FamilyLife Forums

Hey buddy, are you still around? You've given me some great advice before and I could really use some now.

I'm still here, not everyday, I'm not even sure why I dropped by today. What's going on with you?

Nothing new here.  I'm still as lost as ever. My advice may be like the blind leading the blind.

I hear ya about being lost. I'm still struggling with my future ex and trying to find God's wisdom and purpose in all of this. I've spent the past month or 2 drifting in and out of his graces. Every time I start to feel like things will be okay I start drifting from Him and fall into my old lustful ways. I'm starting to get the picture and realizing that I can do nothing without Him though. Slowly but surely I'm getting better at following His path.

One thing that I'm really struggling with is completely trusting in Him. I know He uses all things, good and bad, for His good will. But I just don't see how He could do any good other than saving my marriage. I asked my future ex to keep away from some places in town because I didn't want to run into her with another guy. She told me that she wasn't dating and that the only things that she was focusing on where her kids and her church. And the other day, I picked up that baby and her car died. So I went home, grabbed the jumpers and came back to get her car going. She was crying and I told her that God still loved her and was surrounding her with people to help her. I also told her that I was praying for her (that really got her crying). The next time I met her to get the baby, she gave me a bag of candy and stuff that she put together for me. Now, I'm seeing these things as signs that she's actually starting to warm up to me and maybe see that things aren't as bad as they seemed in our marriage. Then everything shattered - I was on the internet and decided to go to match.com to see who was out there. I would never sign up for it or try to contact people - I'm still married after all. But when I went to the site, there she was - fully detailed and well manicured profile with multiple pictures and everything. I was / am devastated. I guess this means it really is over. I don't see how God could let this happen and why he would allow me to find out this way. How could He bless her and allow her to go down this road? I know if I did it He would give me a good hard "correction" that would bring me right back to my knees. Why doesn't he do the same for her? I don't see a way out of this sorrow, I don't think He can/will fix me without restoring my marriage. I just don't see how.

I know you've gone through some of this as well. Got any suggestions?

Sailfin,my brother,

I rode that roller coaster for about 4 years... I lay it at God's feet, then pick it back up again, still do sometimes.

 I was looking for every little hint that she might be warming up to me. Made sure I was praying and fasting hard enough. Reading the right scriptures, sending money to the right tv preachers, trying to get my seed planted. I visited alot of prayer chain websites.

I still get on her face book page and see who is on there. I think we are just torchering ourselves when we do that. My ex has a picture of her boyfriend. It makes me feel jealous and insignificant and angry. arrrrggg! there is no peace when I do google search her. I used to interogate the kids for information, not a good idea, placing them in the middle of this.

Now this is just my opinion so take it for that and I am not trying to offend anyone. I have a real problem with the name it claim it bunch and the charasmatics who say to "speak as though things were..." believing the our Father will do anything we want Him to, and also those who speak to the devil and try and cast him out. I tried all of this. Now I have learned through my experiences, it is my opinion that God will do anything He wants. We can try to pursuade Him and I believe He wants us to, but eventually we have to give in and Just TRUST our wonderful Father who loves us beyond anything we can imagine. ps103 is my crutch at the moment.

None of my divorce made any sense until I told God He could do whatever He wanted to with my marriage, family and life. I had no peace until I was able to thank Him for my divorce, the wasted years, my messed up kids, etc. knowing that whatever happens He is going to take care of me.

It may not be over for you. Do everything you can and then simply STAND and see what God will do. He may answer they way you want, who knows the mind of God?  Trust that God knows what He is doing. I still struggle, hang in there my brother we are works in progress. DON'T run yourself ragged. take care of YOU. Don't give her all of the control. Don't let her have the house and car and all of your paycheck just because she cries. They look soo sweet and we want them to love us so badly we give them everything. You got to be a rock. Fair but firm. Your wife is battling in her own mind at the moment, she can't be trusted. It's all emotion.

another website link

http://gracefordivorce.org/faqs.htm