A Christian organization helping couples build healthier marriages and families.
So, I was right. There apparently HAVE been others surging Faithey to quit doing the very things that have led up to today. Now, we have a "crisis" that was inevitable given the seriousness of the actions from BOTH Faithey and her husband. The proverbial car has been weaving down the road for years, some bystanders have tried to intervene, and now the car finally crashes and we have the wreck.
Meanwhile, the kids are still sitting in the backseat.
I would hope that Faithey can see this as a red letter day for both spouses. This is her chance to finally wake up and smell the coffee.
I'm still wondering where she got the "whispering" that told her she could be this codependent. If she is honest to share that ..... then we have located the rat .... and if she will allow us .... perhaps we can smoke it out and exterminate it.
May God direct your steps & guard your heart Faithey. I pray that God would give you righteous decernment, an ability to see His plan for you & your family.
CalvinHobbs: So, I was right. There apparently HAVE been others surging Faithey to quit doing the very things that have led up to today. Now, we have a "crisis" that was inevitable given the seriousness of the actions from BOTH Faithey and her husband. The proverbial car has been weaving down the road for years, some bystanders have tried to intervene, and now the car finally crashes and we have the wreck. Meanwhile, the kids are still sitting in the backseat. I would hope that Faithey can see this as a red letter day for both spouses. This is her chance to finally wake up and smell the coffee. I'm still wondering where she got the "whispering" that told her she could be this codependent. If she is honest to share that ..... then we have located the rat .... and if she will allow us .... perhaps we can smoke it out and exterminate it.
I must admit, regardless who you are, you are doggedly determined to stay on your high horse about this and who gets hurt be *&^%ed.
Wow.
Even to the point of now an "I told you so" coming in.
Great work.
Her husband is not battling cancer or a major surgery or anything else presenting an immediate lifethreatening condition. He has a mental/physiological disorder that would have been diagnosed years ago if they both had been more proactive. Please ... let's separate out the illness from the involvement with the OW. Separate the issues. My problem here is not nearly so much with the illness and the way it was handled as it is the enableing of the adultery and the presence of two innocent kids.
The fact is this is a long-term adulterous situation and this OW has even been allowed into the house. She has exuded her influence and power over this man's wife. She has been permitted to do so. She has been permitted to manipulate and control. I don't care if hubby DOES have an incurable illness. That is no excuse for this adultery to have been enabled for this long. He is a cake eater ... period. The marriage covenant has been violated in the worst way.
At least some here have seen it and tried to address it before.
With all do respect anyone who says that bi-polar is not a life threatening illness is ignorant of the disease.
Good morning to all. I have had to opportunity to read all your responses. Thank you for the prayers and thoughts with regard to this matter.
I realize that from an outside perspective it may seem black and white. There are certainly times when it needs to be black and white. Many wonder why I have stood this long in the midst of this chaos. I want to tell you all that my husband has not been well throughout this time. We have encouraged, supported, insisted that he not only seek help, but that he stay the course prescribed to him that ensures his mental well being. He has started and stopped treatment several times. This only serves to worsen and aggravate his condition. Short of involuntarily admitting him to the hospital (where they would let him leave after a few days), one can not force him to take his meds, no matter who you are. It must come from him.
I will address the OW. I want to make it abundantly clear that I do not tolerate the adultery. Because of his disorder, because he has been deteriorating for the past two and half years, in every area of his life, because I was told that he would come to a breakdown and a crisis, I have prayed and felt led not to abandon him. With that said, there were boundaries that were placed. First with the children and then down every other area. This OW is not a part of my children's lives (I clarified earlier in the post that they may suspect, please read there). They do not visit him in OW house, etc. She is not in the picture, not in their presense.
I do not interact with the OW in any way, shape or form. She is not welcomed in my home, She is not a friend. Understand, that my husband was in the midst of a crisis. I choose to put aside any issues in that particular moment to ensure his well being. That was the priority at that moment and was certainly the right thing to do. I was not about to ensue a standoff stemming from issues, when he clealy was in his crisis. That would not have been the right thing to. Let me clarify it better, that would not have been the Godly thing to so.
I felt led not to abandon him during this time. With that said, I pray that my husband heals and becomes spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically well. When he has been stabalized for a period of time and is consistent with his treatment we will be addressing many things. It would be made abundantly clear that if he wants to heal, restore and reconcille this marriage, the OW must permanantly be deleted from his life. There are no ifs, ands, or buts to that situation.
I have no problem hearing the truth, I have no problem speaking the truth. But let us remember to always speak the truth in love.
My husband is in a hospital. He is locked down for 23 hours out of the 24 hours in the day. He is struggling. He not only needs the treatment/medication that they are providing, he also needs fervant prayer. This is not the time for ultimatums or a crucifixion of him. He unable to make any sound decisions at this time. The focus and priority are in making him well long term so that he may be able to make decisions, Godly decisions.
Last night he was able to make a call and he called me. We spoke for just a few minutes. I cannot begin to tell you the enormity of sadness and helplessness I feel watching someone that I love (and yes I love him) be ill. Knowing that he is freightened and confused and not be able to be there with him to comfort him. At this time, he cannot have any visitors. He needs to be there. I thank God he is there and receiving the help he so desperately needed.
There is a time and place for everthing. Again, his mental, spiritual, emotinal and physical well being is the priority at this time.
With all due respect, it only becomes that way if it is misdiagnosed or never addressed due to complacency and procrastination. In this particular case, hubby and wife did long-term procrastination .... while under the influence of the OW.
