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Showing page 1 of 7 (3,323 total posts)
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One word.LISTEN.Listen to her without offering suggestions unless she asks. Listen and then repeat back to her in your own words what you heard her say. What she needs now, more than anything, is to know that you have heard and understood her heart. If she doesn't want to try again right now, then go with that. Don't argue, don't disagree, don't ...
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Down at the bottom of the box where you type there's 2 buttons that don't look like buttons that say ''design'' and HTML. Click on the design one.
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Ky Wildcat:Fact: In every marriage there is a high drive (HD) and a low drive (LD) spouse.Fact: In every marriage the LD spouse controls the sex whether they want to or not.KWTrue, but it makes a HUGE difference if the LD spouse works to try to ''step it up a bit'' or if they take a ''well that's the way it is deal with it'' ...
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When I talked about her desire going up I was speaking in terms of if her reluctance has or had anything at all to do with feeling pressured by you, then backing off for a while may improve things. 34 is early for pre-menopause, but it's not unheard of. The question then becomes, what, if anything is she going to do about it? Clearly her taking a ...
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While there is no specific Biblical prohibition on masturbation, it almost always leads to sin of some sort. The problem in your case that I can see is that it is easier than working to resolve whatever the issue with your wife is, and will always be easier than what's involved with real sex with her. So it would be very easy to fall into a habit ...
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First off, if she's going to withhold sex until you meet some standard of spiritual leadership, I'd ask her in as non-confrontational way as possible exactly what being an ''acceptable'' spiritual leader looks like and what verses or general principles she bases that standard on. You could also ask her where she gets the idea that such withholding ...
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Quicken is, in many ways a stripped down form of quickbooks. My wife uses both, QB for a few clients in her part time bookkeeping business and quicken for our home finances. She deals with the finances, with my input, because she's been a banker for 20 years. Yes Intuit produces both Quicken and QB. The personal information you put into quicken ...
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JaneFW:Chaz, what kind of *drastic* measures do you mean? Finding ways to reduce or eliminate time that they are alone together.
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BcauseHeLives: chaz345: mzjh20:These guys (or gals) are usually troubled or angry but because of the love of this woman (or man), they suddenly change. Yes, it's cheesy and fake and no one believes it's real.Really? Actually I think it's quite common that a woman marries a man expecting to be able to change significant aspects about who he is. ...
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mzjh20:These guys (or gals) are usually troubled or angry but because of the
love of this woman (or man), they suddenly change. Yes, it's cheesy and
fake and no one believes it's real.Really? Actually I think it's quite common that a woman marries a man expecting to be able to change significant aspects about who he is.
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mzjh20:Chaz345 said ''Even Christian romance novels can create the expectations problems I'm talking about.http://blackingoutthefiction.wordpress.com/2009/06/22/christy-miller-and-problems-with-christian-fairy-tales/I'll grant that clean romance stories aren't sin the way that porn is, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are ...
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GloryOne:I don't mean to be argumentative, but my ex's expectation was that I would reinact sexual scenes from porn with other people -- my expectation (if any) from romance novels, would have been a loving and romantic relationship. I really can't see the comparison.
I do realize that my experience is not everyone's. But the ...
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BcauseHeLives:No it's not the same in terms of impact on the world. But it can be harmful, I think that's the distinction Chaz is making...and Alpha.
Women & men are different. Women are touched more so by the emotional, men the visual. As a rule of thumb. So when a women is reading romance novels that portray these ...
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GloryOne:Are christians not to read fiction at all -- let's face it, there are some that would find something objectionable in almost anything, even the Little House on the Prairie series, I've seen criticized. This is slightly off topic I know, so I appologize.
In my experience with ex viewing porn, he was also corresponding with swinger's
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pooh girl: chaz345: pooh girl:
Back to OP questions, shouldn't the church address both traditional porn and explicit novels I would say yes. If, they both create lust or sexaul fantasy seems to me they should both be addressed. Regardlesss men or women.
