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My heart is pounding in pure devastation. After being home a week, he wants to leave and feels he made a mistake coming home. He flips back and forth. He told me the big argument with OW was all about his wanting to come home. He told me he missed me and the boys. How he would leave our home and arrive at OW house and fight with OW, all because he did not want to leave us. He told he cannot imagine doing things without us. He promised he would never leave again. He promised the boys he would never leave again. He said we would put everything on the table and take it one step at a time. He told me he want to celebrate Chritsmas Eve and was so excited about it.
I'm in tears. I just don't understand. This is too painful for words. I have not slept in over 24 hours and not much at all over the past week. Last night, I picked him from work. When we came home he sat down to have dinner. Something in his face switched. After to boys went to bed, I went to go to bed and lay down next to him. He got up shortly after that. I just stayed in bed praying. Around 1:45 a.m. he comes to bed and tells me he made a mistake coming home. He says he tried but does not feel like loving me, wanting to hold my hand, etc. Says he loves me but not in love with me. Said he cringed laying next to me in bed. That is not how the other days and night went.
My faith is and will always be in the Lord, but this hurts so much. It was December 19, 2006 when he left us. Now, its December 8, 2008 and he may not be home when we get home.
I told him that he not only promised me, but the boys as well. What would he tell them. He said they will have to learn things like this happen. Our boys are 9 & 7. How do you explain that to them. Especially our oldest boy. When my husband told him he was home to stay forever, our son told him he was so happy to have his prayers answered, because he was starting to lose hope.
I know God will never give me more than I can handle, but I'm just devastated.
Faithey
Thank you so very much. Its a blessing to have you praying. I am so low right now. Just reading your post made me cry. My husband feels God does not want him to be unhappy. He feels that is a good enough reason not to stay. He said that he should not stay because of the kids. If they are not a good enought reason that what is. He has no justifiable reason to divorce me. I am far from perfect and fall short of God's glory, but I have never been unfaithful to him.
He told me he never wanted to divorce me. Although people pressured him to, he could not. He could not understand why he always wants to come back home to me. He says he feels loved and safe with me.
I'm at work and cannot focus. I am scarred to go home this afternoon and find that he may not be there. I'm so worried about my boys. I love them so very much. I could never hurt them in this manner. I was and am willng to work on our marriage. I just don't understand why.
I feel as though I'm falling apart. Could you please come along side me and pray with me and for me. I need to talk and feel so isolated right now. I'm at work and find it very difficult to work.
I just spoke to my husband and he is still home. It apears that he will be home when the boys and I get home. He read my letter and said that its hard to deal with me now being "perfect" (so to speak) when for long I was not. He says I spoke about the changes I made and my commitment to him, our marriage and family. But says, I don't ask him about him, what he wants his feelings. I thought I had been doing so for the last 7 days. Saying that we would do things together and I would ask how he wanted to approach things. Obviously, it was not a good job on my part and not what he needed.
I suppose I'm afraid to ask him what he wants, and have him say a divorce. Then what? What do I say then? What do we do then since he said a week ago he want to stay and not leave.
Could someone offer me some insight and advise.
Faithey! Good morning from Denver, Colorado! My heart is aching for you right now dear! I'm so sorry you are experiencing this today!
Father, you know where Faithey is, you know her heart, you know her situation. Lord, please cover her with your peace - the peace that surpasses all understanding! I trust that you to be in control of this situation Father, but I know there is an enemy out there who wants to divide this family! Nothing else will matter if the enemy gets his way, so I humbly ask you Father to bring peace into Faithey's heart. Allow her the ability to focus on you Lord, so she may get through her work day. And Lord....as she leaves work and enters into her home, be there with her! Right alongside of her, so whatever she walks into, she can feel your presence! Thank you Father! In Jesus name I pray, Amen!
Faithey - Hang in there honey! You are in a tough place, so don't forget to cut yourself some slack. Maybe you could take a break and go into the bathroom, or go to your car in the parking lot and pray! Let it all out to our Almighty God! Cry, scream, pray, and then.....pray some more. Maybe that will help you get back into focus! Imagine you actually leaving this at Jesus' feet, for Him to take care of. That may help you focus more on getting through your day! I'm just so sorry honey, I can't even tell you! I have been your husband before! I have been wishy washy, back and forth, promising, then going back on my promise! It wasn't until God drew me to Him in my darkest moment, that He was able to stabalize my heart! I hear my husband in your words and my heart just aches! I'm so sorry! Take care sweetheart!
