FamilyLife Forums

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First time poster here.  Long story short-Several months ago my wife and I went through some really tough times. She was finding herself attracted to someone at work and he was hitting on her.  She ended up saying that after 23 years of marriage she still loved me but didnt find the 'spark' she felt being around this other person.  Nothing happened physically and that contact has ended after she told him any flirting was for her husband only.  We went through counseling, Weekend to Remember, and spent a lot of time talking.  We are definitely on the right track now and things are much better for both of us. 

 My problem is this though.  I feel like Satan is still trying to get at me by throwing doubts in my head.  At times I want to throw everything in her face.  She suggested getting to learn more scriptures that I can go too when needed.  I just feel so much anger at times.  I am constantly wondering who it was.  She feels it doesnt really matter because it is over and done with and that it wouldnt benefit things.  I guess I just was hurt so much and am trying to recover.  Any thoughts on dealing with hurts and bitterness?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jonnie01:

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First time poster here.  Long story short-Several months ago my wife and I went through some really tough times. She was finding herself attracted to someone at work and he was hitting on her.  She ended up saying that after 23 years of marriage she still loved me but didnt find the 'spark' she felt being around this other person.  Nothing happened physically and that contact has ended after she told him any flirting was for her husband only.  We went through counseling, Weekend to Remember, and spent a lot of time talking.  We are definitely on the right track now and things are much better for both of us. 

 My problem is this though.  I feel like Satan is still trying to get at me by throwing doubts in my head.  At times I want to throw everything in her face.  She suggested getting to learn more scriptures that I can go too when needed.  I just feel so much anger at times.  I am constantly wondering who it was.  She feels it doesnt really matter because it is over and done with and that it wouldnt benefit things.  I guess I just was hurt so much and am trying to recover.  Any thoughts on dealing with hurts and bitterness?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Im not sure why she wouldnt tell you who it is.......

Weird question...could she have made it up to get your attention?

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Cool Im banned TOO.
Enjoy it Holten and Company!

It was a customer that would come into her store.  Nothing really evolved but there was just starting to become some attraction.  I was really hoping to hear from someone who was trying to get over hurts.  Thanks

Well, I'm in the same boat as you.  In my case, the attraction started 18 months ago...and is actually still going on.  She keeps saying that it's over--she's cutting off all contact.  But then a month or so later she starts sending comments to him on Facebook and then a few phone calls and texts to him start showing up on our bill.   Anyway, enough about me...

As far as how to handle it and get over the hurt, the best advice I can offer is to focus on God.  I've learned that if I seek fufillment and joy in anything and anyone other than God that they will let me down.  This includes my job, friends, material things (car, house, "toys"), and yes even my wife.  Try as hard as you can to seek pleasure and fufillment from serving and walking with God.  He is the only thing that won't let you down and ultimately the only thing that will last for eternity.

 

I appreciate your comments and really feel for you.  I have definitely gotten closer to God and am trying to focus on that relationship.  We recently discussed about how you need to have Christ #1 before each other.  Thanks again.

 

Been married 20 years.  Been in similar situation - with table turned. 

(I was thrilled when someone flirted with me).   

Her Path:

 - confess sin 

 - repent

 - find an accountability partner (even women need one)

 - put energy into your relationship

From your perspective:

 - forgive the sin (let it be dead --- forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling)

 - put energy into your relationship.  I'm not talking about programs - Weekend to Remember is a framework - not a solution.  I'm talking about relationship.  Invest time and money into it. 

Flirt with your wife --- play footsies in church ---- make eyes across the dinner table --- make out in the elevator --- read Song of Solomon together.  Surprise her. 

The hardest part for me was to leave my expectations at the door.  I don't really expect my wife to be romantic --- I expect my Lord to be Lord and God over the situation.    I turn to Him for Love, Grace, and Mercy.  Lo and behold - my wife feels more free to be my lover, as well as my wife. 

put energy into your relationship.  I'm not talking about programs - Weekend to Remember is a framework - not a solution.  I'm talking about relationship.  Invest time and money into it.


I LIKED THIS REMARK. THESE PROGRAMS CAN BE A CRUTCH TO THE REAL WORK THAT NEEDS DOING

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Cool Im banned TOO.
Enjoy it Holten and Company!