Family Forum

Re: He wants to leave again.

Twinkleeyes07 — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 17:38:42 GMT

Faithey,

I read most of your posts here & I am so sorry for your pain &what you are going thru. I don't have but a second but I wanted to let you know I am praying for you,...your husband & the kids too. Hang in there. Keep sharing. You need all the support from Christains you can get. This is a great place for that. Stay in church & get as much support from your church famly too. I will continue to pray for you sister. Tell satan to leave,.get out,...that he has NO AUTHORITY over this situation or your husband.

God bless you!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Faithey)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Re: He wants to leave again.

FAITHEY — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 14:05:36 GMT

My husband was home when I arrived. In fact he had called me prior to my leaving work to see what time I would be home. We went out to get some dinner with the boys and came home. Sometimes the tension is thick and others more relaxed. I am constantly praying.

At night, we had a discussion. He started to become heated. He told me that he feels I do not ask him what he wants, his plans, his dreams, etc. I told him that I had not pursued that in the last seven days in order to give him some space. I apologize if I came across as uncaring. I explained that I have a level of fear and did not want to push. He said that made sense to him and was glad I did not default to everything is fine situation. I told him that I want to be his with and partner. That I want to know what he is thinking and what his plans are. I told him that I want to be very much involved with him and make decisions together. That I would listen to him and give him my thoughts on any situation.

Later own we sat down to watch a movie. He then apologized for treating my unknidly and that he does not want to speak to me in that tone or in that matter. He says that we really can get along but there are issues that we must address and does not want to feel alone in doing so.

I have to bring my fear captive and turn it over to the Lord. I pray for wisdom and strength in speaking up in a Godly manner and truly conversing with my husband. Sometimes I do not ask him questions for fear what his answer will be. This cannot be. I am truly interested and care very much about him and what his feelings are. I want him to feel free in discussing everything anything with me. I want to make him feel that I am concerned and listining.

I want to thank you all once again for your prayers, thoughts and input. They are such a blessing.

Re: He wants to leave again.

FAITHEY — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 13:56:44 GMT

Grace0369, thank you for sharing your testimony with me. It is a blessing. I pray that the Lord continues to be lamp on to you and your husband's feet filled with wisdom, knowledge, mercy and grace. I pray a hedge of protection around you both.

Pro31:26, Thank you for your thoughts and input. I will pray over what you have said. Thank you for being forthcoming. It is much appreaciated.

Hot Ice, Thank you for your thoughts, comments and prayers. I cannot say enough what a blessing they are. I so much appreciate them.

BestofKy, I remember you. We have been on the Fl Life Forums about the same length of time. You are abslutely right with regard to my husband, his will, and his choice to leave, if he so decides. These past two years have been of tremendous growth on my part. The Lord has been working with me and I release my husband to Him and our marriage. But, at times, I stumble. But I pray my way through and ask others to come along side of me to pray with me and for me. Thank you so very much.

God Bless,

Faithey

Re: He wants to leave again.

bestofky — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 12:58:56 GMT

Faithey,

I'm truly sorry that you continue to be hurting. I have been a member of this forum for the past 2 1/2 years and although I do not remember exactly when you joined FL, I do know that you have been a member much of that time, too. And your situation has changed very little in that time.

God loves YOU, Faithey...please NEVER doubt that. And IMO, He would never want His precious daughter to hurt so badly.

God does not FORCE anyone to accept His Son as Savior and Lord...He does not and will not FORCE any of us to LOVE Him....it is our choice.

And, Faithey, you cannot FORCE your husband to love YOU the way that you want, need, and deserve to be loved.

PLEASE, get the books, "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson and "Boundaries In Marriage" by Cloud/Townsend and read them over and over and over again. God does not want you to be treated like this, Faithey. No one can take advantage of you without your permission.

