A Christian organization helping couples build healthier marriages and families.
It is my opinion that a man who honors the vows he made to his wife and who stands by his children and grandchildren is the unsung hero of America today.
You can take most of the social ills in our culture and find a link directly back to the absence of a father in the home. In the past 30 years, there has been a 550-percent increase in violent crime, a 400-percent increase in illegitimate births, a 200-percent increase in teenage pregnancy and a 300-percent increase in teenage suicide. And experts have traced all these things to the breakdown of the family and, specifically, the absence of a father.
Now, I am not a perfect father, but I want to be the husband, father and grandfather God wants me to be. In the New Testament story of the prodigal son, we find an example of a great father, of what a dad ought to be. This father had two sons whom he loved and provided for. But one day, the younger son demanded his share of the estate. The custom was that the inheritance would be divided among the heirs when the father died, but this son was basically saying, "Dad, I am tired of waiting for you to die. I want my money now." What a brash young man. How disrespectful that was. How it must have broken his father's heart. All this son cared about was himself. So the father divided the inheritance between both boys. And upon receiving his, the younger son left home and ultimately squandered it all.
Basically, this dad allowed his son to make his decisions and, yes, even face the repercussions of them. You see, we can only take our children so far – and not any further than we ourselves have come. Our children are watching us. They will walk in our footsteps. They will emulate our behavior. And hopefully as fathers, we are walking the right way. The Bible says, "Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it" (Proverbs 22:6 NLT). So start now. That is our responsibility as parents.
What has been the impact of feminism on the nation? Don't miss "The War on Fathers: How the 'feminization of America' destroys boys, men – and women"
Children are not ours to be molded, but rather to be unfolded. In other words, we need to discover who God wants them to be and then help them become that. We want to point our children to Christ, but we don't want to mold them into our image; we want to do everything we can to point them toward God so their lives will be a reflection of him.
One of the greatest heartaches we have as parents is when our kids go astray. Some time ago, I spoke with a father who was estranged from his daughter. She was in the process of destroying her life through bad decisions. He had not talked with her for some time, and as this father told me her story, I said, "You know what? Your daughter needs to know that you love her. And you need to keep the door open." Then I told him the story of the father and the prodigal son and pointed out that the son always knew, despite his actions, that his father loved him and would welcome him home. I said, "Your child needs to know the same from you." That father reconnected with his daughter and perhaps even saved her life.
Your children need to know that you love them, even if they have messed up, even if they are not living the way you want them to live. Let your children know that you love them.
The prodigal son knew he was loved by his father. How? Because he knew he could always go home. And eventually he missed home. The Bible tells us:
When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, "At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, 'Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.'" (Luke 15:17–19 NLT)
The son left home and then returned because he knew his father loved him. And the Bible paints a beautiful picture of that homecoming: "So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him" (verse 20 NLT).
(Column continues below)
Yes, there are prodigal sons and daughters. But there are prodigal fathers, too. Maybe you feel like a failure as a dad. Maybe you are thinking, Well, I have messed up. There is nothing I could ever do to make it right. Maybe you haven't done it right up to this point – but you can change. Would you say, "Lord, I want to be a better father. I want to be a better spiritual leader. Change me"? God can help you to do that.
Wherever you are, whoever you are, you can come into a relationship with God – a relationship where you can call him "Father." That was a revolutionary thought for a first-century Jew. When Jesus taught the disciples to pray, "Our Father in heaven," it was unheard of to call the all-powerful, all-knowing God who created the heavens and the earth "Father," but it became possible through what Jesus did on the cross. The Bible tells us, "But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons" (Galatians 4:4–5 NIV).
It may be that you never had a father at all. Except for a very brief time, I didn't have a father when I was growing up, because my mother was married and divorced so many times. But God in heaven became the father I never had on earth. And God can do that for you, too. Whether or not your father was there for you, you have always had a Heavenly Father who loves you.
And even if you have failed in some regard as a father, as a man, it is not too late to start over again. You can start today to become the father God has called you to be. He is the best role model there is – and ever will be.
