Seriously Dating, Engagement and Pre-Married Forum

Answering the hard questions

gracefordivorce — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 19:48:11 GMT

All of us have questions about relationships, as many of us have already been married once... Or twice... Or we've been independent for a long time... We often don't get easier to get along with as time goes on... And we often have trouble feeling bonded as a couple the second or third time... Does this mean we shouldn't consider marriage with a new, special someone?.... I think it's possible to have correct servant-based courtships and marriages, but it requires making good, servant-based choices day upon day upon day... I think it is a crying shame when we allow the hasty relationship decisions of our difficult past to repeat themselves into our future. I also think it's possible to not do that...

To date or not to date? :)

shimmylicious05 — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 23:50:45 GMT

So this is my first thread..

I've been currently seeing someone for over two months now, and we call ourselves a couple to everyone... but each other. If anyone asks if we're dating, we say yes. (We ARE dating, but he does not say to me that he is my boyfriend.. if that makes sense.) We hang out every night after i'm off work and during the day. We do everything together like a couple, and we do not date other people.

I've met his whole family, extended family, friends, etc. and vice versa. I hang out with his mom and sister a lot. We're all pretty close.

I've even went to a wedding with him; when people have asked how I knew the bride and groom, I said I was "B"'s girlfriend. They would respond with, "Oh so you're the one he's been telling us about.." with a smile. And "B" tells me a lot that he talks about me to other people (all the good things, of course :))

He says that we still need to get to know each other better before we make a commitment as boyfriend/girlfriend. He had been burned pretty badly in the past; he says every time he jumps into a relationship it doesn't work out. I want for us to "have this title" (for lack of better phrasing) because I feel like we are a couple, so why not define ourselves as one? Why not take it to the next level after two and a half months? Every time I bring up the "couple talk", he gets mad and says that i'm pushing him. He says that we don't fully understand each other yet, and we need to get to know each other better. He also says that he knows he wants to be committed to me, but he wants to wait until he's ready.

My questions are: Am I being silly for wanting to commit now, or is he taking too long? I know I can't "make him" commit to me, but how long do I wait? He has friends that have waited 6 months to a year before commiting. He has also have friends that tell him to wait for the right girl and take your time and make sure she's right. However, some of his other friends have already told him to "seal the deal" (ahh.. I love "guy language" haha). Am I being too pushy, or should I just wait?

I'm starting to feel very frustrated because sometimes I think I'm too pushy, but other days I think I'm right.

Thanks for any advice. (and if you need more info, just ask me)

Possible Second Marriage for Both & PURITY!

mabb2003 — Tue, 26 May 2009 00:48:51 GMT

Hello,

I am in need of advice! I'm in a relatively new relationship with an old friend. We have fallen hard for each other. Both of us want a Christ-centered relationship and to remain pure until married. Neither have had that before in any relationship, nor each of our previous marriages. HOW do we accomplish this??? We both pray and pray and pray about it, for God's guidance and strength, but it is very hard. We have come close to breaking that committment several times, which makes it even harder because now we are adding guilt. Today, we both asked for forgiveness from each other and from God.

We also are praying for God's will in this relationship - we both want it to be right for all the right reasons. I do know that if God answered our prayers and it was his will, we would marry tomorrow. It's an amazing journey and neigher of us want to ruin that.

Thank you in advance!!!!

seeking God's will

proverbs31jk — Thu, 07 May 2009 03:11:13 GMT

Dating and remarriage are difficult and I question my decisions frequently. I see God at work and I am struggling with giving over my life to Him. I overanalyze all things and am seeking guidance as to how to hear Him in this area.

A desire to get married

soulspirit — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 15:22:19 GMT

Hi everyone,

I'm a 26 year old woman and I've grown up in a christian home, my father is a Pastor and so I've had a very solid upbringing. I'm dating a 35 year old and we've been dating for 4years. Things have been great but we've faced alot of struggles along the way that has put alot of strain on the relationship. We're still together and at this point I'm the only one speaking about marriage although he has in the past but he doesn't mention much anymore. He comes from a broken home, his parents got divorced when he was about 7years old and his father physically abused his mother. His afraid of getting married because his been working his whole life toward not being like his father. He's also afraid that we might turn out like his parents, meaning divorced. Now where i come from, divorce has never been an issue, not even a word in my vocab. I do understand what he's experiencing to a certain degree but it's hard to fully understand because i don't come from a broken home. His a very smart and matured man and we both serve the Lord faithfully although we have made some physical mistakes in the past.

