Parenting Forum

Pre-teens/Teens and technology

Holten — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:51:53 GMT

Hey all. Just curious what some other parents have dealt with and decided to do.

Our oldest child is a 12 year old daughter. We let her have an email account a few years ago... we know the password (she knows we know) and we do keep tabs.

We home school, but she does attend a home school "academy" once a week that is a "regular school" experience - mass of kids in a classroom, single teacher, projects, homework, etc. Between that and church youth group, she knows quite a few of her peers have cell phones and Facebook accounts.

She's been asking for a cell phone for over a year, to which we've responded "who would you call?" She wants to be able to text friends, and I think a big part of it is that she wants to fit in, to not be (in her mind) the "only" kid without a cell phone.

She's also started asking if she can get on Facebook. She has several friends on FB, including some she doesn't see anymore since we moved.

Currently, we're leaning towards the phone, but against FB.

I'm not asking for specific advice about what my wife and I should decide about our daughter. I just thought this all seemed current, important, and especially timely given that Christmas is almost here, and no doubt some of you have kids asking for phones or computers in their room or whatever.

It really is amazing how quickly computer and communication technology has changed life the past 25 years. I work in wireless telecom, and still almost daily find myself thinking about just how cool it all is, and being amazed that it all actually works!

Needing wise advice from SEASONED mommies of toddlers-my 2 yr old won't pray out loud or at all

Proverbs31girl — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 13:27:18 GMT

my 2 yr old won't pray out loud anymore at all-with anyone. It doesn't matter the time, place, he just says he won't, and wants me to do it for him.He's normally not a strong willed child, but this issue is troubling for me. I am not wanting to make a a mountain out of a mole hill here, I just need wisdom on how to deal with this correctly. I lead by example, and make sure my children don't just hear, but see me as a good example in prayer. His 3 yr old sis, has never gone through this, so it's new to me. I can't think of anything that's happened to cause this.
I know this might be just a phase he's going through, but I guess I am just a little concerned.It's been a couple of months, so I am a bit concerned. I haven't pushed/forced the issue, but I have just consistently "prayed" out loud for him/with him at bedtime, mealtime/whenever, because I want him to know how much God loves him, and that He wants us to talk to Him. I just don't want this to become a habit-him letting me pray for him. I know he's got very good communication skills/ verbal skills for his age, so that's not the problem. I am a bit confused as to how to deal with this situation. Do I continue to encourage him to pray, and continue to pray little prayers out loud with him at appropriate times, and not "push them" until he decides? I know forcing him would only make it worse, so I would like some advice especially from seasoned moms of toddlers who can give me some advice. Thanks so much.:-)

Talking to child about sex

WZN23Q — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 21:56:46 GMT

This is my son's second year in a public school. He is in the 5th grade. I have just learned a few days ago that the school system begins teaching sex education as part of the health/physical education curriculum. I am blown away. My son is 10 years old. I feel as though I'm being pushed into this now and want my son to understand our views and religious beliefs.

Does anyone have any advise of some CD's or books that we could review with our son?

My 4 Year old having hard time with preschool

yulicar08 — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 22:42:31 GMT

my 4 year old son started preschool 3 weeks ago and he is having such a hard time with it!! as soon as we start to talk about him going to preschool, he starts crying and gets really nervous, he doesnt go in until 12p but all morning he is thinking about it and gets really quiet and does want to play, he even got a fever a couple of times last week... is this normal??

I work full time but my mother in law has been volunteering at the school and staying with him for a couple of weeks, he does fine when she's there... I dont know if we should keep him in preschool or wait until next year.. it really helps and in these few days he has learned a lot....

I dont know what to do, please give my some advice

bullying in ballet class

august589 — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:12:40 GMT

My 10-year-old daughter takes a twice-a-week ballet class. In that class is another girl who seems to take delight in hurling insults at my daughter during class, such as, "You're so stupid you couldn't find your (behind)." Any suggestions on how to handle this before my wife goes and burns down the studio?