Please know that I am NOT suggesting that you "GIVE UP" on your marriage....I'm just suggesting that you give it TOTALLY over to God and let Him control it......If your husband truly WANTS to leave...then there is NOTHING that you can do about it. Give it over to Christ.....and have PEACE.

Love and Prayers,

bestofky

Re: He wants to leave again.

pro31:26 — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 03:41:06 GMT

faithey, he's your husband but i pray to god you arent allowing him to sleep w/ you. that isnt god's will for you n i'm sure god is giving you the red lights on that one.

do you think it's god's will for you to sleep w/ him after he slept w/ another woman n now he's deciding to go back to her? if you do. you're blinded like your husband.

Re: He wants to leave again.

Hot Ice — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 23:03:31 GMT

FAITHEY:

Thank you so very much. Its a blessing to have you praying. I am so low right now. Just reading your post made me cry. My husband feels God does not want him to be unhappy. He feels that is a good enough reason not to stay. He said that he should not stay because of the kids. If they are not a good enought reason that what is. He has no justifiable reason to divorce me. I am far from perfect and fall short of God's glory, but I have never been unfaithful to him.

He told me he never wanted to divorce me. Although people pressured him to, he could not. He could not understand why he always wants to come back home to me. He says he feels loved and safe with me.

I'm at work and cannot focus. I am scarred to go home this afternoon and find that he may not be there. I'm so worried about my boys. I love them so very much. I could never hurt them in this manner. I was and am willng to work on our marriage. I just don't understand why.

Faithey

I'm really hearing you here.....I have faces flashing in front of me from my past of women who said the same (basic) things to me.....PLEASE hold on the the truth that the God who made your husband's mind, who has all the demons that are messing with his thinking right now (and that of the O.W.) loves you with an ACTION love, and has you in His hand!!! Pray out to Him about His faithfulness, His wisdom, His power, and look for His will all day/night. Listen to music that doesn't just praise God, but that SHOUTS to you encouragement to stay in His will in the middle of the furnace......I just ache with you.......man!

Re: He wants to leave again.

Hot Ice — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 22:57:33 GMT

christianmom4life:

Oh Faithey..I know how you are feeling. Really, I do, and I know how alone you can feel...BUT-you are NOT alone...Not only is God with you, but we are here for you as well...praying for you and your family. I believe in my heart that God is working in your husband. He is torn, but it seems he knows where his heart is (at home with you and the kids)...I know your heart is hurting, I know the pain seems unbearable..but I also know your faith in your God, and in Him all things are possible....

Dear Lord...

I don't pretend to understand. I don't know why we endure this pain, but I do know that you are an amazing God. I pray that you will comfort Faithey today at this very trying time. Lord, give her peace, to know that you have a great and awesome plan for her and her family. Bless her for staying strong in her faith. Lord, please guide her husband back to you. Lord let him seek a deep relationship with you so that he can know your love and what you desire for him and for their marriage and family. Lord, wrap your arms around Faithey..let her feel you love and arms around her as she feels so alone..In Jesus' name I pray Amen..

Hugs~

Amen! I wish I could see more prayer going on in here--just like that! God strengthen you Faithey, in your inner (wo)man, strengthened not by human efforts, but through His divine, perfect, undefeatable, inexhaustable, Holy MIGHT (Colossians 1:10-12)!!

LOOK for His answer, Faith; ask him for a heart that believes Him, seeks Him, ANTICIPATES His work in your life, that trusts Him with anything about this fire you're going through--EVEN the idea that you won't see your prize until you step into eternity (NOT that I'm praying that result into your life! Just wanting you to remember that even if that were the worst that were to happen, God WILL blow away any tear being produced by this nonsense. In the meantime, as God changes YOU, He's going to USE you on your husband, in His way, in His time.....for His glory. Cry out to Him, as I cry out with you, and the rest here praying for you. He's going to answer--that's just how He is!

Re: He wants to leave again.

Grace0369 — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 20:18:15 GMT

You have been on my mind and heart all day Faithey! Hope you are hanging in there! When you have a spare moment, let us know how you are doing! Thank you dear!

