FamilyLife Today

2/27/09 Tommy Nelson - What is guideline number four?

Jena549 — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 19:40:59 GMT

Series: Five Guidelines for a Successful Marriage

Tommy Nelson 2/26/09 & 2/27/09

I can't find on the transcript where it tells guideline number four.

These are all I find:

One - there has to be a theological unity

Two - there has to be a moral unity, meaning that they can't mearly both be Christian.

Three - there has to be a ministerial unity.

Four - ?

Five - there needs to be legitimate passion.

Thank you

how do you honor the unhonorable?

ozarkcode — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:37:12 GMT

my father left me when I was 2 -- before that he would be very abusive and intimidating.
How can I possibly write loving tributes to a monster? And no, there wasn't anything positive about him. Not one.

disabled dads

roy'sdad — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 17:52:33 GMT

How about a program encouraging disabled or chronically ill dads with ideas about how to raise sons, when giving our boys the time and energy they need is not an option.

Maybe you've done some that I missed. I have chronic Lyme disease, and have had low energy for years, but now that I'm in treatment, I have less than half of my former energy. I'm doing OK with my son, but as I think back on all the programs encouraging us to spend more time and energy with our boys, I thought of all the dads that would give anything for that opportunity. How about a program for them?

Thanks. I think you consistently have the most useful programs on radio.

won't disappointed here

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Exposing the Truth about Pornography (aired 06/11)

dedicatedtotheKing — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:31:18 GMT

Hi all! This is a subject that has affected our family deeply. I just wanted to comment on an often heard sentiment heard on this broadcast and broadcasts like it. A lot has been said about how the woman is to respond in a man caught in this struggle. And I am not here to say that we should not be merciful and gracious. However, I would like to bring light to the fact that in some cases this may be impossible for the wife.

I know, because I was not in a place to be so mature. I had been sexually abused as a girl and then I grew into a woman that believed the lie that was perpetrated on me since I was 9 years old...I had no worth except what I could give sexually to a man. The only time I was worth anything was if I caught his attention and not with my virtues, but with the outside. It is a lie from the pit of hell. It is a lie our society tells men and women every day through commercials, shows, magazines...you name it. All of us have fallen for it to one degree or another. Anyways, so that lie was hardwired into me as a young girl. When I came to know Christ, I so desperately wanted to believe what He said about me. And I tried, really tried. (Husbands in this battle you can be your wife's biggest ally or unfortunately Satan's biggest ally to keep the lie alive) In my situation, not maliciously, not intentionally, but b/c of his own baggage, my husband was an ally to the enemy of my soul. When I discovered him on the internet looking at pornography I was devestated and I believed God was a liar. If what He said about me was true, then why was my husband on the internet. The enemy grabbed that foothold to assure me that all along I was worthless, worth nothing except what I could give a man physically. Well, one baby later and pregnant with another on the way, that was nothing in my book. I wanted to die, to go home to heaven where One would finally love me for real....the real me for all the right reasons. Praise God I was with child and didn't entertain that notion too long or seriously. I share this, though, because as much as I would have liked to be the "bigger" person and model Christ's mercy I was incapable. The news rendered me almost destroyed; fighting my own demons from the past. Sometimes the best you can do is press into God and pray and hope he does the same. That is what I had to do.

It has been almost 6 years since then. I would love to tell you that it is all behind us and we are doing glorious, but I cannot. I can say we are working towards that. We are committed, my husband is no longer entangled in pornography. But rewiring your hard drive takes time and lots of effort. We both had a lot of faulty wiring coming into our marriage. And our wiring created a vicious cycle of hurt. I wish we could get a new hard drive over night. But renewing the mind takes time...sowing the seed of God's word takes patience: Galatians 6:9 says "let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." So, I am waiting and believing that in due season we will have a harvest....and new hard drives! :)

Need prayer

wthmyhrt — Sun, 25 May 2008 14:47:26 GMT

I am feeling really low right now. I feel as if God has turned away from me. I have prayed more so than ever for the situation that I am facing, and I feel very alone. I am hurting and I know that when I hurt, God hurts too. But when my own children get hurt I rush to pick them up and comfort them out of my love for them and instinct as a parent. Why is God not comforting me? I desperately need a miracle. I need for the hearts of those involved to be softened and mercy given to me. I cannot walk through his trial alone, it will consume me. Please pray for me. Pray for my marriage and my children. I dont want to loose them and I think I am about to. I will die without them. Thay are my life!