Preventing and/or Stopping a Temper Tantrum

gal_2_20 — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 21:39:45 GMT

My daughter (our only child as of now) just turned 2 and we've been having a terrible time with her throwing temper tantrums. They are always in response to something that she doesn't want to do (hold hands to walk across the street, ride in the shopping cart, brush her teeth, etc.). Once the tantrum starts, she becomes inconsolable within seconds and usually ends up screaming at the top of her lungs and lying on the floor (or stretched out like a plank if she's in a stroller or cart) while hitting and kicking anything within reach. I've tried everything I can think of (distraction, talking softly, talking firmly/loudly, ignoring it, etc.) to both prevent the tantrum and calm her down once it starts, but so far nothing has worked.

I'd love to hear any suggestions that other parents have to offer, both for tantrums in public and in the privacy of your home. I dread taking my daugther out in public right now for fear of how she'll end up acting. :(

Thank you!

Teen son and girlfriend

JaneFW — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 15:43:34 GMT

Think I just need prayer with this one or maybe some feedback from others. Our 17yo son is in love for the first time in his life! He has not dated before he started dating this girl, other than a girl from church who was more of a friend. He has liked the girl he is dating now (he met her at school) for a couple of years. She is much younger - just turned 15.

They are very much all over each other. My h has had to tell our son to cool it down because they sit right opposite us in a restaurant and they are all over each other! They do the same thing in our home when they eat with us, and it can make for some uncomfortable meal times. We have two younger boys who are soaking it all up of course.

So far as we know, they are having a chaste relationship. Both wear "true love waits" rings, she has started to attend our church with him, and they are certainly monitored in our homes by us in our house, and by the girl's mom in their home. What they get up to when they are not in our homes, we don't know. (Our son does have a car.)

This Sunday, our son turned up at church with a hickey on his neck. :( I wasn't at church that morning, but my h only saw it for the first time that day. We figure it must have happened the day before because our son and his g/f had tried to cover it up with make-up before church. The g/f's mom was so mad (she has also just started to attend our church) that she ended up going home. Before she did, she talked to both our son and her daughter outside. My h also talked to our son and told him that this should not ever happen again. I said to my h that it does make it clear that their relationship is becoming far more 'hot and heavy' than we had thought. I have to be honest and admit that I have given/received those things as a teen, and it was never just an innocent mistake. (They say that they didn't know she has done it.)

My h asked me if he thought I should talk to the g/f and I said no, we should just talk to our son, but the g/f's mom is closer to our son than we are to the g/f .. if that makes sense? He has spent more time at their house than she has spent at ours, because the mom wanted to get to know him before she would let him date her daughter. Evidently she feels able to reprimand him when we don't feel able to reprimand the g/f. Does this make sense? LOL. Anyway .. I was very uncomfortable that at least our 13yo son saw and understood what was on his brother's neck (the 9yo is in a world of his own!) and our church family saw it, and it's all very yucky. A lot of the teens at our church look up to our boy, and in the past it was with good reason because he is a good kid, but now I'm not so sure that the parents will be appreciative of him as a role model.

Any thoughts?

What would you do?

cherina91 — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 23:22:10 GMT

I have a daughter who will be 18 in a couple months, and we are having some issues with her. She was dating this guy and from what we found out about him, he was into drugs, dropped out of school and got his g.e.d in and out of jobs, etc.. then she found out he cheated on her, and she broke it off. Her dad and I told her she wasn`t to see him, or talk to him on the phone, computer, etc. She stayed away from him, and then recently we find out she was talking with him again. She is going by her FEELINGS ONLY... we told her he is no good for her, and is bad news! And what in bloomin world does she see in someone like him.

We have talked to her, warned her about him, name it. We grounded her. To try and make a long story short, (I know I`m skipping some stuff) she stayed home from school today, not feeling good. She wasnt feeling good yesterday either, and something was bugging me about her being home while everyone was at work. So I popped in by surprise this afternoon on my break, and she had all the doors locked, shutters closed, and when I got in, I saw the back sliding door open, and that is what was SO obvious. Had the back door not have been open, I would have given the benefit of the doubt. She acted panicky, then defensive. When I confronted her about the back door being open, she acted like someone may have gotten in, and that the dogs were barking earlier. I told her I wasn`t born yesterday, and that she needed to be straight with me. That was the stupidest thing I`ve ever heard. I guess my ultimate question is, where do you draw the line with someone who will be 18 soon? My husband said if she isn`t going to follow the rules, then she can get out. Do you agree with him, or do you think he is being too harsh? I am just tired, and don`t know what to do. We have prayed about it. Any advice??

