FamilyLife Forums

Hello,

Recently, my wife finally got to the point where she has had all she cant take and is seriously considering a divorce.  In fact, she has contacted an attorney and a mediator, and has even told me she wants to be happy again, but not with me.  Now, she has completely frozen me out, she wont talk unless I ask a question, and is mostly unresponsive to any of my efforts to reconcile.

To her credit, she is willing to go to this conference with me, and give our marriage one more chance.  It was recommended by some family members of mine who are religous, but I have to admit, my wife and I are not really religous.  Yes, we believe in God, I went to Catholic schools and she is catholic as well, we just dont actively go to church or anything like that.

So I was wondering if anyone who has been to this in the past, or know someone who has, has any input they can give as to how well (or not so well) it went for them.  I've heard its good and read the website, and I am cautiously optomistic, but I was hoping for some real life experiences which are not loaded website promotions etc...

As I said, I am obvioulsy incredibly hopefull that this will work out, and that it will help us begin the healing process of our marriage.  Through this ordeal, I have re-realized just how much I absoultely love my wife and how very much I want to see this through.

Any comments good/negative would be welcome!

Thanks.

I can only tell you to trust that it will work to attend the conference. I am in the situation where my wife and attended the conference, but, after the first break on Saturday, she declared she could not go back because it was painful for her to attend because she could not stand it to be around so many "happy" people.

You see, she wants me to leave her - to divorce her. But, she has a delema. She's a minister.

But, you know it was funny. after we left the conference, she told me that she learned something about herself - she uses shopping as an escape.

You too might find that your wife can not participate after she commits to attend and is in the mits of participating. We can only point our wives into the direction of a heared and restored marriage. The rest is up to the Holy Spirit.

If I were you I would pickup a copy of the movie "Fireproof" and watch it before ever going to the conference. It just might lead you with some good ideas for your part in the marital relationship.

All my blessing to you and your wife!

First of all, I commend you on making this step of faith. The two of you will gain tools that you previously did not have. Also, the time away will allow for some uninterrupted time together wihout cell phones and television. You'd be amazed at what can be accomplished and talked through without the wordly distractions. While I do not know you, I will be praying for you and your wife. With God all things are possible!!! Please check back and give an update.

Yes, I have a real life experience.  Its different from yours but hopefully it will help.  At the time we went to church but in retrospect, we were going through the motions and not really living the Christian life.  This course and some other events in our lives at the time changed that.

Two years ago my wife literally dragged me to this conference.  We were so caught up in the everyday hustle of everything that "had" to get done that I didn't feel we had time and went just to please her.  We were starting to develop bad habits.  We were following the world's 50/50 marriage plan where you treat marriage as an equal partnership.  Each person is expected to basically do 50% of the "work" in the relationship, family, etc.  The problem is this falls apart when one person isn't able to keep their end up - or one person THINKS the other isn't keeping their end up.  Eventually you're going to run into problems on this plan and we were headed down that track.  Not there yet, but headed there.

The conference teaches you a new way of looking at your marriage, or rather an very old way since it is God's way but it is reexplained in terms of the 21st century by others who may have been in a similar situation.  God had a plan for marriage in the Bible and this course helped us see it.  I was not a believer in it until sometime on Saturday and then we were both fully "with the program" by mid-Sunday.  Marriage finally made sense.  I believe in this course so much now that I became a group coordinator this year.  Though we weren't as far down the path as you say you are, we were probably on a similar path and this course turned us around.  It also prepared us for what was to come.  My wife later became partially disabled and we wouldn't have survived that without what we learned from this course.

Some suggestions: go with an open mind, explore it together, pray about it, and above all finish the conference.

I pray that this is a life changing, revealing experience for you also.

Thanks for your response. 

In fact I do have a copy of Fireproof.  My Aunt bought it for me and I did see it.  Very good movie and very similar to my situation.  I have the book too which I am trying to do.  Not much success or response yet from my wife.

 

 

What you would have noticed in the fireproof movie is that change only came when The Lord Jesus Christ was invited into their lives. You see human effort cannot make a functioning marriage, that's why marriage is a Christian institution, created by God Himself to give us a living model of Christ and His Bride the Church. You said that you are not religious. That is not a bad thing, the problem is that you seem to indicate that you are not spiritual. Religion is a counterfeit. True Christianity is not religious, it is a personal living relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, walking, talking and communing with Him everyday. True Christianity is considering Him, and what He wants first, which usually turns out to be in direct conflict with what we want. You also mentioned that you both have a Catholic background. We have to be clear, the Catholic faith is not Christian, it is idolitry. The Catholic Faith worships and prays to everything but The Lord Jesus Christ, they vehemently refuse to believe the words of Him who they say is the Son of God when He said "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.Joh 14:6" . Instead they  ardently adhere to the perverse belief that Mary is the one to pray to and thus to find salvation in. The Lord Jesus Christ is able to turn your situation around, all you have to do is ask Him into your life. He alone can save you and transform you life, He alone can bring life into that which is dead. 2Sa 22:4 I will call on the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.