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Hey, if I could get some help/insite, I would appreiacte it. I have a 3 year old boy who really knows how to make me mad! lol
I'll tell him to do something, like come here, shut the fridge, don't play with this or that, and he'll freak out! He'll get really mad and cry and stomp his feet and tell me stuff like 'One more time!' or 'I want to do it!' I've tried spanking, time out, and just talking and trying to explain things to him. And I'll ask him 'When mommy tells you to do something what are you supossed to do?' He replies; "Do it!" if he knows this why isn't he doing it? :( He'll even hit me which in my eyes is a big no no.
Any sugestions or anything!?

YAHAMA82:

Hey, if I could get some help/insite, I would appreiacte it. I have a 3 year old boy who really knows how to make me mad! lol I'll tell him to do something, like come here, shut the fridge, don't play with this or that, and he'll freak out! He'll get really mad and cry and stomp his feet and tell me stuff like 'One more time!' or 'I want to do it!' I've tried spanking, time out, and just talking and trying to explain things to him. And I'll ask him 'When mommy tells you to do something what are you supossed to do?' He replies; "Do it!" if he knows this why isn't he doing it? :( He'll even hit me which in my eyes is a big no no. Any sugestions or anything!?

Consistency!  And LOTS of "positive reinforcement" (hugs, "good boy", "good job")  when you get the behaviors you want from him.  You may even try a "star" chart, letting him "earn" priveledges/treats for completing assigned tasks.  Also, I would TRY to ignore as much of the bad behaviors as possible....Pick your battles...if it's no danger to anyone, try to ignore it.  He obviously likes the attention he gets from you.  BUT, don't do his "jobs" for him....

Blessings!

bestofky

 

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"God is more interested in changing US than in changing our circumstances. If we allow God to change us, then He'll guide us in how to change our circumstances."

If we "deserved it", it would not be "MERCY".

YAHAMA82:

Hey, if I could get some help/insite, I would appreiacte it. I have a 3 year old boy who really knows how to make me mad! lol I'll tell him to do something, like come here, shut the fridge, don't play with this or that, and he'll freak out! He'll get really mad and cry and stomp his feet and tell me stuff like 'One more time!' or 'I want to do it!' I've tried spanking, time out, and just talking and trying to explain things to him. And I'll ask him 'When mommy tells you to do something what are you supossed to do?' He replies; "Do it!" if he knows this why isn't he doing it? :( He'll even hit me which in my eyes is a big no no. Any sugestions or anything!?

Well...for many three year olds, these kinds of outbursts are very normal for their developement.  The key is to bend it out of them. Ü 

I agree with Best's advice to try positive reinforcement...or catch him doing good...so that the drama of the battles become less fun for him, and the rejoicing over obedience becomes more rewarding.

If he does anything (even the smallest tiny thing) that you ask him to do, *flip* out in your praise! Ü The sillier the better! Ü Scoop him up in your arms, twirl around the kitchen floor, kiss his chubby little face and tell him how proud you are that he chose to obey.  Remind him that God cares about his choices too and that when he obeys you, He is pleasing Jesus! Ü

Hope this helps a bit...good luck...and congrats!  You have been blessed with a strong willed child!  I have four of my own.  They are a blessing, trying, funny, challenging, and keep you in your toes, for sure!

 

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2 Timothy 2:15
Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

YAHAMA82:

Hey, if I could get some help/insite, I would appreiacte it. I have a 3 year old boy who really knows how to make me mad! lol I'll tell him to do something, like come here, shut the fridge, don't play with this or that, and he'll freak out! He'll get really mad and cry and stomp his feet and tell me stuff like 'One more time!' or 'I want to do it!' I've tried spanking, time out, and just talking and trying to explain things to him. And I'll ask him 'When mommy tells you to do something what are you supossed to do?' He replies; "Do it!" if he knows this why isn't he doing it? :( He'll even hit me which in my eyes is a big no no. Any sugestions or anything!?

Consistency is key, and I think someone already said that, lol. 

So, your rule is that he shuts the fridge.  When he shuts the fridge, thank him and remind him that that is the big boy thing to do, because it keeps the contents - name things in the fridge that he likes - nice and cold. 

If you don't want him to play with something, and it can be moved, move it out of his reach.  Seriously!  I have saved so much time and energy dealing with this struggle with my kids when they were little.  In the end, I removed everything breakable from their grasp, or anything that I didn't want them to mess with.  But if it can't be moved, then the rule is that he can't touch it, because ... [reason].  When he does try to touch it, remind him "mommy said you can't teach x because y" and let him know that if he continues to touch it, you will have to remove a privilege or a toy.  Then follow through.  Seriously.  I have heard so many parents say "if you do that again I'll spank you/put you to bed" etc. and then the child does it again and the parent doesn't follow through.  Not saying that is you!  But you must do what you said you would do, so make the threat something manageable - the removal of a favorite toy perhaps, or no tv (if he watches tv) for a set length of time, and have him watch the clock with you (an extra teaching moment there!) or use a timer.  Your son is old enough to sit in time out.  They say a minute for every year of age, so 3 minutes at a time. 