14 year old daughter

mculbert — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 12:18:03 GMT

We have a 14 year, she is a good kid and loves her friends. One particular friends parents are going thru marital problems and possibly ending in divorce. This friend invited my daughter to her home coming dance this saturday, the friend goes to a differrent school in a different district. We as parents are concerned for several reasons for me; mom selfish and other reasons, dad the concerns of friend rebelling or acting out, wants to say no to her but does not want to deal with the tantrum fits when told no. If the friend decides to act out (boys, alchol, drugs) to get back at her parents or just because she is angry will our daughter be strong enough to with hold the pressure. We have spoken to her about it but she's 14 and really does not get it. Her friend has told her she is fine and does not care, her dad hurt her mom and does not want to see her mom get hurt anymore, so she is okay with them getting a divorce. I came from an abusive and divorced home growing up.

Are we making to much of this.

Any help with be apppreciated, thank you MKC

Teen Bible

xraydavem1 — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 18:30:22 GMT

Can someone recommend the best Bible for teenagers 13,15,17

Help!! My 3 year old goes crazy!!

YAHAMA82 — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 17:57:27 GMT

Hey, if I could get some help/insite, I would appreiacte it. I have a 3 year old boy who really knows how to make me mad! lol
I'll tell him to do something, like come here, shut the fridge, don't play with this or that, and he'll freak out! He'll get really mad and cry and stomp his feet and tell me stuff like 'One more time!' or 'I want to do it!' I've tried spanking, time out, and just talking and trying to explain things to him. And I'll ask him 'When mommy tells you to do something what are you supossed to do?' He replies; "Do it!" if he knows this why isn't he doing it? :( He'll even hit me which in my eyes is a big no no.
Any sugestions or anything!?

The Final Countdown!

PearsandGrapes — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 13:11:21 GMT

Well, tomorrow is the day! My baby will be starting her first day of Kindergarten...and that will mean all my chicks will have flown the coop for the year. :( Time is truly flying by!

Her teacher is *wonderful* and I am very excited for her!

My oldest DD got the teacher we requested as well, and her best friend is in her class for the 5th year in a row...would have been 6, but we home-schooled for 2nd grade. She is just jazzed as all get out. Her 11th bday is the 20th too, so that may have something to do with her excitement. Ü

DS#2 got his favorite teacher as his home-room period, he was stoked! Hasn't found many friends with the same schedule, but he is ok with it...this teacher must be really fun! I know they rib each other about baseball teams/players and etc, which is right up my son's ally. He is looking forward to a fun year!

DS#1 Got Spanish 2 out of the way in summer school to make room in his schedule for Graphic Arts. He is really looking forward to that. Has a tough but good schedule in the middle of his day and then will T.A. for his dad the last period...which is a *huge* help. I will be teaching until 3:00 and he can pick up the little one from K and bring her to the high school for a quick rest, snack and visit with Daddy before he gets DD#2 and brings them to me at my school. Ü

Anyone else? Is it the final countdown to school for you as well, or have your kids already started?

September 8: National Keep Your Child at Home Day

A_Surrendered_Life — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 15:57:48 GMT

President Obama will address schoolchildren on Tuesday, September 8. Our school principal informed us that his message will be broadcast in the classrooms and in the lunchroom.
Parents across the country are rebelling against plans by President Obama to speak directly to their children through the classrooms of the nation's public schools without their presence, participation and approval.
Support National Keep Your Child at Home Day!!!

Special Needs Child

megzlady — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 23:31:25 GMT

I have a child that has had heart surgery and required a feeding tube because she wasn't growing because she wasn't eating on her own. My husband and I can't get away because we don't have anyone that is willing to babysit because of the tube. I understand that it's a little awkward but isn't as bad as some other situations. My husband and I haven't been able to get away except for necessary reasons for about 7 months. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Help! 9 year old daughter panics when it is bed time

sab001 — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 04:41:12 GMT

My daughter is nine years old. One month ago, she began panicing over not being able to go to sleep at night.

Now, when it is time to go to bed, the panic begins and she says, "I don't think I can go to bed."

This panic attack can last 4-5 hours.

This is becoming a big struggle for my wife and I.

She has always slept in her own bed. We don't know of any particular event that took place causing her to panic about going to sleep.