Barbara

Men and Affirmation

craigmeister6 — Thu, 08 May 2008 18:52:08 GMT

Family Life Today was a very interesting show on men and their egos and their need for affirmation. It is certainly true that men need it. However, the instruction from the author sounded a little on the "stepford-wife" side. It has been my experience that affirmation from a woman to her husband comes like a fountain bubbling up all kinds of kindness and understanding as a response to her husband's leadership and how he is taking care of her. She doesn't have to be told to do it. There was a mention of situations when the men do not and how the women need to affirm any way. I do not agree. I think the situation is much more complex than that. If there is some issue with affirmation with the man, no amount of affirmation from the wife is going to be enough.

In thinking about this from a sort of anthropologic point of view, the origins of this is that we, as a society, have lost the knowledge of how to raise boys to be men. The author mentions the fragility of the male ego. It is not supposed to be. Men are supposed to be the strength of the family. Their relationships with their wives should be on the basis of their strengh, lending their strength to their wife and their family. What happens now-a-days is that men and women marry out of mutual need rather than whatever strengths they each bring to the relationship.

The picture I see that God intended is the man, aligned under God, performs his God-given duties. These are meant to be hard. He shoulders that burden, but not without help. The strength he brings is from God as He has given and from His direction. And something that was not mentioned in the show, because of this, because he has been given the charge over his family by God, he seeks his affirmation from God, and really from God alone.

The wife, taking her charge from the man and God, aligns herself with the man and naturally responds with gratitude of the man taking care of her. Her affirmation is secondary, however, to the affirmation the man recieves from God.

The reason I say we have forgotten how to raise boys to men is that the origins of problems in this area are from a lack of affirmation from mother and father. Boys and girls need it from both parents. Somewhere in the growing up years there is supposed to be a transfer from the affirmation of the parents to God. Not that the parents are supposed to stop affirming, but the idea is there is a transfer where the boy begins to look to please God more than his parents. Problems come when there has been no real affirmation and/or there has been no transfer. In those cases, men marry out of a needfor affirmation (commonly women like their mothers) instead of marrying from their ability and desire to support a wife and family.

The author seems to be well intentioned, but the husbands in those situations, are much better served by being pointed by their wives back to God, to first seek their charge from God and trusting Him to provide it and the strength needed to fulfill it. Let the wives then step back and let God play that part in the husband and reserve themselves to respond to the husband's care.

Men and Romance Discussion on FLT

craigmeister6 — Fri, 09 May 2008 18:12:35 GMT

I realized today why my frustration about the discussions this week have been so intense. To be fair, I have not read the book and I am relying solely on the discussion in the show. But it seems the author took the men at their word and did not challenge anything they said. The basic problem with that approach is that any advice based on something that is inherently wrong will be wrong and probably not be the best for the couple. So for the past 2 days my response to the issues have been to challenge the men's responses to the author's surveys and so challenge the ideas the author gives women to deal with these issues.

The book I would like to see is the men's survey responses, what their real issues are based on a biblical world view, and what they need from their wives based on these real issues.

Anyway, here are my thoughts about today's discussion.

The heart of romance is thinking about the other person and doing something that communicates that you are thinking about them. The other person is the focus here.