For him hitting you .. that needs to be major time out.  Just a firm "you do not hit mommy" and place him firmly in time out and make him stick to it.  Then he should apologize to you.  He should always apologize after time out, and be forgiven. 

There are sure to be more meltdowns/freak outs when you instigate changes and become firm with him but I can promise you that the meltdowns will be worth bearing with because, long term, he will learn that you mean what you say.

I honestly wouldn't waste my breath with long explanations, btw.  I don't mean don't talk to him, but don't spend a whole bunch of time going over and over why he can't leave the fridge open, and why he can't touch things.  Tell him once, tell him firmly, then don't discuss it any more.  When you continue to engage with him, you are rewarding him with more and more attention, and that's what he wants more than anything. 

As for spanking - I have to say that I am firmly against spanking.  One reason that children hit back is because they are being hit and they don't understand that it is fair for you to hit them, but not for them to hit you.  I stopped spanking a long time ago, and our three boys are none the worse for it.  We punish them with time outs/grounding/removal of toys/games etc.  I'm not saying that you have to do what I did, but I'm just saying that is how I feel about that subject. 

Good luck!  Be consistent .. be firm .. be fair.  :)  It works out, honestly!

I agree with all the wonderful advice so far.One other thing dont let him see you are visibly frustrated.You have to be the calm one.

And consistency as everyone has noted is definately key.You said you tried this and that..if he is 3 you put him in time out for 3 minutes..run a timer and then once the child has stayed in the time out for 3 minutes you explain BRIEFLY why they were put in time out and ask for an apology then give him a hug and a kiss and I love you.Every time he gets up out of the chair before the time up is out..put him back in the chair and say Im resetting the timer.Dont say anything else..Dont lecture him while he is in time out..do not interact with him at all unless its to put him back in the chair.If he is really defiant I'll be honest you may have to take as much as an hour(or even longer) to accomplish this.But what you are teaching him is you are consistant and not wishy washy and he can not manipulate you or wear you down.HE will eventually get tired of not winning.LOL!..He will get bored with the game he is playing.He'll figure out its not going to work..and just do as you say more times than not.

Also I agree about the spanking..I dont think spanking teaches the child anything but not to trust you and conflicting messages about violence as well as resorting to physical violence as a way to deal with conflict.Because I dont care what anyone says..Most parents swat the childrern out of frustraition..and its quick and easy and quite frankly the lazy way to discipline and it at best it may temporarily get them in line but in the long run the new studies are indicating they are less well behaved than children who are disciplined without the use of corporal.The children dont learn as well how to think things through and reason and make compromises.

Also as others have pointed out if you are constantly telling him "no' or scolding him for something wrong then the whole relationship ends up being like a war of the wills rather than love and respect.FIND opportunities to prasise him.Say please and THANK YOU!!!  Even over small things like cooperating when you put on his clothes..I do that with my 17 month old grandbaby..'One arm in ..THANK YOU..another arm in ..THANK YOU!!We are done Thank you!!!You want to fill him up with positives he will be eager to please you.

Also dont over use discipline (the time outs).PICK your battles.Sometimes a "Im very dissapointed in you please dont do that again " is enough.And sometimes you will realize as well you are upset about somethign that really isnt that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.Its like this whole negative atmoshere that we create without realizign it.Like the saying "dont cry over spilt milk".Seriously..If your child spills something how many parents throw their hands up in the air and scold the child  like its the end of the world?Its an ACCIDENT! Could happen to anyone.So you say ..UH OH ..Its O.K not a big deal we just will have to clean that up.That even happens to me sometimes.

Redirection..if he isnt allowed to say get in the fridge instead of just sayign NO!  Say I can not let you get get in there but HERE you can hold this or play with this ..or if you will stop doing that I will color with you..etc...It could be he is just trying to get your attention.If you are busy at the moment promise that when you are done you will play with him(coloring ..read a book to him ..put a puzzle together ) when you are finished.

 

Everyone has already told you all of this..Including just plain old ignoring him if he flops on the floor and starts kicking and screaming..Say I dont care....go right on ahead. when you are finished let me know I'll be in the (fill in the blank room).and walk away..or go about what you are doing.(even start whisteling or singing to yourself as if he isnt in the room).

You can't use the harshest punishment for every bad behavior.It will end up the whole day is spent being punished or disciplined and it will lose its affect when you really need it.Like hitting you.Reserve time outs for things like that.

Also again as someone else mentioned.Your child is completely normal and healthy.I would be more concerned if at 3 years old he followed every rule and obeyed you like a robot and was always completely calm.He is supposed to be curious about the world and push it to the limits as to what he can experience.And its normal for him to express very outwardly all the wide range of emotions we experience.We have just learned over many many many years how to control them better.Or at least how to contol how we express them.

Love

Dallas