FamilyLife Forums

Hi,

I've read much about the ills of these magazines as to whether they're written for men/women/, who really wants them to be read, etc... but haven't seen much said specifically about whether the following:

Do any women on this board read them? Do you allow your children to do so? Are they allowed in your house at all? Are they allowed for children above or below 18 years of age?

Thanks
Lew

My opinion is that there isn't much there that is of much value to a Christian, no matter which gender.  There may be some helpful/useful information every now and again, but it's filtered through a lens that is so secualr, so even openly hostile to Christian values(not by name) that it's not worth it. An example of being openly hostile to Christian values is that I've seen the idea that sex should be reserved for marriage openly mocked. I saw this several years ago before I was even a Christian in case you are wondering what someone who has so much bad to say about it was doing reading it.

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Chaz345

They wouldn't be allowed in my house. My wife strongly dislikes. She buys Better Homes and Gardens and that's about it for glossies.

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Cool Im banned TOO.
Enjoy it Holten and Company!

I bought Cosmo for many years as a 20-something non-Christian woman.  I didn't ever find much of substance inside, because I was never very interested in fashion, and yet about 85% of the articles are fashion related (or they were), and/or ads for perfume or make-up.

I haven't bought Cosmo in a long, long time, and most likely wouldn't ever buy it again.  I don't think it has much to say to Christians, or to married women outside of that 20-something age bracket. 

My children are all boys, so I doubt they would ask - I would be very worried if they did!  I try to keep them away from that section of the rack when we check out at the supermarket, because the model/actress on the front is usually barely clothed, and the headlines scream "SEX" in some form or other. 

Ok... I think most would agree that there is little value to them. They are NOT what they were 10 years ago. Not that they were good back then, but they are absolutely attrocious today. Full of sex, sex, sex. How to manuals etc...

My issue... as if you didn't know... lol, is that our daughter brought them into our house. She made a profession of Christ 5 years ago. She is 20 years old, but I have a hard time with them being in the house. There is little to no 'fashion' stuff contained in them any longer, and really are soft porn. Not quite in the Penthouse letters, but getting there.

I guess my question is that I'm looking for some advice on handling or not handling the situation.

lewr2@myfairpoint.net:

Ok... I think most would agree that there is little value to them. They are NOT what they were 10 years ago. Not that they were good back then, but they are absolutely attrocious today. Full of sex, sex, sex. How to manuals etc...

My issue... as if you didn't know... lol, is that our daughter brought them into our house. She made a profession of Christ 5 years ago. She is 20 years old, but I have a hard time with them being in the house. There is little to no 'fashion' stuff contained in them any longer, and really are soft porn. Not quite in the Penthouse letters, but getting there.

I guess my question is that I'm looking for some advice on handling or not handling the situation.

In that case I'd take a simple "my house, my rules" stance and explain what you don't want them around. I'd not go too far into "no Christian should be exposing themself to that stuff" though. Instead I'd take more of a "for me and my family in our house, it's not something I want around" type of stance.

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Chaz345

chaz345:

lewr2@myfairpoint.net:

Ok... I think most would agree that there is little value to them. They are NOT what they were 10 years ago. Not that they were good back then, but they are absolutely attrocious today. Full of sex, sex, sex. How to manuals etc...

My issue... as if you didn't know... lol, is that our daughter brought them into our house. She made a profession of Christ 5 years ago. She is 20 years old, but I have a hard time with them being in the house. There is little to no 'fashion' stuff contained in them any longer, and really are soft porn. Not quite in the Penthouse letters, but getting there.

I guess my question is that I'm looking for some advice on handling or not handling the situation.

In that case I'd take a simple "my house, my rules" stance and explain what you don't want them around. I'd not go too far into "no Christian should be exposing themself to that stuff" though. Instead I'd take more of a "for me and my family in our house, it's not something I want around" type of stance.

TO ADD;

Make it about you and your choice not about her and her choice.

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Chaz345

Cosmo is just one example of a whole genre of magazines that are aimed primarily at young girls. Even if you don't allow them in your house, chances are that your daughter's friends are reading them, maybe talking to her about something they read there. That will make her curious.

The problem for christian parents is that teens want to know about the stuff that is in those magazines. Because the church, and christian publications don't, as a rule, cover those topics.
They are fascinated by it. It's knowledge. Ever since the tree of knowledge was sampled in the ancient Garden, humans have an insatiable appetite for knowing stuff.

Then again, if christian teens are watching stuff on T V that is in the same category, then reading such magazines is just an extension of that.  Most of the TV sitcoms - not to mention movies - aimed at teens, are swimming in morally questionable values, sleeping with whomever, whenever etc.
Yet, my guess is that christian parents don't like talking about the kind of things that they can read in those magazines. It can be difficult enough for parents to tell their children the basics of the birds and the bees.

