1yearin2this:in response to how i'm being made to feel as a fool from a couple of these posts...I will be leaving my husband, since people seem to think he's a liar, and a pornographic addict! I've posted exactly what he has said to me, and I've posted that I believe what he tells me, then I'm made out to be a fool by some! I don't know what I should do next - should I give him a lie-detector test?!?
so, i'm not sure if it's the Lord leading me, but moreso, being made to feel (from some one here) like I should leave the relationship!!!
I came to this website for some suggestions, not to be made feel like I'm this wonderful wife, married to a horrible husband, as some of you are making it sound that he is!
This will be my last post.
I really think "some" of you should think prior to posting - there is a right way and a wrong way to respond. Making the me feel like I am married to a liar, and being "hostile", in my eyes, is the wrong way of going about it. Like my username says, I'm only a year into my marriage - -I've never been married before, and don't understand sex like some other postees on here do = I'm not as "experienced"!
To the others who have been kind, thank you!
PLEASE do NOT leave your husband because of advice you received here.....we are just "people", like you, and are fallible. (And I find it completely unprofessional and deplorable that your gynecologist REFUSED to discuss it with you.....I'd be finding another gynecologist PRONTO! IMO, there was NO excuse for her behavior! If it was something that she considered only porn-stars do....then she should have said so point-blank and offered suggestions to for alternate activities to your husband).
If your husband only had "experience" with the one other woman, who was obviously MORE experienced than he was, I can understand how he "could" think that "all women are the same and enjoy the same activities". I find NOTHING wrong with him ASKING you about what you find enjoyable in the bedroom....in fact, I find it admirable. If however, he seems to be DICTATING or FORCING you to ENGAGE in activities that you find physically painful or emotionally uncomfortable to you, or trying to COERCE you into performing these activities by playing the "you are to submit to me" card......well, that's a different story all together and is definitely a "red flag". But even so, that does not mean that this issue is beyond resolution. Love, patience, and understanding, and forgiveness, should be paramount in your relationship.
From what you have said, I believe your husband truly loves you and the Lord, and I KNOW that you love the Lord and your husband.
In my opinion, your husband needs to "grow up" and not focus on his OWN pleasure. But my goodness, I dare say we ALL go into marriage with unrealistic expectations. Right now, he may "seem" to be a sex addict (even if it is only with you).....BUT most men LEARN (or are TAUGHT by the wife) to tone this down, especially after a few years of marriage and other responsibilities.
My advice to you is to be totally HONEST with him. Tell and assure him that you DO enjoy making love with him and tell him EXACTLY what really pleases YOU......if it is soft, slow, gentle, and lingering kisses and touches from him.....TELL and GUIDE him. Remember, your husband is in this "learning process" just like you are. TRY not to feel threatened by his requests.
Again, I recommend that you read the book, "Sheet Music" together.
Love and prayers!
bestofky
"God is more interested in changing US than in changing our circumstances. If we allow God to change us, then He'll guide us in how to change our circumstances."
If we "deserved it", it would not be "MERCY".
