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watchman is right...maybe not all but some of us!
I find myself in a similar situation except it may be too late for me! I am
praying, I am hoping, i have faith that GOD can work a miracle!
"Years. Wasted years. I know now after so many mistakes and repenting a
billion times and reading very good books and listening to my wife's heart that
if we're not taking our marriages seriously, there's a lost blessing"
It is funny, until now... until GOD finally grabbed my by the back of my neck
and played out the whole movie of my marriage to me, I did not see. I felt like
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Ebenezer Scrooge being visited by the different ghost of Christmas
past. instead of his 3 or 4 had had tens of ghost (I now know they were angles)
visit me and show how foolish, how selfish, how plain old STUPID i had been
over the last 9...YES, 9 years!!
The worst part is the whole time I didn't see it that way. Yea, we had our blow
ups over the past years but I saw them as individual incidents, not things that
continued to build a wall between my wife and I. Not seeing that even the small
items were thrown into the same pile and built the walls up even higher.
I was awaken the other day @ 3am (GOD has a way of getting you where he can
have your FULL attention) by a dream. Funny part is that before a month ago, I
could not remember a dream to save my life. This dream had me on a boat... a
great cruise liner. I was the captain and guiding the boat through a sea of icebergs.
I could see the portions of the icebergs that were on the surface, somewhere
not too big...other were huge. As I steered the boat through the sea of ice, we
would get close to a few burgs...occasionally glancing a few others. Overall
there did not seems to be too much damage on the surface. A little scrape here,
a little bump there, one or two major hits but she was still a float. To cut to
the chase guys... what i did not see was the MASSIVE damage that occurred below
the surface. They say 2/3 of an iceberg is below the surface...and I steered
that ship into many more burgs than I missed.
As you can tell the ship was my beautiful, loving, caring wife...and I was the incompetent
pilot.
Like I said, GOD has a way of getting your attention... really getting your
attention. We had argument and disagreement that would end in "Just forget
it!"... i was all to CHICKEN and all too happy to let it end there.
Thinking that she would somehow deal with it and come back to me when she was
ready to talk. Most of you are probably laughing at this point and saying
"No one can be that dumb!". Honestly guys, I was that dumb!!!
I think by now you get the drift of my response to watchman's post. It was like
he has been living in my house for the last 9 years. I put other things ahead
of my marriage and my wife. I did not have the right order in my life:
GOD
Marriage/wife
Kids
Everything else
Fortunately or unfortunately (depends on how you want to look at it)... I now
see the error of my way. I have been convicted (good ole fashion whipp’in), i
have been shown what I have done to the GREAT women that came into my life 11
years ago...but i did not know how to handle it. No clue how to build a loving,
nurturing, caring relationship.
At this point we are tying counseling but is it too little to late. I know that
GOD can do anything, i know that GOD can make a way out of no way, that just a
touch from GOD can make any situation turn around.
I have been so fired up over the last month about showing how GOD has
ministered to me and turned me inside out. Changed me...clear the crust from my
eyes. I have a burning desire to do the things i have not done for so many
years....the little things... the precious little things.
But now, my wife's sweet, loving, caring heart is hard and cold from waiting
for me to get a clue. Waiting for me to see how great she is/was..for me to
uplift and support her when needed (i thought I was but not in the way she
needed me to be).
I wrote her a letter the other day called "Things I did not have the
courage to say" and gave it to her on the morning we were going to see a
Marriage Counselor for the first time. Is this letter I listed all the things i
realized i had done over the last 9 years. What GOD had shown me and how i finally
got... really got the true depth of my sins. At the close of the letter I
wanted to BEG and PLEED for "ONE MORE CHANCE", but knew I had nothing
of my own to stand on.
I ended the letter like this.
"
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I can only ask one thing of you…as we try today see if there is some
miracle that can come our way…Please TRUST GOD…TRUST WHAT HE TELLS YOU…no
matter what the answer TRUST HIM!
I love you, I always will "
Guys, be strong in
the word of the LORD! Please, please, please remember the order you life should
be in:
GOD
Marriage
Kids
everything else!
Please pray for my wife, for my family and for me as we pass through these
difficult times. Pray for our strength in the LORD!