Thank you Grace0369. It is a blessing to me to hear and receive a prayer from you and others. You say you have been my husband before, is there any counsel you could give. I'm hurting beyond words right now and am encased with fear. I have been praying. I know that God is with me. But at times, I can't feel Him, yet I know better.
God Bless,
Oh Faithey..I know how you are feeling. Really, I do, and I know how alone you can feel...BUT-you are NOT alone...Not only is God with you, but we are here for you as well...praying for you and your family. I believe in my heart that God is working in your husband. He is torn, but it seems he knows where his heart is (at home with you and the kids)...I know your heart is hurting, I know the pain seems unbearable..but I also know your faith in your God, and in Him all things are possible....
Dear Lord...
I don't pretend to understand. I don't know why we endur this pain, but I do know that you are an amazing God. I pray that you will comfort Faithey today at this very trying time. Lord, give her peace, to know that you have a great and awesome plan for her and her family. Bless her for staying strong in her faith. Lord, please guide her husband back to you. Lord let him seek a deep relationship with you so that he can know your love and what you desire for him and for their marriage and family. Lord, wrap your arms around Faithey..let her feel you love and arms around her as she feels so alone..In Jesus' name I pray Amen..
Hugs~
Thank you Christianmom4life. Again, it is a blessing to receive your prayer. I do pray that God will reveal to my husband His perfect will and plan. I pray that my husband will reverence our Lord and surrender his emotions and thought to God.
I know OW is continually texting him. I know his sister (she has accepted Christ)is of the belief that if your not happy you move onto where you will be happy. Instead of encouraging my husband in God and His word, she gives worldly advise. I pray that God will continue to touch my husband's life and remove OW from his life. They work together, so I also pray that God would separate them work wise as well.
His sister may have "accepted Christ", but she must not "know" Him, or she would not be encouraging your husband in a worldly way...
I am sorry that he works with her and that she continues to text him, etc...If he commits to working on your marriage, he will need to change his number and not give it to her, and possibly change jobs...Lots of love to you Faithey...
Faithey, Christianmom4life made a point that he knows where his heart is, and that was at home with you and the kids......VERY TRUE!!!!
I, by NO means, mean to be disrespectful to you or anyone else in your position, but being torn is as miserable of a place to be, as the spouse not knowing what's coming next. It's just a different misery!
The counsel I have would be better used towards your husband, as I've never been in your shoes. Only since I have allowed the Lord to open my heart has He opened my eyes as well to the pain I put my husband through! But, my heart was at home (my husband and I were seperated), the enemy was pulling hard at my life, which had been lived far too long and far too away from the Lord! I tried drinking my pain away, and many times, in the midst of the alcohol, the pain, the years of pent up resentments that I carried toward my husband, I would rage towards him, making it all his fault! All the while, I knew very well what I was doing was wrong! But.....it didn't stop me! It's a very long story, but here's the short of it......
Last September, I had had it!!!! I was fed up with ME! I couldn't deal any longer with this back and forth, up and down, inside out, wishy washyness that my life had turned into! So.....with the help and support of my husband, I changed my cell number and my e-mail address. In March of 2007, I quit my job of 10 years, where this other man also worked and we had plenty of opportunities to talk, see each other, etc. (However, this quitting was not something I thought I was doing to get away from a very toxic relationship, I thought I was burnt out in general, my life had been chaos for years prior to my "breakdown" and my affair. Since March of 2007, the Lord continues to show me, though I am still unemployed, that leaving that job helped me to let go of so much!) Anyway, this was to be the short version ha ha ha ha!! I was no longer accessable to those in my old life, I had his phone number memorized by this time (we had been involved for 3 years), as well as his e-mail address, but the Lord was drawing me into Him in ways I never could have imagined. And it was in that.....and ONLY in that, that I was able to STOP!!! It wasn't that the Lord removed that other man from my life, it was that the Lord helped me to stop! It was a matter of control, it was a matter of choice! If the other man had been "removed" from my life, it wouldn't be a choice. Does that make sense?
As far as your sister or the many other people we may have in our lives that think we need to go where our happiness is, it's a mirage, a fantasy, it's all futile as King Solomon talks about in Ecclessiates! I too, thought I needed to go where my happiness was and I made choices to surround myself with people who would validate that in me, I wouldn't talk to those who would tell me otherwise.
