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My wife is going through some personal emotional and spiritual issues that have greatly affected our marriage.  I love her very much and am standing by her all the way.  However, our sex life is non-existant at this point.  I have always had a high sex drive and at times in the past, my wife has tried to meet them, even though she wasn't interested.  My primary love language is physical touch, so I enjoy hugging and kissing her and being affectionate.  But at the same time, I get sexually aroused.  As you guys know, sexual arousal without discharge can be very uncomfortable.  She has made it clear that she is not willing to participate in that at this time.

So, my question is - would I be sinning if I masterbated during this period of time my wife is going through?  I'm not talking about surfing for porn or videos or that stuff.  My eyes are only for my wife and my loins are burning!  Any advice?

While there is no specific Biblical prohibition on masturbation, it almost always leads to sin of some sort.

The problem in your case that I can see is that it is easier than working to resolve whatever the issue with your wife is, and will always be easier than what's involved with real sex with her. So it would be very easy to fall into a habit of "taking care of yourself" even after she's gotten better.

Arousal without release will not kill or injure you. If it's that uncomfortable, a cold shower or a bag of frozen peas works wonders. Intense physical exercise helps too, not with the immediate problem of unfulfilled arousal but with the excess energy in general.

The only way I'd even remotely suggest that masturbation was workable is if she knew about it and approved. Part of the problem with that though is that it will then, in the future, be easier for her to just say "take care of it yourself".


 But here's the thing. When you talk about her meeting your needs even when she's not interested, I get the sense that maybe she's felt pressured all along. If that pressure is removed, her desire is likely to go up dramatically.

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Chaz345

Thank you for your response.  It's my wife's issues she is going through, not mine.  I am still loving her as best I can, but she has a heavy emotional and spiritual burden she is dealing with.  I would much rather make love with her than "take care of myself".

No her desire has not gone up dramatically.  It may be a hormonal thing, at least she thinks it is.  She talked to a friend who thinks it may be pre-menopausal.  I have my suspicions, as my wife is only 34.  Seems a little early for that to start.

I appreciate your comments, though...

When I talked about her desire going up I was speaking in terms of if her reluctance has or had anything at all to do with feeling pressured by you, then backing off for a while may improve things.

34 is early for pre-menopause, but it's not unheard of. The question then becomes, what, if anything is she going to do about it? Clearly her taking a "oh well that's just the way it is" attitude would be unacceptable. Does she have plans to visit the doctor about this issue?

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Chaz345

If she had felt pressure, she has not expressed it.  She has wanted to take care of my needs previously, even when she's not in the mood.

As for the pre-menopause, she would like to go see a doctor about it, but she's a stay at home mom and I've been out of work for 8 months, so we have no medical insurance, nor can we afford to pay out of pocket.

Masturbation in and of itself is not sin.  There are things that are almost always associated with masturbation that are sin, porn, lust, sinful fantasies, etc.  The thing is that you're going to be less resistant to some of those things w/o physical release.

IF you have the self-control to avoid the sinful behavior there is no reason why you cannot as long as your wife agrees that it is OK.

JMO,
KW

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In marriage you either grow up or grow apart. It's your choice.

 If masturbation helps why do you need a wife?  

daves7days:

 If masturbation helps why do you need a wife?  

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my point is that masterbation is a poor counterfiet for the real thing. One study says it is only one forth as satifying as real sex. Therefore, you neeed to masterbate four times to get the same benifit. Real sex has a tremendous theraputic effect and happily married people are said to live longer.
your wife, like most wives, desperately need satifying sex. And it is your job to see she stays sexually healthy. if fact her needs are really more important than yours. You should forget about yourself and begin praying she is sexually satisfied in every way. And of course, being her husband, God will use YOU to bring it about. This is a biblical principle that your own needs are met when you met the needs of others.
But that is only the physical side. you can love her spiritually.