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Well, about the only thing I can think of is counseling.  However, of all the couples in my church that I have suggested that to over the years, counseling itself never prevented divorce.  I think you and her both need to sit down and decide to love each other and divorce is not an option.  That's going to be a tough pill, for her especially, to swallow.  2/3 of divorces are filed by the wifes.  I have seen this on this site and other related such sites.  So the key is to make sure she does not see that as an option.  As far her kissing some other guy, well, you can get over that.  Seperation won't help either.  Logically, it makes no sense to part from each other when you are trying to stay together.  I have never understood the logic behind this action.  Will remember you in prayer.

I completely agree.  I suggested counseling.  She wouldn't do it.  I know that love is a CHOICE.  However, her love is based on "feelings"...I suppose it's somewhat conditional.  She says her feelings have changed and she doesn't want to TRY to work on things.  She has asked me for a divorce numerous times over the past month.  I remain firm that I will not do it.  She told me one day, "I want you to sign uncontested divorce papers and file them."  I told her flat out, "No."  She told me a couple of days ago to "give me a divorce".  I told her that I would not be GIVING her a divorce, if she wanted one, that she had to earn it...We made a promise to each other a year ago that divorce was not going to be an option for us.  I stand firm on my promise...She said, "Well, I'm breaking mine."  I told her that it's one thing to TRY everything possible to make the marriage work, and if it doesn't help, then at least you can say you tried everything, and just couldn't make a go of it....But to throw it all away without even trying is ludicrous.

I have completely forgiven her for the ordeal with the other man.  i have no qualms about putting that behind us.  And I agree that separation rarely works.  I do not believe that absense makes the heart grow fonder.  I don't understand it, either...but it was HER decision...not mine...and I'm not really understanding what her rationale is. 

I'm continuing my 40 day Love Dare.  Today is Day 4.  It's much harder than you'd think...To show unconditional love even when it's not returned or even wanted.  We are talking, though.  Tomorrow night, we're going to dinner and a movie.  It's not much, but at least it's a start.  One day she wants a divorce, the next, she acts totally different.  I'm not sure even SHE knows what she wants.  All I can do is take it day by day and continue to show her that I have never and will never give up on her.  i believe that divorce is wrong.  We made a vow to each other for better or worse.  I truly believe that SHE and our marriage is worth fighting for.  It's just a shame that I'm fighting HER for it.

Brother, there is no way you...or any of us here can touch your wifes heart.  I don't know if it has hardened to the point of no return; but, you do have hope...and that hope is found in the love Jesus freely gave us.

The only thing that counts is Faith, expressing itself through love.  When you place yourself under God's Mighty Hand, and cast all your cares on Him...you will humble yourself to His Will.  His Will is found in the Bible...so, you will need to spend alot of time there.  Then, your Faith in His Word; you becoming obident to Him in all things; and express this Faith, through the love found in 1Cor 13.  That is your hope.

Never lean on your understanding or the understanding of man; instead...trust God in all things, and He will direct your path!

I have been divorced for one and one half years now; and I know that we often reap what we sow...because, God will not be mocked.  I sowed to the flesh, lust and so on.  It was to late for me to save my marraige; but, God showed me so much throught the pain.  It was a time to get close to God; to learn His will...and grow in the Spirit of Christ Jesus. 

There is no garrantee that God will save your marraige; but, if you give yourself to Christ...and if you do not give up, God Himself will lift you up...and give you peace.

We are to be found in Him & He in us...that is our hope for eternal life; as well as for peace here on earth.  Trust God in all things...show your wife a humble man; serving her and the Lord, with a Love found only in the Word of God (read 1Cor13...every night) and Romans 12...then, all of Gods Word.

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Utah Utes...Only Undefeated Team in D1
13-0 = With a BCS Bowl win
No one else can claim that achievment

Man, I am wearing a similar size to your shoes.  Very similar.

It ain't easy.  Especially if you get confusing signals and the negative ones are real bad and the positve ones are not that strong.  I am telling you I am there.

Been going though a strikingly similar circumstance for about two months.  My problems were very close to yours except another problem I had was a quick temper and a loud sharp tongue.  Both my wife and daughter were always on edge. 