As has previously been mentioned, this was a train wreck waiting to happen. Even strangers on an internet site saw it and warned of it. Now, D Day has arrived and all of a sudden we have a few people aghast that it could have gone this far.
And the children are still belted in the backseat.
Faithey, please allow me to remind you of certain quotes from your original post .... that deal with this OW ....
"He has been living with the OW with whom he was committing adultery with. We reconcilled this past November and he left."
"He called the OW to come pick him up and take him to the hospital. I got on the phone with her and advised her that my only concern was for his well being and safety. I would put aside all other issues for his sake, I adivsed that I wanted to come along and be informed. My husband did not want me to go along and wanted me not to be involved at all. Especially if decisions needed to be made, I being his wife could legally make some decisions. She then advised that I was no longer his next of kin. I hung up and spoke to his sister and asked her to mediate the situation."
" I allowed the OW into my home, I humbly asked that I be kept informed. He was hesitant to leave. He told me how sorry he was for doing this to me. I assured him that what mattered most was him receiving the help he needed. She went into our room to help him put on his shirt."
"I cannot not begin to describe how broken and humiliated I felt. I have been by my husband's side for 21 years and now had to step outside and let this OW assist him in our home and drive him to the hospital."
"At the same time, I am hurt by his choosing the OW over me to take him to the hospital and listing her of his next kin."
Now, Faithey, you are backtracking and contradicting yourself. If you cannot see the influence and control of this adulteress over you and your home you are .... frankly .... deceived.
You will notice that I separated out the illness from the adultery. Even the worst alcoholic still has control over choices made. You cannot tell me that hubby didn't have lucid and emotionally controlled gaps when he knew right from wrong. Sorry, I don't buy it. I've dealt with bi-polar disorder in people and I know this to be true. We're not talking about a short-term thing here, Faithey. This has been going on for years.
Sister, you have every right and expectation to have this woman 100% out of your life. This should be insisted on!
Calvin, I to do not back track from my comments from my original post. That is how I felt. But in that particular instant, I chose to place his well being first. That was the right thing to do. Again, in that particular instant.
Calvin, I will also agree that my husband has had moments of lucid and emotionally controlled gaps when he knew right from wrong. That is absolute truth. Apart from his disorder, there is the sin that has entangled him so.
The path we have been on has been a long one. But I am thankful that my relationship with Christ has grown in a way I have never known before and that is a blessing. I have not always made the right choices, but have sought to pray my way through it in my deepest desire to honor and bring glory to God.
And yes, I expect this woman to be 100% out of my life permanently. That will be insisted on. The only three to be in a marriage is God, husband and wife.
CalvinHobbs:Faithey, the Lord will bless your efforts as you do the right thing.
Sigh...
Faithey...I just want to let you know that if through this horrible trial, your relationship with Christ has grown, deepened and become more real to you than before you walked in this desert place...God *is* blessing your efforts! The blessings may not come in the ways that human hearts can comprehend or even recognize, but they are there.
Lord, I ask that You would come along side Faithey in this time. Protect her and her children. Give them peace. Grant Faithey wisdom and courage to know the way to go, and the strength to follow You alone. I would ask that You restore this marriage, and remove all obsticles that stand in the way. Let Your will be done for your glory, Lord.
In Jesus name,
amen
PearsandGrapes: Faithey...I just want to let you know that if through this horrible trial, your relationship with Christ has grown, deepened and become more real to you than before you walked in this desert place...God *is* blessing your efforts! The blessings may not come in the ways that human hearts can comprehend or even recognize, but they are there. Lord, I ask that You would come along side Faithey in this time. Protect her and her children. Give them peace. Grant Faithey wisdom and courage to know the way to go, and the strength to follow You alone. I would ask that You restore this marriage, and remove all obsticles that stand in the way. Let Your will be done for your glory, Lord. In Jesus name, amen
Amen!! Standing in agreement. Faithey, I'm committed to praying for you & your family! I have watched you as you have journeyed throug this desert. I know that you are drawing on the Lord's strength because w/out it you wouldn't have been able to stand as long as you have! Your user name is so indicative of your heart!
divorce in church: CalvinHobbs:There is a natural guilt anytime we enable sin. This is a work of the Holy Spirit. It's a part of spiritual warfare. Choose to quit enabling the sin and then the Spirit is released to do His work. There SHOULD be a sense of guilt in this matter! Faithey and those precious kids deserve better than this, but Faithey has her role in being codependent. This is not a gender issue, lest anyone start whining about that. I'd say the exact same thing if the genders were reversed. I can agree with every word of that, and still insist that right NOW, this moment, is NOT the time. If you were walking around at a funeral doing this about the deceased, ramming whats "right" down everyones throat, while they grieved, it would be similar. Give it a day.
CalvinHobbs:There is a natural guilt anytime we enable sin. This is a work of the Holy Spirit. It's a part of spiritual warfare. Choose to quit enabling the sin and then the Spirit is released to do His work. There SHOULD be a sense of guilt in this matter! Faithey and those precious kids deserve better than this, but Faithey has her role in being codependent. This is not a gender issue, lest anyone start whining about that. I'd say the exact same thing if the genders were reversed.
I can agree with every word of that, and still insist that right NOW, this moment, is NOT the time.
If you were walking around at a funeral doing this about the deceased, ramming whats "right" down everyones throat, while they grieved, it would be similar. Give it a day.