Maybe, just maybe, hard as it may seem, if she is insistent on reading them, you could talk about it to her, and give her christian reasons for being different. Because sooner or later,  however protected they may be, christian youth are going to confront this stuff.

My wife reads Glamour and InStyle, but she has her limits.  Our one boy was never interested, so it never became an issue.  However, I regard magazines like Cosmo (and bodice-ripping romance novels and soap operas) as the female equilavent of porn.  Not in the naked-people-inside Playboy or Playgirl way, but in the way that they fill the same void for women that porn fills for men.  Women are less about nudity and the visual, and more about the kept-woman, torrid affairs, social scandal, dripping in jewelry and men, Dynasty and Sex in the City fantasies. Those magazines, books and TV shows allow them to escape into that world that is so unrealistic and "airbrushed" that no husband or boyfriend can measure up.  But people on this board are probably tired of my saying that.

Grand Illusion:

My wife reads Glamour and InStyle, but she has her limits.  Our one boy was never interested, so it never became an issue.  However, I regard magazines like Cosmo (and bodice-ripping romance novels and soap operas) as the female equilavent of porn.  Not in the naked-people-inside Playboy or Playgirl way, but in the way that they fill the same void for women that porn fills for men.  Women are less about nudity and the visual, and more about the kept-woman, torrid affairs, social scandal, dripping in jewelry and men, Dynasty and Sex in the City fantasies. Those magazines, books and TV shows allow them to escape into that world that is so unrealistic and "airbrushed" that no husband or boyfriend can measure up.  But people on this board are probably tired of my saying that.

Actually I don't recall having heard you say it and I would have noticed becuase I agree completely In fact I've been "torn a new one" for having said it.

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Chaz345

chaz345:

Grand Illusion:

My wife reads Glamour and InStyle, but she has her limits.  Our one boy was never interested, so it never became an issue.  However, I regard magazines like Cosmo (and bodice-ripping romance novels and soap operas) as the female equilavent of porn.  Not in the naked-people-inside Playboy or Playgirl way, but in the way that they fill the same void for women that porn fills for men.  Women are less about nudity and the visual, and more about the kept-woman, torrid affairs, social scandal, dripping in jewelry and men, Dynasty and Sex in the City fantasies. Those magazines, books and TV shows allow them to escape into that world that is so unrealistic and "airbrushed" that no husband or boyfriend can measure up.  But people on this board are probably tired of my saying that.

Actually I don't recall having heard you say it and I would have noticed becuase I agree completely In fact I've been "torn a new one" for having said it.

I never saw that stated either. I fully agree. As to chaz being excoriated, I concur. Both he and I have started threads about the porn of romance novels, and been pounded for it.
Just this week I resisted the temptation to post an article, that referenced a book by some lady that had a chapter about this in it, because I knew it would cause problems. I never thought about these mags beiong that, but I guess it makes sense.

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Cool Im banned TOO.
Enjoy it Holten and Company!

formerlyalpha:

Cosmo is just one example of a whole genre of magazines that are aimed primarily at young girls. Even if you don't allow them in your house, chances are that your daughter's friends are reading them, maybe talking to her about something they read there. That will make her curious.

The problem for christian parents is that teens want to know about the stuff that is in those magazines. Because the church, and christian publications don't, as a rule, cover those topics.
They are fascinated by it. It's knowledge. Ever since the tree of knowledge was sampled in the ancient Garden, humans have an insatiable appetite for knowing stuff.

Then again, if christian teens are watching stuff on T V that is in the same category, then reading such magazines is just an extension of that.  Most of the TV sitcoms - not to mention movies - aimed at teens, are swimming in morally questionable values, sleeping with whomever, whenever etc.
Yet, my guess is that christian parents don't like talking about the kind of things that they can read in those magazines. It can be difficult enough for parents to tell their children the basics of the birds and the bees.

Maybe, just maybe, hard as it may seem, if she is insistent on reading them, you could talk about it to her, and give her christian reasons for being different. Because sooner or later,  however protected they may be, christian youth are going to confront this stuff.

I totally whole-heartedly AGREE with this! 

Simply not allowing the magazines in your house (which is an OK thing to do...it is your house and your rules!   just realize that....) will not keep your daughter from reading them if she really wants to *and* makes her curiosity all that much higher (what you can't have you want more).   I would talk to her about ALL MEDIA...magazines, TV shows, commercials, that new Calvin Klein ad, etc...you cannot keep it all from your children...so PARENTS NEED TO TALK TO THEIR KIDS ABOUT IT.

