that place. At that point, considering tough love, or an intervention, are about the only things left to
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Thinking aloud, my guess is that tough love works better on a man than it does on a woman. I might be wrong, and I stand to be corrected if that is the case, but I think the cases that Dobson had in mind were of husbands who were dragging their feet about making changes in their bad behaviour. As an example, when the tough love strategy is ...
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Have a look at these articles.http://marriagecouncillor.blogspot.com/2009/02/intervening-when-sin-is-destroying.htmlwww.familyministries.com/Reconciling_husbands.htmwww.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.1315175/k.608E/The_Myths_of_Divorce.htmwww.peacemaker.net/site/apps/nlnet/content2.aspx?c=aqKFLTOBIpH&b=1043497&ct=1245723
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I wish I could say something that makes sense to you. That she sees things as being worse with each succeeding day is not surprising to me. It's the way it goes in these kinds of marital impasses. And I have to say, from my understanding, and my knowledge from several men who have been where you are, that it is a particularly wifely way of handling
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Men may compare the physical features of one woman to another, which in the case of porn, their wife may not measure up to. In that sense it creates a dissatisfaction in the marriage, with a lessening of interest in their wife. Or the wife becomes simply a body.How often wives complain that they are not appreciated for who they are in their ...
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I guess to put it into perspective, and to be fair to the christian foray into female fiction novels, it needs to be noted that much of the current secular examples of the genre have become sexually explicit. Several decades ago the secular romance novels were not like that, but now they are weighted in that direction. It's a case of sex ...
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Books have been written about how women have a different lead in to sexual intimacy. Among the better-known in the christian field is Kevin Leman's ''Sex Begins in the Kitchen.'' ( For wives).Having recently considered the different way the male and female brain functions in love relationships, it has afforded an understanding of the way women can ...
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I don't know whether I can say anything that will comfort you. The roller coaster you have been on with your wife,.... - ... I'm sure many men can understand exactly what you have been going through. Nothing you say surprises me.The outburst after the counseling is also par for the course. It seems that just being in the counseling session gets her
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In July I was at a small gathering run by a trans- denominational ministry. There were about 40 people present, which were demographically representative. At one point a member of the ministry team - a woman - spoke out a ''word of knowledge'' that there were some there who were involved in pornography, and that they should come forward for prayer ...
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When God created humans they were given this earth in which to become co-creators with God. The Fall interrupted the smooth outworking of that mandate, because humans were now disconnected from God. Nevertheless, the mandate still applied, and humans began to stamp their footprint on the earth. ''So God created man in His own ...
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It was less than a fortnight ago that you first shared your concerns on this forum. In those posts you did not lay out the time frame in which all this took place, so I naturally assumed that it was all very recent, like in the previous 2 weeks. Because of that there appeared to be no lengthy history to your husband's interaction with this ...
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Well, a.n., here's another cliche, ''opposites attract''. Like there is an unconscious seeking out of someone who has the qualities that we lack, in an attempt to find completion. The loud person is drawn to a quiet one, and the reverse.You mention a.n., that your wife was very sensitive, and you came across as ''brusque''. That is the kind of ...
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Prevention being better that cure is a foundational mantra in the fruit growing industry. Sprays are applied in advance of the likely onset of a disease. If the grower just keeps his fingers crossed, he might be lucky, but once disease has struck, by the time he gets the spray program under way the crop has been ruined. Consequently, the growers ...
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Another name, you make a lot of interesting observations.Chaz is pretty much on target when he says most divorces occur within a certain category of married individuals. The ones who lack self-knowledge.That knowledge is really another topic!But it's a well known trait of wives that they are usually the first to be aware of some lack in the ...
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That quote about pain is from the book, ''The Problem Of Pain''. He later wrote'' A Grief Observed''. He found it's one thing to theorize about grief but quite another to have to go through it. It is one of the great mysteries of human existence. It's an important question because it impacts our beliefs about God, his sovereignty, ...
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Here I'm just reflecting back, empathizing, chatting to you about life and love - or something like that. The situation you are in is one of weirdness, at least that is how you will be experiencing it. Your world is upside down. In that topsyturvy world everything you ever learned about life and relationships doesn't work! When you try ...
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You need all the help you can get at a time like this. It's good to have several strings to your bow, have a multipronged approach to your coping mechanisms.The ''Celebrate'' program was born in the Saddleback Church and has been picked by churches everywhere. It will be good for you to get into something like that where you can interact with ...
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I guess what can be so discouraging is to have her rebuff your attempts to be kind. Whatever you set out to do for her gets interpreted as more selfishness on your part. Like her take on when you show love to her; - you are not really loving her, you are actually just loving your self. Your going to church is seen as a ruse to get her ...
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I had wondered if my post was too enigmatic, hence the lack of responses, although I wasn't fazed by that. I did have a purpose which I intended to progressively unroll.When Adam and Eve were created, there was no culture. As they had children and the family grew, then their descendants multiplied, something that is called ''human culture'' ...
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Yes, I would have to agree with you. Not because I want to believe such an outcome, but the evidence certainly points in that direction. As I said, I used to wonder why so many wives refused to consider returning to work on their marriage once they had left. But more recently, by putting 2 and 2 together, that seems to be the only answer that adds ...
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The question you ask is ''Should I get a divorce?'' That is the only question you ask.Look at it like this. You have both been in a ''relationship'' before.You don't make it clear whether those relationships were ''in the nature of marriage''. But you say he and you were both in ''marriage counseling'' in those earlier relationships.So it ...
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In countries all around the world gestures to the sky by football players, expressing their thanks to ''Someone up there'' are common. In regularly see such gestures. No one reacts as in the case you present. What makes it more surprising is that it is happening in a country that has ''In God we trust'' emblazoned on it's money. Perhaps ...
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The ''wisdom of Solomon'' has become a cliche, just as the ''patience of Job '' has. Solomon was given special wisdom by God to settle very difficult situations where normal human wisdom would have come up short. ( 1Kings 3:7-28.)So when I used that term I was indicating that the answer to your situation was beyond me, hence my reticence to ...
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I'm sorry to read of how difficult things are. Many men know exactly what you mean. You're in a situation where it seems to be a case of being damned if you do, and damned if you don't. Whatever you do is somehow not quite right. I wish I had an easy answer for you, or any answer for that matter.As you may know, I've been looking at the differences
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You need the wisdom of Solomon!. I know there are parents who would ask their son or daughter to leave if he/she did not kowtow to their rules. The potential downside to you expelling her is that it could drive her into his arms and his bed. At least the risk of that would increase.When my daughter was 17 she had a boyfriend who was not ideal. ...
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Hi Cherina, The raising of a child is a process whereby they are readied for independent living. Ideally, the parents gradually release control over their child as he/she goes through the teenage years. If too much independence is given too soon they may
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Design + Sin + Time = Culture.God designed humans, both as male and female.Sin became endemic in the human race.The passage of time brought abo |