Love,
Gracie

Re: He wants to leave again.

pro31:26 — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:19:10 GMT

faithey i feel your pain n fear. keep trusting god's promises n not your husband's empty promised. i pray the lord will guard your heart n not allow the enemy to play w/ your feelings for your husband.

i know you truly have strong feelings for your husband n loving him is to let him go n allow the lord to work in his life. he cant go back n forth. take him back when he's ready to love god w/ all his heart, body, mind, and soul, then he'll be ready to be a faithful husband n a loving father to your children.

Re: He wants to leave again.

Grace0369 — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:12:01 GMT

Faithey, Christianmom4life made a point that he knows where his heart is, and that was at home with you and the kids......VERY TRUE!!!!

I, by NO means, mean to be disrespectful to you or anyone else in your position, but being torn is as miserable of a place to be, as the spouse not knowing what's coming next. It's just a different misery!

The counsel I have would be better used towards your husband, as I've never been in your shoes. Only since I have allowed the Lord to open my heart has He opened my eyes as well to the pain I put my husband through! But, my heart was at home (my husband and I were seperated), the enemy was pulling hard at my life, which had been lived far too long and far too away from the Lord! I tried drinking my pain away, and many times, in the midst of the alcohol, the pain, the years of pent up resentments that I carried toward my husband, I would rage towards him, making it all his fault! All the while, I knew very well what I was doing was wrong! But.....it didn't stop me! It's a very long story, but here's the short of it......

Last September, I had had it!!!! I was fed up with ME! I couldn't deal any longer with this back and forth, up and down, inside out, wishy washyness that my life had turned into! So.....with the help and support of my husband, I changed my cell number and my e-mail address. In March of 2007, I quit my job of 10 years, where this other man also worked and we had plenty of opportunities to talk, see each other, etc. (However, this quitting was not something I thought I was doing to get away from a very toxic relationship, I thought I was burnt out in general, my life had been chaos for years prior to my "breakdown" and my affair. Since March of 2007, the Lord continues to show me, though I am still unemployed, that leaving that job helped me to let go of so much!) Anyway, this was to be the short version ha ha ha ha!! I was no longer accessable to those in my old life, I had his phone number memorized by this time (we had been involved for 3 years), as well as his e-mail address, but the Lord was drawing me into Him in ways I never could have imagined. And it was in that.....and ONLY in that, that I was able to STOP!!! It wasn't that the Lord removed that other man from my life, it was that the Lord helped me to stop! It was a matter of control, it was a matter of choice! If the other man had been "removed" from my life, it wouldn't be a choice. Does that make sense?

As far as your sister or the many other people we may have in our lives that think we need to go where our happiness is, it's a mirage, a fantasy, it's all futile as King Solomon talks about in Ecclessiates! I too, thought I needed to go where my happiness was and I made choices to surround myself with people who would validate that in me, I wouldn't talk to those who would tell me otherwise.

Faithey, I know your dealing with much fear today! And for that.....I'm sorry! God does not give us a spirit of fear. So know that your fear is from the enemy. In my situation, I had to begin making different choices, at first, those choices were hard! I was going against my flesh. But today, I am more at peace then I have been in my entire life! And though my husband and I are healing and the Lord is restoring our marriage, there are still trust issues and for that which is my part, I am sorry. But, I am grateful to have been forgiven by our gracious God. It is in His forgiveness, His love, His grace, His mercy, and showing me Jesus as He really is, that I am able to be married after all we have been through. It took us 17 years to get to our marital breaking point and we had to grab onto the reality that it wasn't going to be all peaches and cream overnite.

You will get through this, not by your own effort, but by the grace of God. You may not feel His presence, but He is there. When we get into fear and impatience and angst, it feels to us that God has moved far away. But it is in those moments He is at His closest to us. Reach up in faith Faithey! His arms are held out to you today. His loving, all powerful, merciful arms are reaching down to you right now. Let Him left you out of your fear and into His grace!