Dr. Paul Kengordownload photo
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me.” (Psalm 23:4) My family and I drove aside the Mall in Washington, DC, creeping along Independence Avenue in search of a parking spot. We were beyond the Washington Monument, further south near our ultimate destination: the Lincoln Memorial. It was part of an educational field trip to teach our children about the Civil War, and to embrace a teachable moment on how the nation’s Civil War president fought for the basic rights and dignity of every human being, including those that the culture and law of the day considered not fully human. Finally, we found an open meter next to the Department of the Interior. We put the baby in a stroller and crossed the street. At a fork in the path, I suggested we go left, while my wife said we should head right. We went right—good call. Before we knew it, we encountered more people heading in the same direction. Suddenly, we descended into a dip in the walkway, and then I noticed it, for the first time, completely caught off guard, truly taken aback: I was staring at the Vietnam War Memorial. I’m embarrassed to say I had never seen it before. I always wanted to see it. Now, we had happened upon it, and it isn’t the kind of thing you want to happen upon. The scene was absolutely somber, just as everyone says. It’s the spirit of the place. All those names, cast against the black—all those boys whose lives were cut short in that war in Southeast Asia decades ago. The mood is remarkably sad for anyone—even those of us with no recollection of a single person on that wall—but it’s devastating for those lonely visitors who have a connection, who have intimate knowledge of someone on that wall; they see a face, and memories, when they see the name. There they are: touching the chiseled name, caressing it, speaking to it, praying for it, crying over it, or placing a piece of paper atop it and rubbing a crayon to bring it home. It’s the only physical remainder left from their loved one, and so they want to be with it and take it back where it belongs. I glimpsed an old man, kneeling, weeping, as he rested his hand on what must have been his long-deceased son. For a younger dad, like myself, to witness that sheer sense of loss, aside my own young boys, alive and well, not yet of age for military service, is alarming. We poked along gradually, haltingly, speechlessly, taking in scene upon scene. We were in the valley of death. Alas, as I neared the end, having lagged behind in a daze, sauntering past the dead, it suddenly dawned on me that I had been clutching the hand of my precious three-year-old, Abigail Joy, the entire time. “Good Lord,” I thought to myself, “what have I just done to this child?” This sweet, innocent girl …. What had I exposed her to? Had I just traumatized this beautiful little girl? In that flash, I expected to look down and see a sobbing, troubled, confused child, who would need explanations and parental counseling. Instead, I was amazed when she looked up at me, beamed, cocked her head to the side, blushed, and smiled. She was filled with joy over simply being with her dad, holding his hand in a leisurely walk down a path on a pretty day. She hadn’t seen a thing on that dark, grim wall. Abigail had been shielded, protected, with her dad. All she knew, in her universe, was that she was with her father, and all was right with the world. She had walked through the shadow of the valley of death with her father, and feared no evil, because she was with him. Yes, the Psalm fits. It had also once fit for those same boys on that wall, as they crept through the rice paddies and jungles, as gunfire and grenades and landmines surrounded them, and, most poignantly, as they met their own final moments in their own valley. It fits today, too, for their parents, peering at that wall, reminiscing back to when their children were three-year-olds. All of them: those troops, their parents, and passersby who happen upon that wall; they all have a Father to lead them, to be with them, who they can hold on to and look up to, as they enter the valley. Sometimes, it takes the vantage of a child to bring the message home.
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me.” (Psalm 23:4)
My family and I drove aside the Mall in Washington, DC, creeping along Independence Avenue in search of a parking spot. We were beyond the Washington Monument, further south near our ultimate destination: the Lincoln Memorial. It was part of an educational field trip to teach our children about the Civil War, and to embrace a teachable moment on how the nation’s Civil War president fought for the basic rights and dignity of every human being, including those that the culture and law of the day considered not fully human.
Finally, we found an open meter next to the Department of the Interior. We put the baby in a stroller and crossed the street. At a fork in the path, I suggested we go left, while my wife said we should head right. We went right—good call.
Before we knew it, we encountered more people heading in the same direction. Suddenly, we descended into a dip in the walkway, and then I noticed it, for the first time, completely caught off guard, truly taken aback: I was staring at the Vietnam War Memorial.
I’m embarrassed to say I had never seen it before. I always wanted to see it. Now, we had happened upon it, and it isn’t the kind of thing you want to happen upon.
The scene was absolutely somber, just as everyone says. It’s the spirit of the place. All those names, cast against the black—all those boys whose lives were cut short in that war in Southeast Asia decades ago.