Most of the men in the clips said something like "its not natural for me." What they are reallys saying is "It is easier to think about myself. Thinking about someone else is hard." That sounds harsh, but that is the issue. Self-centeredness is the opposite of romance. They cannot co-exist.

Another symptom of self-centeredness is "I don't know what to do." That means you don't know your wife and what you are really saying is "I don't care enough about my wife to know and understand her." Of course, if you don't care enough to know them, you certainly aren't thinking about them.

Also, there was mention of the risk of rejection or being shot down. Here is my challenge to the men - If you give up at any sign of criticism, no matter how harsh, it wasn't real anyway. You didn't mean it. Remember the focus is your wife. Suck it up and keep trying. Never give up. Figure out where you went wrong, ie learn more about your wife or check your motives for the evening, maybe, and give it another shot. In fact, keep shooting until she is convinced you mean it.

Finally, there was the discussion about the "desired end point of the night". Men, the end point of a romantic event can never, ever be sex. If it is, you are toast. Your wife will smell it a mile away and reject your attempts from the beginning. It is the ultimate statement that whatever romantic thing you are doing is not really about her, but about getting what YOU want. It all goes back to the definition of romance - it is communicating that you are thinking about the other person.

The wife's natural response to an envirmonment of safety, respect, and love built over some amount of time (not a romatic event) is to give herself to her husband. It MUST NOT be the motivation for the event. (And I do not believe it wise for the wife to reward this and "give in".)

Maybe what the problem with the men surveyed is they really don't know what romance is. Here are some quick rules of thumb.

The heart of romance is thinking about the other person and doing something that communicates that you are thinking about them. The other person is the focus here.

Romance is an every day thing. It is like a plant or a pet. Sometimes you fertilize it or bring the pet a treat (nice night out or a day at the spa), but you feed it (or water it) daily.

It takes effort. Often even the most simple things take some time and preparation.

Theromantic.com is an awesome resource for all kinds of ideas for both men and women.

Men and Female Imagery in FLT Show

craigmeister6 — Wed, 07 May 2008 18:13:10 GMT

I found the show today to be very interesting and certainly relevant. I understand the focus of the show was how wives can help their husbands in this area. As the husband, though, I have an opinion and some questions to share.

First the opinion:

I did not like what appeared to me to be a defeatist attitude from the men who were interviewed. The one with the solution of looking at his shoes all the time sounded very wimpy. I don't believe that is a good description of the victory over sin that Jesus won for us by rising from the dead. I believe that 'wiring' as it was called is only part of the picture and that what was described by the men interviewed was the effect of living in defeat of the enemy.

What I believe is that the enemy's goal is to distract us from the heart and soul of a woman by focusing us on her body. I believe the enemy has been so successful that we in "Christian Land" have come to call it normal or human nature. But God says He does not look on the outside, but to the heart. If we are supposed to be imitators of Him, we should endeavor to do the same. What this means is that we deny ourselves and take up our God-given authority, and command the spirits of lust to leave (or be bound) and ask for God to show you how to see the person as God sees them, rather than what they look like on the outside. Victory is when we can look at that person and see the individual that God sees.

Next, if I can be so presumptuous as to take issue with a couple of the things the author of the book mentioned, namely the role of the wife. It does not seem to me to be any help for the wife to replace "the other woman" as the object of the man's lust. I am not sure that is what she was saying, exactly, but sin is sin, no matter what the object. I don't think that was the main issue of the author. I think the idea was for the wife to understand and align herself with her husband and join the fight. For this program it meant to support him with their children's dress standards and be a "safe" place to reveal his struggles, etc. That is fine, but I also believe she should join the fight in the spiritual realm and help pull down the strongholds.

Now for the questions:

Am I being unrealistic or unbiblical? Am I being unreasonable? Is there more to this that I am missing?

How to Hook Up with an Existing Group?

pooh girl — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:49:23 GMT

I wonder how a couple can hook up with a group planning to attend WTR, so that you can get the discounted rate?