Now im ready to get married and settle down but he doesn't even speak about it anymore. At this point we can't get married because we both unemployed(which just happened recently) but other than that i don't know what to do to see things from his point of view.

Is there anyone who could relate to my situation or share some advice?

Thank you in advance.

confused

torres1043 — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 03:08:35 GMT

Hello every one,

Well is a long story but i will try to make it short.

I've been dating the same girl for about a year now, and she is defenetly a Godly women, one that any man would die to have, but every once in a while more often than none i find my self not atracted by her, her nose bothers me because is a little too big and i dont like her teeth, now your probably asking your self then what attracted you to her in the first place, well her sense of humor and the Godly women that she is did it, but as time went on this things started bothering me. Now my greatest battle is telling my self that true beauty is in the inside and that eventually it all fades away, well i have tried and tried and sometimes i get over it for a while but it always comes back and frankly i'm confused. I asked God to take it away, I tell him that i dont want to be shallow but no matter what i cant get over it. And the hardest thing is that shes a great girl...Please help me.

glitches before marriage

shellywelly_85 — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 17:47:44 GMT

I need to talk to anyone willing to help me in this situation, my boyfriend of 5 years who i soon want to married to is addicted to porn/sex. He does not watch porn everyday but he does watch it about twice a week, i do not like him watching porn at all and i tell him that it is wrong to watch porn but he blows me off as if im overreacting. I am ashamed to admit this but we do have premarital sex and i do feel wrong about it because i have tried to talk to him about us waiting until we get married but he just tells me that we already have had sex so what's the difference but i dont feel right doing it and if i dont have sex with him then he watches porn. So i feel that i am causing him to watch it. i really dont know what to do. I sometimes think about breaking of this relationship and find someone else who is not into porn and shares the same goals and dreams as me, but that is also a huge step. Please anynone help!!!

Deleted Post

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 16:09:58 GMT

This post has been deleted.

Getting married - Not getting along

lisamaylopez — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 19:31:37 GMT

I’ll try to keep this short as to not lose your interest.

I’ve always been a strong willed person, as a child I had a deep sense of right and wrong and had no mercy on anyone who messed up, I was totally unforgiving, etc. (This goes to show my nature.) During the past few years as I’ve matured in the Lord I’ve overcome some of those undesirable traits. I am now 34 and have been independent all of my adult life, not even having a boyfriend since I was in my early 20’s. I recently became engaged to a wonderful godly man and we both understand the role of submission in the Word. The issue is, he is almost as strong willed as me and I have a serious problem being told what to do. I become completely defensive and feel like he’s putting me down or I’m not good enough for him, etc. (That’s only my perception, he never puts me down.) Because no one has challenged me before, I don’t know how to deal with correction; my family has simply accepted me the way I am. I know I’m the one who has to grow in this area and become submissive, but I don’t see how it’s possible. If this doesn’t change, there is no way we can get married, I’d rather be single than unhappy.

We’ve gone through counseling and are going through pre-marital counseling through our church now. I’m praying for change within me as well. I suppose we just came to this realization last night that I don’t like being told what to do so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Be blessed & Merry Christmas

Feeling Smothered....

GloryBPhotography — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 03:53:18 GMT

I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 months now. We have a good relationship, and finally I've found a true Christian man!...that even wants to start going to church with me, but that's not what this post is about.

Lately, like within the last week or so, he has become Star Trek Cling-on!!! He's so clinging and he's making me feel smothered. I told him this, just this past weekend...that I just needed some space away from him...not that i don't like him, but i'm feeling...well smothered! He said he would respect my wishes and do his own thing.