The mood is remarkably sad for anyone—even those of us with no recollection of a single person on that wall—but it’s devastating for those lonely visitors who have a connection, who have intimate knowledge of someone on that wall; they see a face, and memories, when they see the name. There they are: touching the chiseled name, caressing it, speaking to it, praying for it, crying over it, or placing a piece of paper atop it and rubbing a crayon to bring it home. It’s the only physical remainder left from their loved one, and so they want to be with it and take it back where it belongs.
I glimpsed an old man, kneeling, weeping, as he rested his hand on what must have been his long-deceased son. For a younger dad, like myself, to witness that sheer sense of loss, aside my own young boys, alive and well, not yet of age for military service, is alarming.
We poked along gradually, haltingly, speechlessly, taking in scene upon scene. We were in the valley of death.
Alas, as I neared the end, having lagged behind in a daze, sauntering past the dead, it suddenly dawned on me that I had been clutching the hand of my precious three-year-old, Abigail Joy, the entire time.
“Good Lord,” I thought to myself, “what have I just done to this child?” This sweet, innocent girl …. What had I exposed her to? Had I just traumatized this beautiful little girl?
In that flash, I expected to look down and see a sobbing, troubled, confused child, who would need explanations and parental counseling. Instead, I was amazed when she looked up at me, beamed, cocked her head to the side, blushed, and smiled. She was filled with joy over simply being with her dad, holding his hand in a leisurely walk down a path on a pretty day. She hadn’t seen a thing on that dark, grim wall.
Abigail had been shielded, protected, with her dad. All she knew, in her universe, was that she was with her father, and all was right with the world. She had walked through the shadow of the valley of death with her father, and feared no evil, because she was with him.
Yes, the Psalm fits. It had also once fit for those same boys on that wall, as they crept through the rice paddies and jungles, as gunfire and grenades and landmines surrounded them, and, most poignantly, as they met their own final moments in their own valley. It fits today, too, for their parents, peering at that wall, reminiscing back to when their children were three-year-olds.
All of them: those troops, their parents, and passersby who happen upon that wall; they all have a Father to lead them, to be with them, who they can hold on to and look up to, as they enter the valley. Sometimes, it takes the vantage of a child to bring the message home.
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San Francisco, CA - While many dads are receiving fancy new gadgets and ties this Father’s Day, a dynamic group of more than 1,800 men including major business leaders, politicians, professional athletes, coaches and others nationwide are giving back to their families and communities by sending a powerful message that it is time to stand up for what it means to be a father and a positive role model.
This is the premise that started Founding Fathers SM – an effort founded in 2003 by a group of men in partnership with the Family Violence Prevention Fund. That year, men like Joe Torre, Russell Simmons, Sen. Joseph Biden, Bill Cosby, Tom Brokaw, Ted Waitt, the founder of Gateway, and several hundred others gathered together to adopt a new idea: that men can use Father’s Day as a time to take a stand for respect, and help break the cycle of violence against women and children.
Each man made a financial contribution and took a pledge dedicating himself to coaching the next generation of boys to be better than the last and to help “build a new kind of society – where decency and respect require no special day on the calendar, where boys are taught that violence does not equal strength and where men stand with courage, lead with conviction and speak with one voice to say, ‘No more’.”
Since then, each year on Father’s Day men from all walks of life have joined the ranks of the Founding Fathers. This year welcomes baseball Hall-of-Famer Willie Mays; NFL star Amani Toomer; Commissioner of Major League Soccer, Don Garber; Governor of Maine, John E. Baldacci; Head Coach of the San Francisco 49ers, Mike Nolan; President and COO of Verizon, Denny Strigl; and Chairman, President and CEO of Macy’s, Terry Lundgren among others.
“When we first invited men nationwide to become part of the solution, we drew an impassioned response across the country,” said Esta Soler, Founder and President of Family Violence Prevention Fund. “We are so proud and inspired by these men and their courageous leadership and financial support for prevention programs.”
Since its inaugural year, the diverse group of men has grown to six-times its original size and Family Violence Prevention Fund has its sights set on expanding their efforts into a bigger “respect” project in 2008 which will take the effort a step further by encouraging the act of giving respect to others and teaching respect to the young people both through words and by example.
“I am so proud to chair the Founding Fathers campaign because it reminds us that we can all help stop violence – in our families, our communities, and our world,” said Founding Fathers Honorary Chairman Ted Waitt. “When we empower a young man to speak out against violence, we help him become an example for others and start a chain of positive action that can extend indefinitely.”