Even half the TV shows they make now are full of sex or other trash. It's
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formerlyalpha:Or, if she is already married, but feeling emotionally neglected, she
can find herself swooning over the hunks described in the novels.While being emotionally fulfilled would probably make it less likely for a woman to ''fall'' for the imaginary guys in romance novels, it's still possible. Same as how it's entirely possible for a ...
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pooh girl:Back to OP questions, shouldn't the church address both traditional porn and explicit novels I would say yes. If, they both create lust or sexaul fantasy seems to me they should both be addressed. Regardlesss men or women.
Even half the TV shows they make now are full of sex or other trash. It's hard to decide what to
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When I mentioned you working I thought that since you have a church willing to help out that maybe free or very cheap childcare would be available. In any case, even if what you take in only amounts to a few hundred a month more than childcare, that's still a few hundred a month more than you have now. Under ordinary circumstances I wouldn't ...
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mzjh20:I thought I was finished, but I will also say this about the difference between romance novels and porn.
Porn is carnal, there's something so fleshy about it that it makes you feel dirty and sneaky and excited all at the same time. It's because you know it's wrong. You know that you're sinning against your spouse and lusting after someone ...
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Physically separating the family, especially while you and he are under a lot of pressure and need eachother the most strikes me as a VERY dangerous situation. Seems to me to be just asking for a situation where one or the other of you falls to temptation. Why not try cutting your expenses where you are? Move to as small an apartment as you ...
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mzjh20:
It seems to me that for you and Chaz345 to even ask this question is to find a reason to ''poke'' at women the same way the world ''pokes'' at men about their obsession with porn.Thanks for the automatic negative assumption about my motives, but you are in fact completely wrong. Experience with others so quick to immediately jump to ...
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Hi there,Pretty much same old same old for me. Relatively boring job that's way too far from home and then much child wrangling. Black Walnuts, bleh, don't like nuts. How many trees do you have though? That wood is worth a LOT becuase it is so prized by woodworkers. I've heard of people planting a grove of those trees as their retirement fund. PM ...
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BcauseHeLives:I agree that some romance novels can be as destructive to a marriage as porn.
I don't agree, however, that there is a hypocrisy in this area. I do believe it is addressed by our Father who disciplines His children.
I believe the HS convicts His daughters every bit as much as He does His sons. He does this ...
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bradybunchmom:When I say overly involved, I mean, they want to see them everyday. They used to live within a few blocks of each other, since getting married, he and his girls moved 15 miles/35 minutes away. They want them to come and stay weekends with them. They wanted the older girl to basically live with them during the school
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One more thing. Obviously this one thing is only one thing, you mention that there are others. My comments are based only on the information I have. It is certainly possible that combined with other things that my thoughts on this particular thing might be very different.
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bradybunchmom:I need some encouragement...I just married a man that has been widowed for 7 1/2 years. He has 2 daughters, 17 & 9. He and the girls are very close to the maternal grandparents. In fact, he is closer to them than he is to his own parents. It seem that I am constantly struggling with the emotional strain that my ...
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I raised this point quite a while ago and got pretty roundly criticized for it, but I agree entirely that there are similarities in the effects of porn and of certain types of romance novels. I say certain types because the genre of romance novels is actually quite broad and there are some that are entirely fine, thta portray a relatively ...
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formerlyalpha:Perhaps she was trying to convey her unhappiness in a wife's code
language - like being uncooperative etc - but in a language he never
learned to read. His brain tells him all is well, at least while she is
still coming to bed with him. But if she started to sleep in another
room, suddenly he would wonder what was going ...
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another name:But it's a well known trait of wives that they are usually the first to be aware of some lack in the marriage. That is why the wife's side of the bed will sport a range of relationship books, while the husband's side has none, unless she has given it to him, and then he's not likely to read it. Not unless she hammers away at ...
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formerlyalpha:The prevention options may be there - somewhere, but it's always seen as for ''others''.This is exactly the problem with focusing only on prevention. It's also why much of the pre-maritial counsiling out there is ineffective. That prevention methods will never be attempted or applied by some until they are in a different mode ...
