Have the two of you made a pledge to each other that you will NOT get a divorce?
I'm not talking about your marriage vows. I'm talking about right now, in the midst of the troubles you're having.
The two of you should sit down, acknowledge that your relationship is tough and you don't know right now how to fix everything, but both vow to keep working on your marriage, vow to stand by your commitment to each other and not consider or ever threaten divorce.
The two of you can make it through a LOT of fights if you're both committed to your marriage. In fact, you'll make it through every fight.
But I believe that if you come together and pledge to stay married and work through all problems, and as you both grow more to trust that, you'll both find you have a different perspective on disagreements and how you handle them.
I lived for years with my wife relatively often threatening separation or divorce. In the heat of those moments, it caused me to back off (even when I thought or knew I was right) and to try to do anything to avoid separation. But that only grew to resentment and bitterness. It was only recently that my wife FINALLY made the commitment to stop making those threats.
She'd used the threats to try to bring crazy fighting cycles to an end. She believed those threats were sometimes the only thing that would cause me to stop and listen to her. I finally reached a point that I was no longer afraid of the threats - if she wanted to leave, I couldn't stop her - but at the same time I made clear the significant damage she'd done to our marriage by creating an environment for me of absolutely ZERO security or assurance. All the while, SHE wanting her own sense of security. Its a long complicated dynamic that took place over years and years of marital troubles. My point is, insecurity can cause serious damage to a marriage and greatly affect your ability to resolve problems together.
Your lack of feeling secure is important and you need to talk to your husband about it and the two of you need to declare in no uncertain terms your commitments to stay married to each other.
Love God; Love people.
Seek first to understand before you seek to be understood.
Step 1: Toast the Poptart.