Can you offer us some advice?

Scott

Texting Limits

paardvrouw — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 22:37:19 GMT

always learning the hard way, I let my 16 yr old daughter have unlimitd texting. When I realized whe never spoke to people anymore, and was forming relationships with young men solely through texting, I decided to cut back to the 1500 limit per month. that would start next week.

Needless to say, she is not happy, thinking of rearragning her communication method. Has anyone else gone through this, any experience in this area, am I being too harsh?

I am afraid of going too far nthe other direction.

how much are you involved with your young children?

BerthaAgain — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 16:52:05 GMT

My boys are age 7 -- is it realistic to expect them to be able to entertain themselves at this age? I can't seem to have an extended period of time to myself without interruptions from one of them.

Is it still my "responsibility" to get them STARTED with something, or sit and play with them...at this age? My mother never did this...

Sometimes I think parents get too involved with their kids...but with the way my son keeps coming to me, I can't help but feel GUILT that I should be doing more! Mind you, I do spend time with them...we have our time for the park, or the day at the beach, or short periods of reading together or coloring.

How much is good, how much is too much?

The 'need" to have a boyfriend

darlaturan — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 19:00:00 GMT

What is it about some young girls (14,15) who seem to have a need to have a boyfriend.....even when there appears to be a good relationship in tact with dad?

Passport to Purity?

lil_mama53004 — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 02:31:34 GMT

A friend of mine told me about a cd series she used with her daughter and she said its called Passport to Purity. I cannot find it anywhere on the website. Can someone help me please? email me at lil_mama53004@yahoo.com

Thanks and God Bless!

~Erin~

16 year old girls

Alision412 — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 16:19:42 GMT

Hello, I'm new to this website, and I'm a concerned mother. My only child, Dawn, has recently been acting very distant and her new best friend is a homosexual which makes me very nervous because i fear he could be a bad influence on her. She and her other friends constantly make inapproiate comments or jokes with each other and several times my husband and I have overheard her using the most horrible profanity and then about a month ago she started refusing to go to church and it's like she is a completly different person who I fear may be drinking or worse and I just don't know what to do about her.

College daughter home for the summer

2114mom — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 18:14:44 GMT

I am also new to this site, and I have an issue with my 19 year old daughter who is home for the summer from college. I just found out that her best friend, who has been her best friend for the last three years, claims she is bisexual. These two have been pretty much inseperable since my daughter came home a month ago, and they were like this before my daughter went away to college. My daughter has a boyfriend, whom is very active in the church, but she met him while she was away at school, and he lives 1000 miles away, where they went to school. We have met him and his family and are very happy with her choice of a boyfriend. But I am just wondering if she is experimenting with her best friend. It seems odd to me that she would continue to spend so much time with her friend, after finding out that she is bisexual. My daughter has always said that she does not agree with that lifestyle, so I am a tad confused by her behavior. I don't necessarily want her to stop being friends with her best friend, but I don't know how to approach her about this without sounding paranoid, or as if I don't trust her to make the right decisions. Please help!

Sometimes...

PearsandGrapes — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 14:47:05 GMT

being a parent is a lonely business...

sigh.

There is a movie out now that there is no *way* that my dh and I can condone our 16 yr old son seeing. He doesn't really want to see it, he says, but was glad he could blame us as the reason not to. I am fine with that.

He then gave a list of his friends who are his age(or a year younger), that *have* been allowed to see it, one *with* his parents. These are the people that do not like cursing, so they don't watch any movie with the "f" bomb in it...and according to their son, they all went to see this movie.

Apparently, we are the lone hold outs here...and it just stinks to feel like we are alone in this. :( I went and read the reviews from two different places and I am not even close to wavering on the "NO!" we have given our son, but it still just stinks.

