FamilyLife Forums

So Chaz, you obviously got unbanned.  Nice to see you.  What's the story?  I haven't been on here much lately - life got busy.  So, apologies if I missed some explanatory post from you.  I didn't see such in a search.

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Love God; Love people.

Seek first to understand before you seek to be understood.

Step 1: Toast the Poptart.

Wasn't really planning on making any sort of explanatory post, what went on is essentially between me and the moderator.  It basically boils down to him feeling like he over-reacted to things from me that were reported and which were probably very close to the line as opposed to being over it.  Things that basically amount to my frustration over the fact that most conversations about marriage dynamics end up getting dominated by rape/abuse caused me to appear to be insensitive to those who have experienced those things.

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Chaz345

Hello Holten & Chaz.  I see you two are still around...

KW

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In marriage you either grow up or grow apart. It's your choice.

Chaz, I was surprised to see you back, and with the same forum I D. This must be a first.
I did wonder how that came about.
While I don't want to induce you to divulge more than you feel is appropriate, one question that does interest me is, "where did the first move come from in that turn of events"?

You talk about being close to "the line". I think it is very easy to be dragged towards that line, rather like get caught in an undertow when swimming. That's why I have put a particular thread in the men's section. I would have preferred wider input to that, but decided to be pragmatic. I think some ideas can be so polarizing that they can be too hot to handle in that wider context. Yet they are important and the very fact that they generate such heat proves that.
And FL don't want to limit debate in the Forum, which is why it may sometimes need to be placed in a forum category where it can be examined without causing undue upset.

formerlyalpha:

Chaz, I was surprised to see you back, and with the same forum I D. This must be a first.
I did wonder how that came about.
While I don't want to induce you to divulge more than you feel is appropriate, one question that does interest me is, "where did the first move come from in that turn of events"?

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There was no real first move or turn of events The mod sent me a PM, actually only a week or so after the "ban" explaining that a long term ban was never his intent. That he sort of had a knee jerk reaction to some reports.  I'm only back now because for some reason that even I don;t really know, I decided to check my mailbox a couple of days ago.

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Chaz345

formerlyalpha:

You talk about being close to "the line". I think it is very easy to be dragged towards that line, rather like get caught in an undertow when swimming.

While the pull you speak of is undeniable, it's still not justification or excuse to go over the line. The thing is anyone who had really taken the time to understand where I'm comming from in general never would have seen the things that got reported as offensive.

formerlyalpha:

That's why I have put a particular thread in the men's section. I would have preferred wider input to that, but decided to be pragmatic. I think some ideas can be so polarizing that they can be too hot to handle in that wider context. Yet they are important and the very fact that they generate such heat proves that.
And FL don't want to limit debate in the Forum, which is why it may sometimes need to be placed in a forum category where it can be examined without causing undue upset.

You know that in the case of that topic "wider input" would have resulted in the same basic conversation that's been had a thousand times.  I too would like to see wider input on that and similar topics but that would require that some who apparently have already decided for us what we mean to actually try to abandon their preconceptions and listen to what's actually being said.

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Chaz345