FamilyLife Forums

This is my first time posting anything on here so I'm not sure about all the details I need to give.

I have been saved for almost two years now and my wife re-devoted herself to Christ at about the same time. Since then we have taken long, hard looks at our life and everything in it to see what is honoring of God and what isn't.  We have done tons of spiritual house cleaning and gotten rid of tons of movies and music and other odds and ends that we feel don't honor God.

When we get to the topic of sex though, there is a whole lot of confusion. We aren't really sure what is and is not "allowed."  The topic has come up a lot lately because we are expecting our first child and the whole 6 weeks with no sex after the birth conversation has come up quite a few times.  We both come from what we like to call "heathen" backgrounds and, regrettably, have some experience in sexual acts that we now know are not ok. But I guess my question is this...

Does anyone know of any material out there that actually lists the things that are ok to do aside from actual intercourse? Books, articles, etc.? I've tried looking things up on multiple websites but only seem to come across things like "why sex is important" or something that doesn't really help.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks and God bless.

I hate to say it, but you pose a question that can't be answered the way you want. I come from a Roman Catholic background that supports intercourse as the only mode of orgasm, but encourages couples to find other "creative" ways to express physical intimacy during what we call "abstinence periods". In a perfect world that would be the way to go and I encourage you to try to utilize your creative energies for both of you. Having a child takes a lot out of a couple, each in a different way. Your wife may find "physical satisfaction" simply from you getting up with the baby in the middle of the night, or giving her a foot/back rub, whereas you will likely desire something different. A book my wife and I found helpful is called "Sheet Music" by Kevin Leman, a Christian author. You can check out a peak of the book on amazon.com. In the end, you two need to come together OPENLY and set your feelings before each other and God and come to mutually agreed upon activities, if you have God in your hearts He won't stear you wrong.

www.themarriagebed.com

offers one couples opinion, backed with Scripture references as to what's OK and what's not from a Biblical standpoint.

In short is amounts to pretty much anything that both partners enjoy and agree to is OK.

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Chaz345

If this helps, the Bible cares less about what activities are done and more about who you're doing them with (i.e.: no prostitutes, family members, people you're not married to, same sex, etc.).

Paul also says that whatever is not of faith is sin, so if you and your wife can't in good faith do an activity without feeling guilty, then you need to refrain from that activity, whether the activity is really kinky or the activity is something simple like kissing.

Any specific lists you find will probably be very subjective and highly divergent simply because the Bible itself has no lists (except for a few Old Testament lists, and how the OT applies to modern Christians is also very subjective).  Look for guiding principles, not lists.

chaz345:

In short is amounts to pretty much anything that both partners enjoy and agree to is OK.

I'd phrase it a little differently.

Any non-sinful thing that both partners enjoy and agree to is OK.

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In marriage you either grow up or grow apart. It's your choice.