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Thank you BcauseHeLives. In my weakness His strength is complete. So I do not boast about myself, but about God, His lovingkindness, His mercy, His grace. It is to His glory I am able to stand.
My favorite scripture in the bible is Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
I walk by faith even when I cannot see.
Keep on walkin, your on the right path, AND headed the right way. Something all of us could learn from as we occasionally wander off into the weeds and bushes.
Its mighty cool for me to read your steadfast faith, and thats not taking joy in your pain, well, in a way, but an appropriate way. You are an example....regardless that you tap Christs strength, you had to do the tapping...dont sell yourself short.
Thank you Library Mom. I always stand in awe of God and His wonderous ways. To hear that you and Renae had felt led to pray for my prior to knowing what was going on is so comforting. I love the Lord so very much.
Thank you for keeping my husband in prayer. He really needs all the prayers that can be sent his way. Thank you!
Thanks DIC. I appreciate it that.
I wonder what testimony could I ever be to someone else. But I pray that God would have His way with me. And if my life, my trials, my testimony could be a blessing to another than that in of itself is a blessing. If I could comfort another who is walking the path that I have been on, I would gladly do so.
Thank you Renae.
Am I selfish? I'm struggeling right now.
The OW is obviously at the hospital. When he called last night, it was from her phone I now know. She is at his side, at his request. She is overseeing his medical care. I feel sad and angry all at the same time. I have stood by his side for all these years. And now I feel discarded. I realize that due to his disorder he may not be making all the right decisions right now. But I think, when he gets better, he will feel indebted to her for being there by his side. I wonder what he will do then, what he will decide then.
I still maintain that his mental health is the priority. Yet I have an array of emotions. So many questions? So many whys? I feel it is so unfair. It is difficult going through the day not knowing how he is doing, what he is feeling, what is going on. We always did everything together. We were so unseparable. Perhaps I think too much on how we were.
Please don't jump down my throat right now. I'm hurting a great deal. Perhaps, I should ignore my feelings and thoughts on the matter for the time being. This is just really difficult right now. I'm truly hurting. I know God is with me. I just feel so in limbo right now.
Sister, with all due respect .... you said this just a few hours ago.
"And yes, I expect this woman to be 100% out of my life permanently. That will be insisted on. The only three to be in a marriage is God, husband and wife."
When is your expectation that the OW will be out of your life permanently? Why is she still at the hospital with your husband while you are sitting elsewhere? When will you insist on her leaving?
Faithey, you are engaging in circular reasoning and wishful thinking. Is his mental health's progress really predicated on this woman remaining in the picture?
Sister, one of you is going to have to step up. It's not gonna be him, at least for the short term. Do you have a pastor?
Faithey, please accept this as some encouragement. I am praying for you.
Psalm 119
105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.
106 I have taken an oath and confirmed it, that I will follow your righteous laws.
107 I have suffered much; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your word.
108 Accept, O LORD, the willing praise of my mouth, and teach me your laws.
109 Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law.
110 The wicked have set a snare for me, but I have not strayed from your precepts.
111 Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart.
112 My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end.
Calvin, as you recall, in the midst of his crisis he chose her to take him to the hospital and asked that I not be involved. I don't want to go into the hospital and cause a scene. This not what he needs right now.
When he is well enough, he and I will sit down and have a talk. And then, either we move forward or we don't.
With that said, it does not mean that I do not struggle. I do. And I hurt.
FAITHEY:Am I selfish? I'm struggeling right now. The OW is obviously at the hospital. When he called last night, it was from her phone I now know. She is at his side, at his request. She is overseeing his medical care. I feel sad and angry all at the same time. I have stood by his side for all these years. And now I feel discarded. I realize that due to his disorder he may not be making all the right decisions right now. But I think, when he gets better, he will feel indebted to her for being there by his side. I wonder what he will do then, what he will decide then. I still maintain that his mental health is the priority. Yet I have an array of emotions. So many questions? So many whys? I feel it is so unfair. It is difficult going through the day not knowing how he is doing, what he is feeling, what is going on. We always did everything together. We were so unseparable. Perhaps I think too much on how we were. Please don't jump down my throat right now. I'm hurting a great deal. Perhaps, I should ignore my feelings and thoughts on the matter for the time being. This is just really difficult right now. I'm truly hurting. I know God is with me. I just feel so in limbo right now.