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formerlyalpha:But it's a well known trait of wives that they are usually the first to
be aware of some lack in the marriage. That is why the wife's side of
the bed will sport a range of relationship books, while the husband's
side has none, unless she has given it to him, and then he's not likely
to read it. Not unless she hammers away ...
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another name:Targeting does not imply an accurate aim. So many of those prevention
efforts miss the mark and usually because they are predicated on both
spouses being in a place which allows them to accept the message. How
realistic is it to treat a diseased marriage but expect both spouses to
be healthy at least on an individual ...
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New International Version:As far as fixing the divorce problem, prevention is better than cure, as you stated.The thing is there's tons of prevention available. Look at how many resources there are targeted at people who have good or ok marriages that are designed to make them better. FL own weekend to remember and i still do conferences are great
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chaz345: formerlyalpha:That is why if a man fails to understand a woman, he will be on the
losing side. But once she is happy that he is treating her right - and
she is the sole judge of what that ''right'' is - she will show that by
being responsive to him. She does not need the same level of
understanding of him because he is not now ...
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formerlyalpha:That is why if a man fails to understand a woman, he will be on the
losing side. But once she is happy that he is treating her right - and
she is the sole judge of what that ''right'' is - she will show that by
being responsive to him. She does not need the same level of
understanding of him because he is not now a ...
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pooh girl:Do you find that you two have the same standards of cleaning, laundry or house upkeep? Or are they pretty different and if so how do work through it?
Our how is picked up, not messy but we dh and I clean differently.We've definitely got different standards. But we've come to understand those differences. I think a lot of women ...
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Holten:*I* don't agree with this. Please note, I didn't say you are ''wrong''.
What you say may be true for some men. But I've always taken issue
with the ''single-minded'' or ''one-track mind'' characterization of men.
Most guys I know aren't that limited. Since I brought up the single minded concept perhaps I should ...
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pooh girl: chaz345:There were several comments about how the woman has to come home from work and basically do another whole job while he just comes home and ''veges out''. Ask yourself how true this really is? Does he really do almost nothing, or all that much less than you do around the house? Or is it maybe at least partially a ...
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Some of the early responses in this thread sort of miss the concept of the ''nothing box'' but being as they were from women, it's understandable. But in that missing of the point something else came to me. Something that many may initially have a strong ''that's not true'' reaction to. I'd just ask that you put that initial gut level reaction ...
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pooh girl:Is it impossible for a man to think on more than one thing? I mean, think about men in combat or paramedics etc and it seems to me they need to be able to think on various things to do their job?
No of course it's not impossible, it's more of a tendency to only be mentally dealing with one thing at a time. But ...
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pooh girl: chaz345: pooh girl:If men have compartments and one compartment consist of a nothing box which means when they are in that compartment they are most likely thinking nothing or doing nothing and that is okay to do nothing, then what if the wife wants to nothing too? What I mean is if a husband does nothing and you have a wife who would ...
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pooh girl:If men have compartments and one compartment consist of a nothing box which means when they are in that compartment they are most likely thinking nothing or doing nothing and that is okay to do nothing, then what if the wife wants to nothing too?
What I mean is if a husband does nothing and you have a wife who would prefer to do ...
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Then there's the problem that complex is so often considered to be better. We've got all sorts of things that are constantly telling us to try to understand women, to try to do it their way, and little to nothing telling women to do it our way. Sure their are ''understand your man'' types of things, but the huge majority of them talk about how to ...
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formerlyalpha:Chaz, the intended meaning of my comment was that if you have two exhibits, one simple and one complicated, the latter is going to be more difficult to understand. In a general sense this is true but I think this is different because what's trying to be understood is part of the mechanism that we use to understand. ...
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I would start by simply making the needed changes to your behavior. At this point it sounds like words from you will have little to no meaning to her. The only thing that will have any positive effect is real changes applied over time. You can't expect that you make the changes and she accepts them a |
