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• You believed God was less concerned with whether or not your needs were being met and more concerned with the state of your heart?
• You were able to give up all efforts to become happy by trying to change your spouse?
• You no longer desired to show your spouse how poorly you are being loved?
• You had the capacity to accept your spouse as he or she is and have a lifestyle of forgiveness?
• You knew God's grace in a way that freed you from guilt and shame so you could honestly explore the ways you don't love well?
• You believed in God's love for you so deeply that you were confident you could love strongly and wisely no matter what?
• You committed to finding purpose and passion for life that didn't depend on your spouse's response or approval?
• Your heart was no longer characterized by bitterness, despair, pride or apathy?
• You were able to disengage from the destructiveness of your marriage while developing a desire to constructively engage in what was God-honoring?

This was taken by Thriving Despite A Difficult Marriage by Michael Misja, PHD & Chuck Misja, PHD Christian Psychologists

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Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground...

Good stuff.
This should be part of the response to anyone saying they love but arent in love, and all that stuff

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Cool Im banned TOO.
Enjoy it Holten and Company!

It is good stuff, I'm going through the book right now.

These guys were very thorough in this book, not only do they give you a Godly model to follow but they go into detail on how to do so.

It's different from any marriage book I've ever read in that they're not telling you if you do X your spouse will do Y.  Instead they are saying if you do X you will thrive despite whether your spouse does Y or not...and maybe what you think Y is isn't really good for your marriage anyway.

I recommend it to anyone struggling in their marriage.  It's pretty powerful stuff...God's reaching out through these guys & their book straight to my aching heart. 

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Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground...

"

You committed to finding purpose and passion for life that didn't depend on your spouse's response or approval?  "

This one is a difficult one for me.Or has been anyway.I think this one is difficult for many men and women.Starting in childhhood we crave our parents approval.We long to be admired for something.Thats hard to switch off in the most intimate relationship you will ever have with another human being in your life time.

Love

Dallas

dallasapple:

"

You committed to finding purpose and passion for life that didn't depend on your spouse's response or approval?  "

This one is a difficult one for me.Or has been anyway.I think this one is difficult for many men and women.Starting in childhhood we crave our parents approval.We long to be admired for something.Thats hard to switch off in the most intimate relationship you will ever have with another human being in your life time.

Love

Dallas

Nah...I found one.

My passion is to have sex with my wife, independent of her approval!

 

JUST KIDDING!!!!!(jake based on an old thread)

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Cool Im banned TOO.
Enjoy it Holten and Company!

dallasapple:

"

You committed to finding purpose and passion for life that didn't depend on your spouse's response or approval?  "

This one is a difficult one for me.Or has been anyway.I think this one is difficult for many men and women.Starting in childhhood we crave our parents approval.We long to be admired for something.Thats hard to switch off in the most intimate relationship you will ever have with another human being in your life time.

Love

Dallas

Dallas,

 

I get you, it would be hard to not have your spouses response or acceptance.  Imagine if those who never got their parents approval or love etc growing up in the first place, then end up in the marriage with same thing happening that would totally blow in my opinion.     I read those 9 points and I would have a hard time with 6 of them, so your doing great if only 1 would be tough.

 

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I Love My Husband!
Go Gators!!!

pooh girl:

dallasapple:

"

You committed to finding purpose and passion for life that didn't depend on your spouse's response or approval?  "

This one is a difficult one for me.Or has been anyway.I think this one is difficult for many men and women.Starting in childhhood we crave our parents approval.We long to be admired for something.Thats hard to switch off in the most intimate relationship you will ever have with another human being in your life time.

Love

Dallas

Dallas,

 

I get you, it would be hard to not have your spouses response or acceptance.  Imagine if those who never got their parents approval or love etc growing up in the first place, then end up in the marriage with same thing happening that would totally blow in my opinion.     I read those 9 points and I would have a hard time with 6 of them, so your doing great if only 1 would be tough.

 

Oh no..dont get me wrong..I just think that particular one ..may have or did cause me to have difficulty with the remaining 8.

I think it was especially hard because my lifes work was at home taking care of him and the children.

And even triple hard because he himself had problems with a lot of those too.I always felt like he was the one trying to change me ..and dependent on me to make him happy.

I think we both failed each other on a lot of those points.

But what "if" ?..Well ..the world of marriage would be a better place .

Love

Dallas

What if we took one "what if" at a time & worked at it until it went from a "what if" to a "it is what it is"?

Our marriages & our spiritual health would be awesome! :)

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Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground...

BcauseHeLives:

What if we took one "what if" at a time & worked at it until it went from a "what if" to a "it is what it is"?

Our marriages & our spiritual health would be awesome! :)

 

WHERE do we START!!! WAHH!!

 

I know where I have to start..Its the hardest one now..Its not the first one I mentioned..I sort of got over that one..Its another one..

 

Love((((HUGS))

I love this thread..

 

Dallas