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Here's the deal. I've talked about this here before but I'm feeling more & more conflicted & unrestful about this whole situation.
It's about my working full time.
I work between 45 to 50 hours a week. Most of that time away from home, some of it I take home to work on after my regular hours.
Here's the problem. I have one daughter that is struggling through medical problems & depression. I have another one who is struggling in school. When I get home from work I'm mentally exhausted & in no condition to be the Mom they need. Maybe I'm lazy I don't know but it is what it is & it hasn't changed in the 9 years I've worked so I guess it probably won't & I've had some real stress in coming to grips with that.
If I quit my job we don't have health care, so the daughter who needs medical help won't get as much as she needs. If I continue to work my daughter struggling in school will most likely fall through the cracks of the public school system. Plus I cannot be there for my other daughter near as much as I should & all my extra resources are used up on these two so the other 3 get the shaft.
The one struggling with school problems...she's got a low IQ for her grade level/age. However, she is meeting her IQ in abilities so she doesn't qualify for state funded special education. The system they had in place for kids like her were already cut & now are being cut more next year due to budget cuts in the school. It wasn't enough before so it's not going to be enough now.
I cannot convince my hubby she needs a tutor so we can hire one. He thinks I should be able to help her...or her older sisters. Trouble is she gets easily frustrated & none of the older girls have been able to handle tutoring her w/the attitude she gives when frustrated.
I've talked to my hubby about seeing a financial consultant & figuring out a way to get me out of full time work. If I have to work part time I'll do it...but I don't want to be on full time...it's not working. He wants to build a machine shed next year which will cost 40 to 60K...yet he doesn't think we can afford to buy the same kind of health insurance I have now because that is 12K a year. We haven't looked into many plans or anything because I don't know where to begin & my H refuses to even consider paying out for private health insurance. He wants me to keep working full time for the benefits.
I feel so completely frustrated & time is speeding by! Already our oldest is a senior next year...oy!
A friend told me recently that she thinks I should quit & trust God for the outcome. He would support my being home for my hubby & our girls. Another friend did just that & in the end it worked out for them.
I'm conflicted. Quitting w/out my h's blessings will be going against him & not respectful or submitting to his wishes. That would be me outside of God's will wouldn't it?
I recently applied for a secretarial position at a local school...not the district my kids attend. But I'd work when they are at school & be off when they aren't. Plus I could homeschool my struggling daughter during the summer. However, it was filled, then now it's open again, I haven't heard from them yet...it's the sort of position I've prayed for in the last 8 years! I guess I don't know yet if I'll get it or not...but I'm sort of feeling disheartened since they had my resume & app last time around & didn't even call me. :(
Sorry it got so long, any suggestions or encouragement?
BcauseHeLives: Here's the deal. I've talked about this here before but I'm feeling more & more conflicted & unrestful about this whole situation. It's about my working full time. I work between 45 to 50 hours a week. Most of that time away from home, some of it I take home to work on after my regular hours. Here's the problem. I have one daughter that is struggling through medical problems & depression. I have another one who is struggling in school. When I get home from work I'm mentally exhausted & in no condition to be the Mom they need. Maybe I'm lazy I don't know but it is what it is & it hasn't changed in the 9 years I've worked so I guess it probably won't & I've had some real stress in coming to grips with that. If I quit my job we don't have health care, so the daughter who needs medical help won't get as much as she needs. If I continue to work my daughter struggling in school will most likely fall through the cracks of the public school system. Plus I cannot be there for my other daughter near as much as I should & all my extra resources are used up on these two so the other 3 get the shaft. The one struggling with school problems...she's got a low IQ for her grade level/age. However, she is meeting her IQ in abilities so she doesn't qualify for state funded special education. The system they had in place for kids like her were already cut & now are being cut more next year due to budget cuts in the school. It wasn't enough before so it's not going to be enough now. I cannot convince my hubby she needs a tutor so we can hire one. He thinks I should be able to help her...or her older sisters. Trouble is she gets easily frustrated & none of the older girls have been able to handle tutoring her w/the attitude she gives when frustrated. I've talked to my hubby about seeing a financial consultant & figuring out a way to get me out of full time work. If I have to work part time I'll do it...but I don't want to be on full time...it's not working. He wants to build a machine shed next year which will cost 40 to 60K...yet he doesn't think we can afford to buy the same kind of health insurance I have now because that is 12K a year. We haven't looked into many plans or anything because I don't know where to begin & my H refuses to even consider paying out for private health insurance. He wants me to keep working full time for the benefits. I feel so completely frustrated & time is speeding by! Already our oldest is a senior next year...oy! A friend told me recently that she thinks I should quit & trust God for the outcome. He would support my being home for my hubby & our girls. Another friend did just that & in the end it worked out for them. I'm conflicted. Quitting w/out my h's blessings will be going against him & not respectful or submitting to his wishes. That would be me outside of God's will wouldn't it? I recently applied for a secretarial position at a local school...not the district my kids attend. But I'd work when they are at school & be off when they aren't. Plus I could homeschool my struggling daughter during the summer. However, it was filled, then now it's open again, I haven't heard from them yet...it's the sort of position I've prayed for in the last 8 years! I guess I don't know yet if I'll get it or not...but I'm sort of feeling disheartened since they had my resume & app last time around & didn't even call me. :( Sorry it got so long, any suggestions or encouragement?
