FamilyLife Forums

I keep failing and keep letting my my wife of 9 months down.
The latest thing happened this  morning before church. After breakfast I said I was going to go  shave and get dressed in the master bathroom so I wouldn't have to run back and forth  between my bedroom and the second bathroom. She said I was pushing and just because we bathed together last night that I wasn't allowed full use of it again. We left for church and she said her stomuch was hurting because she couldn't go to the bathroom because she was upset because of what I had done. She was feeling nauses so she told me to stop the car and she would walk back to the house. I told her I would take her back. She said no and proceeded to walk. I didn't follow her. I stopped and started praying what to do. After I got home she told me I was supposed to follow her and showing that I cared and pick her up. She said she thought I was changing and she's regretting last night. She said she hates me, I should go to hell, and something else to myself.  I apologized for everything  and not knowing what I was supposed to do.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.                                                                                                                

It goes without saying that every husband has at some time been scratching his head trying to understand why his wife acts as she does, so on that score I'm sure most men can identify with you.
My first thoughts when I read this post were that there must be factors that you have not disclosed.

But your post in the Family forum adds some details that are lacking here.
People do not behave in a certain way without a reason. What are your respective histories?
Here, you say that you have been married only 9mths, giving me the impression that you and your wife are probably young, and without experience of living in a cohabiting state. Especially as you invoke God and prayer as a norm.
 Yet, in the other forum you disclose that there are 3 children. So there is a history that is significant. Whose children are they? Etc?

Without knowing some of that history I would just be guessing at what the issues are, and why things are panning for you out as they are. I can't get a handle on just what is all the palaver about the bathrooms.

Wow!!  And I thought I had problems. Seriously, your description of this woman sounds like there is some MAJOR  psychopathology going on. My guess is that NOTHING you do will be good enough or the right thing,etc,etc.  You cannot be allowed to be in control of things like which bathroom to brush your teeth in-- and if you try to exert control she'll make you regret it with INSANE rationalizations and condemnations. Sorry buddy, but this looks like it might be impossible to live with this woman. ( And-- that may be what she wants. She might regret marrying you --so if she can drive you away with behavior no sane person could tolerate---guess who's the bad guy among her circle of friends??  YOU.  Trust me-- this has been done before. )

Enough diagnosis. Recomended treatment:

#1  Don't walk-- RUN to a professional Christian marriage counsellor( literally-DO IT THIS WEEK!!)-- and I would call around and get recomendations on whom to see-- but I think you should see someone that neither of you know--they are usually percieved as an honest broker. Your pastor may be OK IF he's smart and reasonable and experienced. Not all are ( and of course that applies to other counsellors as well) ( I had a friend years ago whose wife was just treating him badly- including an emotional affair with a coworker. They went to their pastor who was HER uncle! Needless to say this turned out badly.)   

#2  You post as a new husband so I'm assuming you haven't been married long--and therefore probably have no children.  DO NOT GET THIS WOMAN PREGNANT  unless your relationship is worked out WELL -- not just OK. You don't want to bring your children into a crazy situation like this.

God bless. I appreciate your desire to do what's right. I think, however, if your wife behaves as described, you will probably find it impossible to have a happy, normal life with this woman. " A wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her own hands." Proverbs 14:1

 I'll remember you in my prayers.

Joel213

paulieluvslela:

I keep failing and keep letting my my wife of 9 months down.
The latest thing happened this  morning before church. After breakfast I said I was going to go  shave and get dressed in the master bathroom so I wouldn't have to run back and forth  between my bedroom and the second bathroom. She said I was pushing and just because we bathed together last night that I wasn't allowed full use of it again. We left for church and she said her stomuch was hurting because she couldn't go to the bathroom because she was upset because of what I had done. She was feeling nauses so she told me to stop the car and she would walk back to the house. I told her I would take her back. She said no and proceeded to walk. I didn't follow her. I stopped and started praying what to do. After I got home she told me I was supposed to follow her and showing that I cared and pick her up. She said she thought I was changing and she's regretting last night. She said she hates me, I should go to hell, and something else to myself.  I apologized for everything  and not knowing what I was supposed to do.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.                                                                                                                

Ok let me get this straight. Your wife started feeling ill on the way to church, insisted on walking even after you offered to drive her home and somehow you are wrong for not following her in the car?  My response to her if she were here is that she's full of something the word police won't let me say.

But the first part of your post has me very confused. It almost sounds as if she's placing limits on how much an when you two even see eachother naked or partially dressed. What does it mean that you aren't allowed full use of the master bathroom?

Even without that being clarified I'd say that it sounds like there are some major issues that need professional help to be dealt with.

---

Chaz345