“In 2008, we hope to engage more companies to lead the way with a new project that calls upon all adults – parents, teachers, coaches, and other mentors to both boys and girls – to embrace the powerful effect of giving someone else in your life the gift of respect,” said Soler.
According to a recent poll** conducted for Family Violence Prevention Fund by Peter D. Hart Research Associates, made possible with support from Verizon Wireless, men are up to the challenge:
As evidence of the impact a small group of dedicated men can make in violence prevention, earlier this week, a U.S. House of Representatives Appropriations subcommittee included $10 million in new funding to support programs that focus on engaging men and boys in the prevention of domestic and sexual violence.
“These men have started something powerful and we hope that this is indeed the beginning of a new kind of society where violence against women and children no longer exists,” said Soler.
About the Family Violence Prevention Fund
The Family Violence Prevention Fund (FVPF) works to end violence against women and children around the world, because every person has the right to live free of violence. In 2003, the FVPF and The Advertising Council launched a campaign to encourage men to teach boys that violence against women is wrong. Coaching Boys into Men includes television, radio and print public service announcements, and numerous resources. The FVPF’s Founding Fathers campaign includes CEOs, professional athletes, entertainers, coaches and others who are mobilizing men to teach the next generation to treat women and girls with honor and respect, and to teach boys that violence does not equal strength. More information is available at www.endabuse.org.
*To interview a Founding Father, please contact Rachael Smith at 415.252.8900.
**Peter Hart Research Associates Poll, nationwide survey among 1,020 men conducted April 23 – May 3, 2007.
Children & Families
The study also found that several significant issues remain for American fathers:
divorce in church:The study also found that several significant issues remain for American fathers:97% of respondents believe that fathers need to be more involved in their children’s education.Half believe that most fathers do not know what is going on in their child’s lives.WOW....97% "Believe" that?Hmmmmm
chaz345: divorce in church:The study also found that several significant issues remain for American fathers:97% of respondents believe that fathers need to be more involved in their children’s education.Half believe that most fathers do not know what is going on in their child’s lives.WOW....97% "Believe" that?HmmmmmI wonder if this will finally put to rest the idea that there aren't widespread negative attitudes about men out there.
The study I read citing the % of people beleiving fathers need to be more involved in their childs education was not a critisism.The research article went on to explain why.
The Power
There is overwhelming support for fathers to be more involved in their children’s education. A poll conducted by The National Center for Fathering noted 96.8 percent of all Americans believe fathers need to be more involved in their child’s education. Department of Education research shows father involvement positively impacts a child’s success and opportunities in school. Through parent/teacher meetings, helping with homework, and involvement at school functions, a father’s presence contributes to his child’s performance and a more positive attitude in the school setting. END QUOTE
Also they are not referring to divorced fathers only.To take this information and leap to the women keep fathers away from their kids and fathers are cash strapped from their wives divorcing them is only making excuses.Sure there are some fathers who just physically cant be "more' involved in the childs education.But what about the ones that can?You are leaving out a large portion of fathers.
What about all the fathers that are in the home with the mother and the children.And whats the excuse for the dads that are the ones that left the mothers?
If 96.8 believe fathers need to be more involved you cant tell me that the large majority of those fathers just simply cant.Even of the ones that did have the wife leave.Only a certain % of them cant be more involved because they are strapped for money or the wife is keeping them away.Now that you have given possible reasons for fathers that would if they could .What about the majority?
Love
Dallas
Oh and on a possitive note.Over the years of being in the schools with my kids ..I have noticed an increase in the prescence of the dads.In fact in seemed more like the exception not the rule lately to see only one parent at the meetings with the teachers.Specifically
I dont think that it being pointed out that the fathers involvement shows kids do better all around therefore be involved more or as much as you can should be taken as an insult.
For instance I got information on how to boost your childs over all well being and how to promote best school performance in flyers all the time from the school.Things for example such as studies show children are happeir and do better socially if the whole family sits down for diiner at least 3 nights a week.I was a SAHM and I never or rarely made everyone sit down for dinner.My husband rarely wanted to even eat dinner because he would eat a late lunch.Or we liked to sit down and eat together on the couch..I fed the kids seperateley. But I didnt take that information as an insult.And I made an effort to eat all together more often.But it never really worked out so a I said we do the best we can ..not everyone is the same.And my children are not social cripples .But at least I was armed with the information.