(((((BHL))))),
Search your heart. PRAY....listen to God, and study His Word.
Purely from an "objective" opinion, from someone "looking in from the outside" given the specifics of the info you provided, I would advise that you at least try to cut the number of hours you work......and never bring your work home. You are over-extending yourself. How much sleep do you get? You need to take care of yourself.....or, you're no good to your family. It seems to me that you are trying to be "Super-woman".
I will be praying that God will close the doors that are meant to be closed and will open the windows that are to be opened.
My prayers will be with you.
Blessings!
bestofky
If your husband sees other options, is he open to that? Or he wants you to keep the job you're in and there's no room for discussion?
I think it's important you are home for your kids! I do think finances have a way of working themselves out, of course you'll need to include some planning.
Apparently your husband cannot get insurance through his work?
FOLLOW UP on the that job at the school that you previously submitted a resume for. Follow up is key! I don't think they'll just call because you submitted it, they want to see some further action on your part! Is your husband opposed to this job?
I am in direct sales. I don't know if all direct sales companies offer insurance, but the one I'm with does. You might consider looking into that! It allows you to do home-parties nights/weekends when your husband is home, and according to your schedule. I only work about 10-15 hrs a week and make about $30,000 a year for the past 2 years. Some make more! It's an option, that includes insurance!
bestofky: (((((BHL))))), Search your heart. PRAY....listen to God, and study His Word. Purely from an "objective" opinion, from someone "looking in from the outside" given the specifics of the info you provided, I would advise that you at least try to cut the number of hours you work......and never bring your work home. You are over-extending yourself. How much sleep do you get? You need to take care of yourself.....or, you're no good to your family. It seems to me that you are trying to be "Super-woman". I will be praying that God will close the doors that are meant to be closed and will open the windows that are to be opened. My prayers will be with you. Blessings! bestofky
I have been praying about this for the last 4 years. Ever since I had our youngest girl...before that actually. I feel more conflicted & less at peace than I did then if that's possible.
The reason I take work home is because I need to make up time. I am also in charge of getting the girls to most of their appointments & sick time, etc. My H doesn't get paid to stay home & can't make up work like I can. So for instance, last week I went w/the family to take our exchange student to the airport to say a final goodbye. I had to make up those 8 hours throughout the week because first we're that busy & second because I have 3 days I need off next month for a summer vacation...a mini vacation w/my family and at this time I only have a little over 2 days of PTO saved up.
So I could stay here and work those hours, but to help me out my boss got me set up at home so I can also go home & at least see my family as I work those extra hours off or if we need over time during a busy time.
Ugh.
It affecting my marriage too, I'm so exhausted I have so very little for my poor hubby. I try really hard, then get discouraged, it's sort of an ugly cycle. I try really hard not to let my disappointment, frustration affect our marraige but I'm human, I can only handle so much ya know?
So I feel, literally, like a failure to my H & my children. Even though I know I'm doing the best I can. I'm finally coming to that reality...you know accepting that I can't do it all & realizing it's beyond my control. But the problem I am having is something has to give. Should it be my marriage? My children? My job? Me?
Based on the studying I have done I feel I should be home, my primary responsibility should be to my husband & children & home. But in order to do that I'd have to go against my h's wishes & quit my job.
BerthaAgain: If your husband sees other options, is he open to that? Or he wants you to keep the job you're in and there's no room for discussion? I think it's important you are home for your kids! I do think finances have a way of working themselves out, of course you'll need to include some planning. Apparently your husband cannot get insurance through his work? FOLLOW UP on the that job at the school that you previously submitted a resume for. Follow up is key! I don't think they'll just call because you submitted it, they want to see some further action on your part! Is your husband opposed to this job? I am in direct sales. I don't know if all direct sales companies offer insurance, but the one I'm with does. You might consider looking into that! It allows you to do home-parties nights/weekends when your husband is home, and according to your schedule. I only work about 10-15 hrs a week and make about $30,000 a year for the past 2 years. Some make more! It's an option, that includes insurance!
My H won't consider even looking into other options.
He's self-employed, he is in the ag field.
This position was posted through the workforce center so the only number I have to follow up on is the center's number. I called once & they said they couldn't really give me any information other than to let me know it was still open. That was last week. I'll call again this week.
