FamilyLife Forums

I have been married for 14 yrs, My husband is a awesome provider great dad. But Him and I have no communication at all, He has never had any respect for me ever! his family has been extremly cruel to me from day one and he has never stood of up for me. We were married shortly after we started dating. Unfortunatly I have no love for him. We have 4 children and if they were not in the picture I would be gone. Like many of you ladies have complained of your husbands, I have had a emotional affair throught phone/texting with a past lover. I want to work things out with my husband but staying with him for my kids is this wrong??? Any one else in this situation?? I need help, I am in the midst of getting a counselor. Him and i have discussed this at length and he knows he has a problem with talking and has attempted at changing but it seems so fake.

Perhaps, since he is trying to improve his communication skills, you could try an exercize.  Both of you get a pad of paper and remember back to when you were dating.  Why did you get married?  What were the things that you really enjoyed about each other?  What are your partner's strong points?  What do you admire about each other?

Write down your answers and then read them to each other.  It might seem kind of simple, or even dumb, but try it anyway.  See what happens.

I would also suggest praying that God can help you love him again.  A year ago, I was in your shoes... I did not love my husband, had an emotional affair with someone via email, but had two kids and did not want to destroy them.  I had to get rid of the emotional affair.  But, even then, I did not love my husband.  In fact, just before leaving our children with my parents before taking off on our 10 year anniversary trip, I sat at the table with my mom and told her how much I just did not want to spend a whole week with my husband.

God has worked a miracle in my heart.  I love my husband more today than I probably ever have.  The week alone helped tremendously.  We went on a Christian cruise... forced to be with each other all the time, but also had wonderful growth lessons throughout the week.  I highly recommend it!  It wasn't designed particularly for marriages, but still helped us strengthen our walk with Christ which by default strengthens our walk with each other.

Keep praying and keep your eyes on God.  He never promised it would be easy, but He is not going to sacrifice you.  He can help you grow through this time and your marriage will be stronger than ever expected or anticipated.  Keep going.

I truly feel for you as I am going through an excruciating time with my husband and family.  You can read my post "Beyond Frustrated". 

I can only advise you to end your "emotional affair" if you haven't allready.  As much as we women need validation that someone cares about us and our feelings, "emotional affairs" are just a "band-aid" solution that hurt things even more in the long run.  Do you have any close women friends or relatives that you can lean on? 

Staying with your husband just for your kids is DEFINITELY not wrong.  They need both of you and for you to be together more than you can imagine.  I think counseling is an awesome idea and I pray that things go well for you.

I constantly remind myself of the vow I made before God and my family on our wedding day.  For better, for worse--even though things are worse right now, if we follow through with the promises we made, God will honor that and with His help, the love will return.  Pray it and expect it in Jesus' name.