FamilyLife Forums

I readily admit that I am a "pro-adopter", someone that has adopted and sees the huge and incredible blessing that adoption can be to any family.  When I look at my son - now 4 years old - it's tough to think about how life would be without him around.  Although the Lord has blessed us with 3 biological kids, He has done a great thing in our family, opening our eyes to so much beyond what we could otherwise ever expect to enjoy.

All that being said, my question to those that are not looking down that path is simple: Why not adopt?  Have you seriously considered it as an alternative?  And if not, why not?

This is not meant to be a slam on those that have purposefully considered it and decided it was not God's leading, but is a means to initiate dialogue around the basic decision-making process.

Blessings!

It's hard for me to answer this question since I just adopted my beautiful twin baby girls.  I can only speculate reasons.  I know a friend of mine desperately wants to adopt but can't because her husband doesn't feel he could love a non-biological child like he does his bio son.  She's praying for God to work in his heart.  Others may "want" to adopt but can't because of finances.  But like I said, I could only speculate.  Adoption has always been close to my heart.  Like you, I can't imagine my life without my babies.  Not to mention we have a good relationship with their bmom.  She is a beautiful woman and we are blessed to have gotten to know her.  This has been a wonderful blessing in our lives and God is using this not just in our lives but in the lives of our friends and family who don't even know Him.

I think a lot of people are afraid to enter into adoption.  The fear that the baby might be "given back" or that the adoption might fall through...and the fear of the "problems" that might arise if one adopts out of the foster care system.

As an example; when we were in the process and waiting for our dd, we got a call from our worker about a three year old girl, whose adoptive mother no longer wanted her because she felt the child had an attachment disorder and didn't love her (the mother) enough. :(  Broke my heart.  I wept for *days* over that little girl and prayed endlessly for her.  I never heard what ended up happening...sad.  I had several well meaning people try and "warn" us to be careful and ask if we had really thought through bringing a child "like that" into our lives. :( 

The adoption workers did pull no punches at our home-study and painted a pretty bleak picture of what baggage a child from the system carries with them.  It did make us question if we were made of tough enough stuff...

I also think that cost is a factor in adoption.  My dh and I always wanted to adopt, but just figured that we never could because of how much private adoption costs.  We were delighted to find that adoption through fost/adopt was *much* less costly monetarily.

Adoption has been a wonderful blessing in our family. A roller coaster through the process, but a blessing none the less. I wouldn't trade my sweet lil' one for the world!  We got her at 21 days old, and so we are all she knows. She knows that she is adopted and how *GLAD* we are to have her come and "finish our family".  My dh and I were hugging and being goofy on the couch a few weeks ago, she rushed over to us saying, "ooooh, a family hug!" and dog piled on us, squeezing us with all her might.  She tried really hard to convince her brothers and sister to come join us in our family hug. Ü She then sighed and said, "Ahh, family!  I am *REALLY* glad to have one, you know?"

Just precious.

 

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2 Timothy 2:15
Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

Yeah, I imagine those are the main reasons why so many couples don't want to adopt:  law and money.

 

I say law because of the legal red tape.  I had friend who decided that he and his wife would adopt a child from some agency.  He said "I knew there would be a foot or two of red tape..."  But after it was over (6 months later) he said "It turned out to be a mile....". 

Also, there is the fear that the birth parents (or mother in some cases I have read) will get the child back.  This has happened.  Here is the best article I have read about this in some time:

          

I've not adopted before, but my husband has expressed an interest. He mentioned the bible speaks of adoption alot and that we are 'adopted' into the family of God, that it is one of the greatest things you can do.

I'm not against, but I'm not ready to dive into it either. We are a blended family, his children are grown, mine are 16 and 13. I've had alot of problems with my ex husband and son and I've suffered alot of abuse at their expense-my ex was a spousal rapist, a verbal and emotional abuser to me and son, and got physical with son on numerous occasions.

I wanted out as I was miserable, in a church that the doctrine said all the people who aren't in their 'religion' are worshipping in vain and are condemed already. I did it to protect myself and my son.

As it turned out, my ex turned my son against me and it just got ugly. As a result I have PTSD (post traumatic stress) and anxiety.

I get angry at times due to my ex, as I feel I got gyped out of alot of good years with my kids when they were little, as the stress was always there, it was just take one day at a time and now all those days are so numerous.

My husband now is a great man of God. He worries that I shouldn't have anymore biological children, as I've had nothing but problems with my 'female parts' for years, I feel like the woman with the 'issue of blood'. I'm probably facing a hystectomy in the near future. He doesn't want to put my body through that, and I can see where he is coming from.

So yesterday when he brought up the adoption I was floored. I stayed silent and just pondered things in my heart and didn't give my thoughts on it yet.

I'm mainly just concerened at the 'drama' that still exists with my ex, my age-I'm 37, and what I've been through. I work full time and would love the opportunity to stay home for the first few years as I never got that with my first two. I'd love the opportunity to work around my child's schedule when they start school. That has never happened before.

I know the Lord knows knows our hearts desires when we express them to Him. I know He works things out in ways we cannot imagine. I guess I'm mainly seeking prayers and His guidance and just wanted to share.

I'm not sure how to feel about it, how long to wait to act, or if even to.