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I've only been married for 8 months. My wife is controlling and will not cooperate with me in getting our marriage a start. She disagrees with everything I say or ask of her.  All the issues she has that I deal with goes untouched. When I have a concern about what she does and doesn't do, I humbly express my concerns to her and await for her to make some effort to do better, she never does. I go back at a later date and address the problems again and she gets upset with me so I stop.  She makes all the decisions and any sign of me excercing my authority, ideas and/or solutions, she threatens me with a divorce and she isolates me and cuts the communication.  She has all the characteristics of a narcissist. I've also studied about Emotional abondanment and she fits the bill. She did a few things purposely to make me think that she was having an affair but there wasn't one going on but now she continues do do things that makes her looks suspicious of an affair and when I bring it to her attention she gets mad and threatens a divorce, isolate herself and cut the communication. She tends to focus on and punish me for any issues I have but never do anything about the issues she has and she ignores my concerns. She won't even do simple things to please me like greet me when I leave and come, like a kiss, a hug and ask "How was your day?"  She claims she suffer from fear of vulnerability. I read about that but it is more of a narcissist. I'm really tired and as far as a future, there is no security. If I go any further, I feel once I get content she will flip a script.

She really sounds like she is seeking attention (even negative attention) from you.  Try to have a heart-to-heart talk with her.  NO raising your voice, and if she starts to raise her voice, continue the conversation later when she cooled off.  Make an effort to listen to what she is saying, even if it sounds like it's all your fault, she needs to vent.  Eventually she'll feel bad about any harsh words.  The movie Fireproof is a great chic flick that can open up dialog about your marriage between the two of you.  Biggest advise, have lots of patience.  Good luck...  I'll be praying for you.

It's amazing that you said that... You hit the nail on the head. My wife told me that she has a problem with that. She's had it since childhood.  She said that she has healed from it but I don't believe it.  She told me that she use to dress up and go to clubs when she felt like she needed attention.  She said even if some man paid her attention, she's thrilled to turn him down...  I believe my wife has some other mental problem as well...  I'm starting to realize that she does things, good and bad just to get a reaction from me.  She also said "Hurting People, Hurts People." 

Thanks for your help and the prayer.

Now what you need to do is ignore (and I mean NO reaction at all) the bad stuff she is doing for attention, and give attention to the good stuff.  A bit like what you do to a child (after all, she is acting like a child anyway).  It may be a long time but eventually she will begin to re-train herself and life will get alot easier.  God Bless you...

Hi,

 I am sorry to hear of your current situation. I want to encourage you to not give up, even though at time it may seem like the most simple thing to do... . God is so merciful, one of my fav. verse is Romans 8:28 " And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose" God has a plan and he assures us of this plan, now we must just put our trust in him. There is a wonderful movie that you two should watch together, its called "Fireproof." It was very encouraging to me and my husband. I also suggest marriage counseling. Me and my husband go to marriage counseling, and I have to admit I do walk out of there feeling so encouraged, and I do good for a couple of days and then I forget to continue applying what we discussed in counseling, but what helps me is that me and my husband do a devotional every night, sometimes they are brief, but by us constantly being in the word, day after day.......it helps me reapply what I learned every week in counseling and also during our small devotionals. We usually open our devotional in prayers, and by us praying outloud, it helps us see one anohter's struggles and request....then we read verses from the bible together and then we discuss what our understanding of the verse is and it opens up our communication. There is an end to this storm, and the only way is through our wonderful savior. God saved our marraige and he can yours too, keep praying and staying close to the word. A good book in the bible to start together during your devotional would be Ephesians.

I will say a quick prayer for you guys:

God, thank you so much for sending your son, Jesus Christ to die on the cross for all our sins. I ask that you please help this gentlemen and his wife during the struggles that they are currently going through right now in their lives, and I ask that you please give them the strenght, encouragment, wisdom and guidance that they need. I ask you you soften their hearts and mold them according to your will. I ask that you bless them and be there to comfort them in their every need. Lord, thank you for being so merciful to us all. In Jesus Christ name I pray, AMEN.