Re: He wants to leave again.

christianmom4life — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 17:07:00 GMT

His sister may have "accepted Christ", but she must not "know" Him, or she would not be encouraging your husband in a worldly way...

I am sorry that he works with her and that she continues to text him, etc...If he commits to working on your marriage, he will need to change his number and not give it to her, and possibly change jobs...Lots of love to you Faithey...

Re: He wants to leave again.

FAITHEY — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 16:25:55 GMT

Thank you Christianmom4life. Again, it is a blessing to receive your prayer. I do pray that God will reveal to my husband His perfect will and plan. I pray that my husband will reverence our Lord and surrender his emotions and thought to God.

I know OW is continually texting him. I know his sister (she has accepted Christ)is of the belief that if your not happy you move onto where you will be happy. Instead of encouraging my husband in God and His word, she gives worldly advise. I pray that God will continue to touch my husband's life and remove OW from his life. They work together, so I also pray that God would separate them work wise as well.

God Bless,

Faithey

Re: He wants to leave again.

christianmom4life — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 16:15:57 GMT

Oh Faithey..I know how you are feeling. Really, I do, and I know how alone you can feel...BUT-you are NOT alone...Not only is God with you, but we are here for you as well...praying for you and your family. I believe in my heart that God is working in your husband. He is torn, but it seems he knows where his heart is (at home with you and the kids)...I know your heart is hurting, I know the pain seems unbearable..but I also know your faith in your God, and in Him all things are possible....

Dear Lord...

I don't pretend to understand. I don't know why we endur this pain, but I do know that you are an amazing God. I pray that you will comfort Faithey today at this very trying time. Lord, give her peace, to know that you have a great and awesome plan for her and her family. Bless her for staying strong in her faith. Lord, please guide her husband back to you. Lord let him seek a deep relationship with you so that he can know your love and what you desire for him and for their marriage and family. Lord, wrap your arms around Faithey..let her feel you love and arms around her as she feels so alone..In Jesus' name I pray Amen..

Hugs~

Re: He wants to leave again.

FAITHEY — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 16:02:58 GMT

Thank you Grace0369. It is a blessing to me to hear and receive a prayer from you and others. You say you have been my husband before, is there any counsel you could give. I'm hurting beyond words right now and am encased with fear. I have been praying. I know that God is with me. But at times, I can't feel Him, yet I know better.

God Bless,

Faithey

Re: He wants to leave again.

Grace0369 — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 15:52:51 GMT

Faithey! Good morning from Denver, Colorado! My heart is aching for you right now dear! I'm so sorry you are experiencing this today!

Father, you know where Faithey is, you know her heart, you know her situation. Lord, please cover her with your peace - the peace that surpasses all understanding! I trust that you to be in control of this situation Father, but I know there is an enemy out there who wants to divide this family! Nothing else will matter if the enemy gets his way, so I humbly ask you Father to bring peace into Faithey's heart. Allow her the ability to focus on you Lord, so she may get through her work day. And Lord....as she leaves work and enters into her home, be there with her! Right alongside of her, so whatever she walks into, she can feel your presence! Thank you Father! In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

Faithey - Hang in there honey! You are in a tough place, so don't forget to cut yourself some slack. Maybe you could take a break and go into the bathroom, or go to your car in the parking lot and pray! Let it all out to our Almighty God! Cry, scream, pray, and then.....pray some more. Maybe that will help you get back into focus! Imagine you actually leaving this at Jesus' feet, for Him to take care of. That may help you focus more on getting through your day! I'm just so sorry honey, I can't even tell you! I have been your husband before! I have been wishy washy, back and forth, promising, then going back on my promise! It wasn't until God drew me to Him in my darkest moment, that He was able to stabalize my heart! I hear my husband in your words and my heart just aches! I'm so sorry! Take care sweetheart!