Faithey, I know your dealing with much fear today! And for that.....I'm sorry! God does not give us a spirit of fear. So know that your fear is from the enemy. In my situation, I had to begin making different choices, at first, those choices were hard! I was going against my flesh. But today, I am more at peace then I have been in my entire life! And though my husband and I are healing and the Lord is restoring our marriage, there are still trust issues and for that which is my part, I am sorry. But, I am grateful to have been forgiven by our gracious God. It is in His forgiveness, His love, His grace, His mercy, and showing me Jesus as He really is, that I am able to be married after all we have been through. It took us 17 years to get to our marital breaking point and we had to grab onto the reality that it wasn't going to be all peaches and cream overnite.
You will get through this, not by your own effort, but by the grace of God. You may not feel His presence, but He is there. When we get into fear and impatience and angst, it feels to us that God has moved far away. But it is in those moments He is at His closest to us. Reach up in faith Faithey! His arms are held out to you today. His loving, all powerful, merciful arms are reaching down to you right now. Let Him left you out of your fear and into His grace!
faithey i feel your pain n fear. keep trusting god's promises n not your husband's empty promised. i pray the lord will guard your heart n not allow the enemy to play w/ your feelings for your husband.
i know you truly have strong feelings for your husband n loving him is to let him go n allow the lord to work in his life. he cant go back n forth. take him back when he's ready to love god w/ all his heart, body, mind, and soul, then he'll be ready to be a faithful husband n a loving father to your children.
You have been on my mind and heart all day Faithey! Hope you are hanging in there! When you have a spare moment, let us know how you are doing! Thank you dear!
Love,Gracie
christianmom4life: Oh Faithey..I know how you are feeling. Really, I do, and I know how alone you can feel...BUT-you are NOT alone...Not only is God with you, but we are here for you as well...praying for you and your family. I believe in my heart that God is working in your husband. He is torn, but it seems he knows where his heart is (at home with you and the kids)...I know your heart is hurting, I know the pain seems unbearable..but I also know your faith in your God, and in Him all things are possible.... Dear Lord... I don't pretend to understand. I don't know why we endure this pain, but I do know that you are an amazing God. I pray that you will comfort Faithey today at this very trying time. Lord, give her peace, to know that you have a great and awesome plan for her and her family. Bless her for staying strong in her faith. Lord, please guide her husband back to you. Lord let him seek a deep relationship with you so that he can know your love and what you desire for him and for their marriage and family. Lord, wrap your arms around Faithey..let her feel you love and arms around her as she feels so alone..In Jesus' name I pray Amen.. Hugs~
I don't pretend to understand. I don't know why we endure this pain, but I do know that you are an amazing God. I pray that you will comfort Faithey today at this very trying time. Lord, give her peace, to know that you have a great and awesome plan for her and her family. Bless her for staying strong in her faith. Lord, please guide her husband back to you. Lord let him seek a deep relationship with you so that he can know your love and what you desire for him and for their marriage and family. Lord, wrap your arms around Faithey..let her feel you love and arms around her as she feels so alone..In Jesus' name I pray Amen..
LOOK for His answer, Faith; ask him for a heart that believes Him, seeks Him, ANTICIPATES His work in your life, that trusts Him with anything about this fire you're going through--EVEN the idea that you won't see your prize until you step into eternity (NOT that I'm praying that result into your life! Just wanting you to remember that even if that were the worst that were to happen, God WILL blow away any tear being produced by this nonsense. In the meantime, as God changes YOU, He's going to USE you on your husband, in His way, in His time.....for His glory. Cry out to Him, as I cry out with you, and the rest here praying for you. He's going to answer--that's just how He is!
FAITHEY: Thank you so very much. Its a blessing to have you praying. I am so low right now. Just reading your post made me cry. My husband feels God does not want him to be unhappy. He feels that is a good enough reason not to stay. He said that he should not stay because of the kids. If they are not a good enought reason that what is. He has no justifiable reason to divorce me. I am far from perfect and fall short of God's glory, but I have never been unfaithful to him. He told me he never wanted to divorce me. Although people pressured him to, he could not. He could not understand why he always wants to come back home to me. He says he feels loved and safe with me. I'm at work and cannot focus. I am scarred to go home this afternoon and find that he may not be there. I'm so worried about my boys. I love them so very much. I could never hurt them in this manner. I was and am willng to work on our marriage. I just don't understand why. Faithey