Now, first lemme point out that I just got hired onto a new job about 2 weeks ago. I'm still in the "fresh" stage there at work. Everyone knows that I'm seeing someone....not that they'd be interested = they are all happily married/engaged. Today, I arrive at work, only to have my boyfriend pull up in his work truck 5 minutes after I did. He said he wanted to make sure I got to work ok (it was pouring rain outside this morning - mix that with rush hour traffic = bad, bad, bad!). It was a nice guesture to make sure I got there ok, but a simple text msg would have done the trick. He then asked something that made me wanna back way off - "can't we go inside and you can introduce everyone to me?" Are you serious!!!!? OMGosh!

I don't know what has come over him...but this week...after he said he'd respect my wishes of giving me my space...he then invades it - - especially at my place of work - - it my work - if anything, respect my wishes and not come to my work. Am I being over-offensive on this?

Maybe this is all part of the dating process...but if he gets any clingier, i'm gonna back away, turn around, and run! Sunday afternoon (this last sunday, b4 i told him i needed space), he took me to a 5*star restaraunt. We both were dressed up from church. Right in the middle of dinner he did two embarassing things: 1) he laughed so loud, as if to get the attention of everyone in the establishment; and 2) right in the middle of everyone then staring at us, like we were mad...he leans over and lies his head down on my shoulder (i'm thinking, omgosh, how pathetic!). Perhaps i'm more mature than he is...sheesh!

I'd like some advice on this...from anyone. Guys are allowed to respond as well as the Ladies! Thnx!

OHHH I GET TO BE FIRST!!

Nikkidphoto — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 21:09:44 GMT

Hey Have any of you ever tried out Christianmingle.com???

I just signed up for a profile yesterday and was wondering if anyone had any stories about it??

hello

priceless2008 — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 23:12:09 GMT

Hello All!

I had been wondering if this particular forum was up and running yet and am excited to see that it is! Hopefully we will be able to share experiences that will help encourage each other as we try to be the pre married/ seriously dating/ engagemed couples God wants us to be!

Look forward to chatting.......

BIG QUESTIONS FOR THOSE THAT HAVE BEEN THERE

Anchorholds — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 16:37:26 GMT

I have some questions for those of you who have been divorced, went through the dating, and eventually remarried.

I struggle with alot of things in my mind/heart sometimes. I think the past has a way of wrecking the future sometimes...and I am trying to learn to put the past behind me...but here are some of my questions. Oh, and I really do not want to hear from those who do not believe in remarriage...I am not here for that discussion anymore.

Here are my questions and not in any particular order.

Was it hard for anyone to move forward with a new relationship due to your past?

Kids...did anyone feel like starting a life with someone that has kids...would make your kids feel left out and jealous? I know I am not leaving my kids out...but fear they will be jealous that they are not with me everyday, but a new spouse' kids would be...??? Does that make sense?

I have been divorced coming up on 2 years...with a 6 month separation on top of that...so really 2 1/2. The person I met and I really like has two kids...6 and 4. They are super kids and would be very easy to love. I am going to be 58 or 59 when the youngest graduates. It scares me to think that I will be raising kids all over almost from scratch again. Am I being too narrow minded when it comes to their ages and my age? My kids are 16 and 13. My son has 2 years of HS left, my daughter has 5. He youngest starts Kindergarten in 2009. Any words of wisdom. I think I worry about too much sometimes...but I have all the arguments from my ex going through my head about how we raised our kids...you know the ones...you are never here, I do all the work, You are out having your fun while I am stuck raising the kids...I hear those arguments from my past and ask if I really want to do that again....????

She is 12 years younger than I. The age thing doesn't bother me at all, and she says it doesn't bother her either. She is a christian, a great mother to her kids, and a super single provider for her and her kids.

I do love her, but I am scared. I get scared thinking about all the arguments from my past that I had with ex about activities, raising kids, and then worried that my kids are going to feel left out.

Are these normal fears to have? How did you overcome the fears? We have been dating for 3 months...and things were going in a positive direction until all these fears hit me...then I went A.W.O.L.

I fear reliving it all again. The arguments...everything...any advice or opinions would be appreciated.