In one of our discussions, she told me that her medication for headaches was actually due to the stress i placed upon her and she was tired of ahving to take a pill to feel better.  

I have squashed the rage and the porn.  I struggled with both for years........I do mean years.  God had dealt with me over time concerning it and i would rebel.  I would do ok until I did not get what I thought was due in the bedroom and then I decided to please myself.  You will notice alot of Is in those sentences.  It was all about I.  I this and I that.  I am not going to tell you that I am perfect now and how I read this or saw that or talked to this person and everything worked out fine.  The fact is I am on Day 4 myself.  Today.  I stayed on day 2 and 3 for a few days because i kept on bringing up our circumstances.  She finally told me she did not want to talk about it anymore.

For the past three days, I have concentrated on just being pleasant.  I know that sounds stupid.  I know some people are going to read that and say how lame can you get.  Hey, this is my story and i am the one telling it.  There are hurt feelings everywhere.  Both sides.  If you constantly look broken and act like someone ran over your dog (in my case my foot) she will want to stay away from you.  I will tell you this, you will drive yourself crazy thinking on it all day long.  I know I have.  I have probably aged 20 years in the past two months.  The good news is that God is ready to listen.  He always has been.  I have to take my anxieties to him.  I have to tell him what is bothering me and release the frustration and hurt and anger and disappointment and everything else.

My wife has told me the following:

She does not love me anymore, she wants to be alone with the kids, she is not happy, being around me is painful, loving me is painful, she wants a divorce

All of these things she has said as late as 10 days ago.  10 days..........

She first said she wanted out and then went to list everything I had ever done wrong while we have been married.  Over the next few days, i discovered more to it than that.  it does appear some of those things have changed though. Some of the outside factors no longer exist.  I will just stop myself right there if you don't mind.

Since that point i have gone through all of the stages of grieving about 100 times.  Some days are better than others.  The nights are the worst.  We still sleep in the same bed.  That is one of the few things that i noticed how mt experience has been different.  Just because we still sleep in the same bed let just say our bed is a kind and you can drive a car between us on most nights.  I used to just watch her sleep.  That creeped her out and she asked me to stop.  She also asked me to stop pawing at her.  I have stopped that as well.  Let me tell you soemthing, stopping a porn addictiona and almost going cold turkey on sex is miserable.  i know and it stinks.  I am lucky to get a kiss every now and then.  She told me wait on her.  Wait.  She has branded me an unaffectionate porn addicted freak who only used her to gain release afte I had worked myself up with the nudy-net.  Now that my thoughts are clear of all of that foul stimulation, she does not want any attention from me. 

I now find her more attractive than ever and she acts like she could care less.  She tells me thinks i am just going through another phase.  i will go along ok and then as soon as she gives in or i think things are ok, i will go back.  I have told her no.  I have no intention of spending hours of looking at disgusting images instead of being home and loving my family.  I don't think she believes me in the least.  She views me loving her is just becuase she is convenient.  I tell her that she is anything but.  Convenient is not being told no at every turn.  She will get ticked off if I watch her dress.  We are married for goodness sake.  Her closet happens to be in front of my mirror.  She chose what mirror she wanted when we built the house.  It just works out that way.  I know I could not watch her and after this morning, i will strat shutting the door behind her.  This morning she called me a voyuer.  

She had told me i needed to wait on her and let her come to me.  I tell you if i wait on her, that boat ain't making to the dock.  That boat seems to have sailed.

Here is the thing though.  She still comes home, she still cooks, and she still talks to me.  I am on day 4 and i am sure as i am typing this, she is going to turn me down flat as roadkill on doin gsomethign for her.  In the last 24 hours she has told to sttop doing all the things i have doing for her automatically except for ironing her clothes.  She hates to iron so she doe sot fight me on that.  So I am going to keep ironing and looking for soemthing else to do that she might like.  I am not spontaneous and i am not the most romantic either.  I am just a guy who addicted to porn and his family has paid the price.