I've never heard of a direct sales position where you make your own hours & still get insurance. That would be great. The direct sales I've looked into does not come w/insurance & you have to put in a lot of hours to get to a point where you can make anything decent.
I've thought about asking my employer if I could work part time here & part time at home. But I have a feeling that would be no since many others would want to do the same. There are TONS of others to take my place if I want to leave...it's an employers market right now!
Well this is par for the course. As I'm reading the ecouragement, suggestions (thx all!) my 2nd oldest who handles babysitting her younger sisters text me to say that my 3rd dd gave my 4 y/o dd a fat bloody lip. Grrr.
So they both call me at once, one on my cell one on my office phone. Each of them has a story...I send my 3rd dd to her room. Now I have a text from her saying that I hate her & why don't I just give her to a new family because that would make me happy & she wouldn't miss any of us except her oldest sister.
Oy! I coulda, shoulda referred them to my husband. Blahty blah! Just frustrated.
Jane - I know you understand where I'm coming from. It's a tough road. Some days I just feel like it comes down to my marriage or work...or my sanity or work...or my kids or my work. And why should work win out?
So, yeah I could go to an advisor, but my H really does handle more of the finances. But the inconsistancies bother me, we have money for things we don't need but no money for the things we do? My gut feeling is we'd manage. It would be tight and we'd have to sacrifice on things like summer vacations & extra vehicles & attached garages & new campers & 5 different cell phones & driving to school for the girls, etc...but we could do it...and in the long run be far better off because of it.
divorce in church:My wife has just quit her job, after 4-5 months. She had stayed home for all the kids, now the new 3 yr old not. It took its toll. Though insurance was not an issue...and thats bigger than just money.As you likely know, buying insurance outside a group is not only expensive but can be downright difficult. I did it once for a few years, they got us "in" then raised it every year till we had nearly $800/month and had to cut back. We got catastrophic policy with 5000 deductible and no copay visits, and basically paid all out of pocket. it was there for big sickness, nothing else.One trick you can do....states may differ, but we did it once. We took our company, and made a corporation, carved out set salaries, and called ourselves a "group". The trick was once we grew the law said we had to offer insurance to all our employees, in ANY corporation we owned, so we couldnt just take the various locations and make separate companies. With an ag biz if he has employees he'd face same issue. If he is alone, it is something to check, because then its tax deductible, making it approx 25% net cheaper than just buying it privately.Anyway, any good insurance broker can walk through your exact scenario and at least define to the penny what it is you are deciding. maybe you already did that...if so, sorry to preach at you what you already know.
This is the other part of my suggestion to my husband. Let's go talk to an insurance broker, our insurance broker & see what we can come up with before closing the door.
One other thing, he hates that I earn an income, he hates that I provide the insurance. He absolutely refuses to give me any credit for any of it, while at the same time telling me how frustrated he is that our house doesn't run smoothly & our kids are acting out.
He says our dd's illnesses are all "in her head". Doctors have confirmed she has health issues, physical & depression from the physical, but he says it's in her head & gets mad at me for taking her to the doctor to try to figure out exactly what is going on w/her. We still don't know why she's having the symptoms she is...it's been a really tough year.
When our 10 y/o broke her wrist & he mocked me for taking her to the ER...he didn't apologize later on when we found out she not only had a fracture but it was in her growth plate.
I just hate having to justify using the very thing he tells me I'm working for.
Okay, I need to stop...I just feel frustrated.
divorce in church:I dont know how you feel about this. But here goes.YOU could call an insurance broker, and ask all these questions, fill in the rough info he/she needs, and get the facts, incorporation options, prices, etc. Then you could discuss all that with your husband.he may well get upset that you "went against his wished" or whatever. Frankly thats just not true, I do not see fact gathering as unfavorable in your walk with Christ or unreasonable to your husband....he'd get over it.One quick way to disarm lots of men is with facts. Wrestle them, make them unimpeachable, then share them.Maybe its at least good for you to know, then you at least have SOME peace that you did something towards what you feel is right. Or, maybe you'll come away convinced it IS a bad idea. Either way, maybe you be better off.
Wow.
This is most likely a confirmation from God.
I went & spoke to my good friend at work here (she's a believer) and she told me to stop putting it all on my hubby & get busy with it myself. She said to get all the financial info I need gathered up & find an advisor (we get a free consultation thru work, how convenient!) and then make the appointment & let my hubby know about it so we can go together. She also said to start talking to insurance brokers, etc and look at things from that end as well.
She also said, that way you'll know if you can or you can't & there won't be any reason to harbor resentment against your hubby either way.
She also said to stop operating in fear (satan's foothold) and start operating in faith.
Good stuff. She's right, this isn't just my hubby's burden to carry!
((BHL)) can't imagine trying to juggle all of this for as long as you have. I get the hives just reading all that you are going through and all the pressure you are under.
I agree with gathering info and presenting it to him advice
Keep us posted.