Explain your views, values and morals.  Explain how this is what is unfortunately selling right now -- and they are all companies looking to make money.  Tell them you do not agree with it.  Etc....

Having grown up in a don't-talk-about-it-and-it-won't-exist kind of mentality DOESN"T WORK!  I was a rebellious, curious kid.   Not talking about things probably had the opposite effect.  

I also now have 4 teen's...we have open relationships!  Mostly me with them, not their father -- he chooses NOT to talk about these things...he's not comfortable.  But I do!!  They tell me things.  I know our 18 yr. old girls are still virgins.  They watch trash on TV...(which we haven't had control over because they live at the mother's 1/2 the week and she allows it)...so we were forced to take a different approach...which I'd rather take anyway!  My 15 yr.old tells me everything (I don't always want to know, but in reality it's best to know!). 

Talk. Talk. Talk.!!!!!   And....Listen.   Listen.  Listen.      I think THIS advice is more important than worrying about getting those magazines out of your house or her hands. 

BerthaAgain:

formerlyalpha:

Cosmo is just one example of a whole genre of magazines that are aimed primarily at young girls. Even if you don't allow them in your house, chances are that your daughter's friends are reading them, maybe talking to her about something they read there. That will make her curious.

The problem for christian parents is that teens want to know about the stuff that is in those magazines. Because the church, and christian publications don't, as a rule, cover those topics.
They are fascinated by it. It's knowledge. Ever since the tree of knowledge was sampled in the ancient Garden, humans have an insatiable appetite for knowing stuff.

Then again, if christian teens are watching stuff on T V that is in the same category, then reading such magazines is just an extension of that.  Most of the TV sitcoms - not to mention movies - aimed at teens, are swimming in morally questionable values, sleeping with whomever, whenever etc.
Yet, my guess is that christian parents don't like talking about the kind of things that they can read in those magazines. It can be difficult enough for parents to tell their children the basics of the birds and the bees.

Maybe, just maybe, hard as it may seem, if she is insistent on reading them, you could talk about it to her, and give her christian reasons for being different. Because sooner or later,  however protected they may be, christian youth are going to confront this stuff.

I totally whole-heartedly AGREE with this! 

Simply not allowing the magazines in your house (which is an OK thing to do...it is your house and your rules!   just realize that....) will not keep your daughter from reading them if she really wants to *and* makes her curiosity all that much higher (what you can't have you want more).   I would talk to her about ALL MEDIA...magazines, TV shows, commercials, that new Calvin Klein ad, etc...you cannot keep it all from your children...so PARENTS NEED TO TALK TO THEIR KIDS ABOUT IT.

Explain your views, values and morals.  Explain how this is what is unfortunately selling right now -- and they are all companies looking to make money.  Tell them you do not agree with it.  Etc....

Having grown up in a don't-talk-about-it-and-it-won't-exist kind of mentality DOESN"T WORK!  I was a rebellious, curious kid.   Not talking about things probably had the opposite effect.  

I also now have 4 teen's...we have open relationships!  Mostly me with them, not their father -- he chooses NOT to talk about these things...he's not comfortable.  But I do!!  They tell me things.  I know our 18 yr. old girls are still virgins.  They watch trash on TV...(which we haven't had control over because they live at the mother's 1/2 the week and she allows it)...so we were forced to take a different approach...which I'd rather take anyway!  My 15 yr.old tells me everything (I don't always want to know, but in reality it's best to know!). 

Talk. Talk. Talk.!!!!!   And....Listen.   Listen.  Listen.      I think THIS advice is more important than worrying about getting those magazines out of your house or her hands. 

This is a fine line. There is a thread in Parenting where I discussed this with P and G. The idea that we shouldnt forbid things because it will cause kids to rebel in that area I think is fallacious. BUT I dont think thats exactly what you are saying.
There is banning for the sake of banning, and there is banning IN CONTEXT of an overall values consistency. The latter is more effective. Ive encountered the near hysteria over certain very specific things, with little to no explanation......just boycott this and avoid that cause its BAD BAD BAD.

If we as Christians react to every single item that we see guidance from some family organization on, we wouldnt even have time to share our values for all the efforts of avoiding things.

My wife is like you bertha, she has this wonderful dialog with the kids. Dont get me wrong, i have a deep relationship too, but they and her talk about THESE things, and there are other areas where they seek and I share MY value judgements, and it all fits together. I beat myself up overt it, like I should be doing more birds and bees stuff etc., but so far so good

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Cool Im banned TOO.
Enjoy it Holten and Company!