Take care, and God bless you and your family.

Hi, I agree, ignore the negative behaviour & spend more attention to her when she's being positive, I would also suggest some couples counselling.  I also suggest reading the book "Love Dare".

Just curious but did she grow up without a positive male roll model?  I've seen this before in women/girls who did not have a caring father figure in their lives. 

My prayers are with you & your family.

~ Nicole

Correcto!  She grew up without a posite role model inher life.  She haven't had a relationship with her Dad since she was 9 years old.  She told me that her Mom was never home because she worked all the time, therefore she feels she raised herself.  She does not respect authority at all, nor will she allow me to be the Head.

I knew she had some issues before we got married but I felt that I could make a difference in her life. I also married for the right reasons, I can't say the same for her. This woman goes out of her way to try to paint a negative picture of me just to cover up her negative behavior.

Of all the previous relationships she had before me, none of those guys ever looked backed, even her kids dad. They don't mess with her in no shape, form or fashion. I'm seeing a lot of things that I didn't see before.  One thing I know for sure, she doesn't intend to change.  She told me that she is fine either way if the marriage fail or succeed.  She says "Life goes on and she will still live".  I told her if that is her attitude, then the marriage nor me is important to her and therefore, only one person can't make the marriage better, it takes both working at it.  For everything I say, she has an excuse for it regardless of what it is.

This woman doesn't include me in anything. I asked her to go to a movie with me for months and she always gave me an excuse. She called me one day to tell me that her and her son was going to the movie. I think she just wanted me to get upset that they was going to see one of the movies I had asked her to go see with me.  I asked her about taking some professional pictures and she never would. One day she came home with pictures she had gone to take with her daughter and some by herself.  She has taken her kids on 3 trips and she always end up mad with me prior to the trip, therefore she bardge me from going with them.  She is getting ready to take them on another trip and she tells me that they are going in her daughter's car and it is not enough room for me to go.

Father's Day, just like my birthday, this woman didn't even get me a card. She says she didn't because she didn't want to. For Father's Day, she says I'm not her Father. I asked her if she ever seen the Father's Day cards that says "To My Husband on Father's Day", she said she have but she's not interested.

We've gone to couseling. The same day I went, she refuse to do what the couselors suggested. I've asked her to pray and study the bible with me and she refused each time.  Just the other day I suggested we pray, I told her that I will pray and she don't have to say a word just to get her to pray with me. She finally agreed.

I try real hard to ignore her and I guess when she sense that, she gets worst. She tries to make me think that there is another man in her life, when I respond to her actions by telling her how it makes me feel, she tells me that I got a problem and I need to get some help and that she is not interested in seeing me nor talking to me until I get some help.  I told her that I guess this marriage is over then because I'm standing my ground and I will not go get any help that I don't need.  I told her that it is her that need the help.

About2JumpShip:

I try real hard to ignore her and I guess when she sense that, she gets worst. She tries to make me think that there is another man in her life, when I respond to her actions by telling her how it makes me feel, she tells me that I got a problem and I need to get some help and that she is not interested in seeing me nor talking to me until I get some help.  I told her that I guess this marriage is over then because I'm standing my ground and I will not go get any help that I don't need.  I told her that it is her that need the help.

Im not a psychologist..but it sounds as if to me she was deliberately trying to see if she could or can get you to quit on her.Because in her mind thats what you would do eventually anyway.She has convinced her self she doesnt need you or any man.So why should she do anything she really doesnt want to do for your happiness.And Im sorry at her age..and after already one failed marriage..and only 8months into ya'lls marriage it sounds pretty bleak.

Im not saying you should leave.But living with someone who is that cold towards you due to no fault of your own who basically never (it sounds if) puts your feelings before hers would be something I wouldnt expect anyone to do.

Its as if she is using the fact you care about her and want to be with her against you.You are her current whipping post.Its a power and control thing."You cant MAKE me love you..I dare you to try".I can almost hear her laughing at your attempts .

I wish I could help more.

Love

Dallas