Manipulative Classmate.... Help!!!!

carolinagirl@heart — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 22:51:14 GMT

I need some advice, please. My 9 yo daughter has been dealing with a manipulative classmate for the majority of the school year. This little girl, who we'll call Mary, has been trying to come between my daughter and her best friend and has just about succeeded. She is very cunning and knows just what to say and how to say it so that she comes out smelling like a rose and my daughter looks like an immature brat. I admit, when my daughter first began coming home with tales about "Mary said this..." I took a hands-off approach. After all, kids need to learn to work this stuff out on their own, and it's fourth-grade drama, right? I'd smooth it over and patch up her feelings and send her back to school. But I've reached a point where I feel it may be time to intervene. Yesterday, my girl came home upset saying that she had no friends. Mary had told her that she "didn't want her anywhere near" her. A 3rd girl heard and objected. Mary replied "Oh, she'll get over it by tomorrow. She always does." Then a 4th girl objected. Mary convinced them all that my daughter had just "misunderstood" what was said. (How exactly can you misunderstand "I don't want you anywhere near me"?) Again, I glossed it over. I'm not one of those moms who thinks that her little angel isn't capable of fault, so I try not to jump to those conclusions. But this morning when I was dropping her off at school, I saw it for myself. Mary was whispering to the other girls, looking over her shoulder at my daughter, whispering, and looking back at my daughter. (Remember this from childhood, ladies?) I realized then that we are dealing with a manipulative personality who can change to fit the occasion and who's listening. I walked over to her, and in front of the other girls, said calmly but firmly "Mary, why did you tell my daughter that you didn't want her anywhere near you yesterday? I'm trying to figure out what happened." The child looked like I stepped on her balloon. She was busted. She stuttered and stammered and said, "Well, I never said that I wanted her to go to another school...." Funny thing--- I didn't either. "I don't want anyone to leave... I didn't... ummm... ahhh...." The other girls went back to class and I told Mary she could go, too. I was hoping that knowing that I was aware of the situation would put a stop to her behavior. That's not the way it played out, though. As I said, she's been trying to come between my daughter and her best friend (call her Martha). Martha (and her mother) thinks that Mary is the bee's knees. Again, she's very good at showing her best side when she wants to. Today, Mary told Martha that she was no longer going to be her friend because it was too difficult dealing with my daughter. Am I the only one who sees this as manipulation? My daughter and Martha have been best friends for years and I believe would have had no problems this year if it weren't for this situation. Martha is caught in the middle. My dilemma now is.... how do I handle this? I've prayed, and prayed, and prayed. I've talked with the guidance counselor, the pediatrician, Grandma, older women, my husband. I've talked with Martha's mom (who is my friend, by the way); she doesn't want to get involved. I don't either, but my daughter is really starting to suffer as a result of this. She never knows from day to day who her friends will be or if Mary will "be mean" to her and turn the others against her. I hesitate to call Mary's parents (that's my last resort), because I'd rather teach my daughter how to deal with this kind of person so that she'll be stronger herself. But it's coming down to that. What would you do? How would you/ have you handled it in your families?

My daughter is stuck to me like glue!

scrapstampnsew — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 19:39:37 GMT

I have a five year old daughter. When was born, she was 10 weeks early. My husband didn't like me to leave him with her to put her to bed. Hence, I have put her to bed almost every night (except when she was with a sitter, my mother, or on the rare occassion where he didn't have a choice). I have been blessed to be a work-at-home-mom. I have an in-home daycare. Now that she's older, he wants to spend time with her but she often ruins it by wanting to be with me or throwing a fit because I'm not going along or something along those lines.

I realize that part of the blame lies with him & his lack of wanting to spend time with her when she was younger. However, the past is the past. It can't be redone. Any suggestions for what I can do to help?

She is getting better but today, he took her to movie. She was really excited about going! She even left the house with friends here that she LOVES. Towards the end of the movie, something scared her. She got calmed down & then suddenly wanted to come home & see Mommy! So, after paying $20 they had to leave the movie early & didn't even get to see the end of it!

I'M SO FRUSTRATED! I don't even know what to say to her...

HELP!!!!!

Seeking Pre-Schooler Insights

Hot Ice — Sat, 30 May 2009 00:13:38 GMT

Hi everyone:

Next year, I'd like to be more effective with teaching the pre-school classes that I'm going to have. I wanted to ask--I assumed that the women would especially be powerful in providing this--for insights from observations they've made during the Pre-k through Kindergarten years, that would help me to shape the kids--even at that young age--for godliness.

Anything that you could share (don't assume I know anything! I'm afraid that you'll hold back, and I'll miss valuable insight, that way!) regarding patterns of speech, interaction with other kids, types of praise, frequency of praise, etc. would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!