A Few Great Maxims

divorce in church — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 20:34:58 GMT

Because my post count was in decline....I found some maxims
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I am so smart you'll never understand these Maxims, even if you drink some kind of "smart potion" or something. I am very intellectual.

28. And what, then, oh merciful 'desire', do you have for us? Constant renewal? You are but a cow in a field.

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22. No woman would ever say "Chairs and biscuits!? Sounds like hatecrime to me!"

23. Cheese grated is cheese wasted.

24. What did the prophets know of the relations twixt a man and his cow?

25. Truth? Or lies? Think about it…

26. If all of mankind were one atom, each individual man would be really tiny.

27. Time. It ravages us all. Like a big, swarthy sailor, with an STD.

I hope that helps you. I know it helps me.

Three more Maxims for you, you vapid, fickle hoard. May they help you to live a better, more fulfilled life.

19. Babies. Babies that dribble. Babies that put things in their mouths, and pee emselves. Babies that crawl around and laugh. Big bouncing babies.

20. I never met a man, woman or child who didn't like pleasure.

21. Sometimes the walls are yellow. Here comes daddy…

Hello you people. I've thought of some more maxims to help you through your lives…

13. Heidegger wrote about three billion pages all dedicated to asking: "What is a thing?". Why did he bother?

14. How many times can a man fail, and still call himself a "man". Seven.

15. The devil's greatest trick was convincing the world he didn't exist. David Blane's greatest trick was that one with the ice.

16. The rationalists all suffered from severe rectal distension.

17. I once said: "Man, know thou truth? Know thou whimsy?". Mr. Blair could not answer.

18. We grow lobsters in jars, but the jars always burn down. We are the jar-burners of our own lobsters.

1. Life sucks and then you die. Unless you're a crab. Crabs rock.

2. There is nothing finer than to be called "Rufus".

3. People on the bus means steamed up windows. Only the empty bus avoids making roadkill of the truth.

6. That girl you like? She hates you, and thinks you have a stupid face. All smell of bum.

7. Aristotle said: "...better part of him. It…". He was a wise man.

8. The only thing more stupid than "The realm of the forms" is your face.

10. Mathematicians tell me that there are an infinite number of numbers, but last night, I counted up to 384,754,269,112 and the numbers just ran out.

11. Do you scratch your chin, or does your chin scratch you? Think about it…

12. Sometimes the answer is "Three and a half". Sometimes it's "Two". So far as I'm aware, it's never been "All of the bricks were French".

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A Few Great Maxims