Will my wife ever love me again, put on her wedding ring, or even say i love you ever again.  I will tell you I don't know. I will tell you I am going to love my wife anyway.  I am going on with the 40 day dare and beyond.  If she walks out on me, she will be walking out on man who wants to live for God while loving his family.  If she can still walk out on the fact that God has changed me into what she has wanted all along and i am finally tuned in to only her, then she is amking the choice.  She will have no reason.  SHe has told me she has givien me chance after chance and she has.  I will not debate that.  She has given me second chances for years.  I told her that even in my selfisheness, i have never stopped loving her and i have never told her the things she has told me.  I am not going to.  I love her and I am keep on loving her.  We made vows and I am not going to break those vows.

I do not know what our future is.  I wish i could be of some encouragement.  I will tell you that i have drawn closer to God in these days.  Much closer than i have been in years sad to say.  However, God had said His grace is sufficient.  i am going to truct him.  I don't know how this will all work out.  We have two children 7 & 2 and i don't even want to think about the effects on them should our marriage fail officially.  My kids are happier now than they ever have been.  At least the 7 year old as she id old enough to remember the yelling and me blowing up.  My liitle girl will now come up to me without solicitation and hug me and tell me she loves me.  It was few days ago i was told she would say she did not love me.  Things are totally different between us.  My son is beginning to show me more affection but what does a 2 year old really comprehend.

That leaves my wife of 15 years (we dated for 6) left.  That is right, we have been an exclusive couple for almost 22 years (will be in November if we make it).  Even longer lasting relationships are not immune from sin.  Sin is noithing more than man satiefying a Godly need in an ungodly way.

I have mentioned God alot i know.  He is the only one who can change the heart of another.  We are powerless.  Keep in mind one thing that He desires a relationship with us and our Holiness is His concern.  Not our hapiness.  It is a big pill to swallow.  I am still cutting mine up as i cannot get it all in.  My selfishness is to the core and i struggle with it daily.  That is ok though.  There are no perfect people.  Jesus was the only perfect Person to set foot on this earth.  That means we are all in the same boat.  All have sinned and have come short of the glory of God.  All sounds all inclusive.            

i hope this has help at least slightly.  here is to your day 4!  may she give you something to do and you do it well!

May God be with you and comfort both of you. 

Begin or restore your relationship with the Lord and he shall direct your path.

Now on to Day 4.

Well I read your situation, and I am a opened minded person. First off all God bless you.  I will be preying for you and your family. I admire you for having the courage to admit that you had a problem, and in the process of working it out. Stop beating yourself up about the past. the past is the past, move forward. You can reflect back for studying purposes, on what not to do agian. Please understand this, I am not being negative  but opened minded on the situation. Your wife was asked to have a lot of patience with you when you were going through your situation. So you might want to go back to the scene of the crime and  take a look at things through her eyes by putting yourself in her shoes during that time. That was not easy. Sometimes when we go back and study our mistakes from where they began and how it really affected the ones we love, we pick up things that we missed the first time around. Try writing down on paper every thing you took her through, everything. Then ask her if she would write down everything she felt you took her through, and if she ask why just say you want to know her feeling, and what you took her through.  Then you can get a clear picture just how much you took her through. Men in general have problems with that. Sir I agian admire your fight for your marrige, don't give up she loves you, but I think she don't think that you really understand how much you put her through. The women you described in your situation seems like a great women. Please take the time out and explore what I described to you in the letter. I truly believe you will be able to overcome this situation. Just like a major injury to our body it will take time to heal. Continue to be spontanious and just love on her as much as you can, by taking walks, letting her know how much you miss her, your body languag needs to be positive all the time when you see her, flowers, cards, hand written letters, at work so other people can see them, this makes them feel special. Remember all the positive things you do is like medicine to a sick body. I think she feels that she can't handle another let down, she feels that she can't survive another. That is probably why she sends mix messages. Don't worry about reading her mixed messages just focus on spreading love even if it is not returned all the time, because sometime it's a test to see if you have changed. I believe in your ability to save this marrige, not the 40 day thing. God already placed in you what it takes. PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND HER PAIN, THAT IS THE MAP TO THE RECOVERY OF YOUR MARRIGE. God bless.