FamilyLife Forums

dallasapple:

Gabby50:

Volunteer work, especially if it's volunteer work for HIM. I remember you said something earlier about wanting time at home, by yourself to hang out. I don't blame you.

Aren't there men's groups at church he could join? Do'all hunt down thar in Texas? Maybe join some other dudes (or whatever ya'all are) for a manly game of golfin' or spittin'? He needs a hobby of his very own!!!

He is not going to volunteer.I mean I hate to say never..But ..and hobbies? No I've known him for over 26 years..We have been together (everyday basically) for 24 of that.His hobbies have been fishing(which I did with him because I like to fish too)..Gardening and salt water aquariums.He has no male friends or relationships and says he doesnt need or want any.He likes to watch sports not play them.I have done more physical sports activities even with the kids than he has.I love to bike ride..and I took the kids biking..He joined me.My now 19 year old(when he was 15) got into Muay ti kick boxing..I joined his class at 37 years old and kick boxed with him.

He doesnt like to hunt.He doesnt like to golf.His closest relationships are my family and mainly my first youngest sister.She and he get together to plan outings for the kids.

Its "just the way he is".

And really..there is nothing wrong with him.We are just different.Its just a lot of pressure him being the way he is on me.Especially because I feel like I have failed him .

His idea to solve the delima is for him to rent a "cheap office space"..to go to every morning(even though he doesnt need an office only a telephone)..and stay in a "cheap motel" every night.So I can have my "space".And for him to go to the $1 movie by himself for entertainment and eat alone.

What am I supposed to say to that?I feel like a piece of crap.

I regret saying anything I should have counted my blessings and kept my mouth shut.

Love

Dallas

Awww Dallas.  You're not a piece of crap.  Why not share with him that you feel bad now.  Tell him what you are feeling. 

I do think the phone issue is a problem.  You should be able to talk on the phone w/out having someone standing there listening or asking questions, etc.  And if you could get an hour a day to yourself to read or watch TV or something would that make you feel better?

Come back with a solution that's not so extreme...ya know what I mean?  He's going a bit overboard in his response.  Let him know exactly what you need let him know it's no more or no less.

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Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground...

Yes, I agree that he's going a bit overboard (snort!).

All he needs to do is understand that you need to have some space. You need to be left alone when you are talking on the phone, you need to have the opportunity to read a book by yourself - or whatever. Now and then, at least. Maybe he could start spending time with the kids - a weekly "date with dad" that would give each kid (even the older ones) solo time with dad. That's a good parenting thing anyway.

 

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"More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection..." (Phil 3:8,10)

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*No opposite gender PMs, please!

I totally agree he went a little overboard with his response. I would try again and remind him that you do enjoy spending lots of time with him and you would not like it if he were gone for that length of time. Then make suggestions for what would work for your needs.

You are not selfish in the least. Maybe you could join a women's bible study group or some other kind of women's only group? Would he respect that?

I've been praying for you!

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Anyone can count the number of seeds in an apple, but only God can count the number of apples in a seed.

jas97:

I totally agree he went a little overboard with his response. I would try again and remind him that you do enjoy spending lots of time with him and you would not like it if he were gone for that length of time. Then make suggestions for what would work for your needs.

You are not selfish in the least. Maybe you could join a women's bible study group or some other kind of women's only group? Would he respect that?

I've been praying for you!

He's making me feel like I stabbed him in the heart with a sword.And coming up with these pathetic lonley ways he can "give me my space".

I feel so guilty I should have never said anythng.I should have just found ways to get out of here a little bit myself.Without telling him I needed space away from him..

He told me ..even IF he felt that way about me he would never say that to someone he loves.

I've just gone and done it now.

He left yesterday and was gone 8 hours(our longest speration in years)..I know it wasnt business.He told me he would find ways to "stay away".Its a disaster.

He's been gone 6 hours now..The next longest seperation in years..I know he has "nothing to do" outside of home ...

I think he is punishing me.

I think I really hurt his feelings..

This isnt going to work.I shouldnt have said anything.I dont want him to think he has to drive around or go to movies by himself and stuff like that.

Love

Dallas

Poor Dallas!

So - when he comes back, look as fresh as a daisy (whatever). Well rested. Lavish attention on him. Give him a back rub. Cover him in chocolate and kiss it off. Whatever. Let him know that you had some time to yourself and now have been refreshed enough to share more energy with him (blah blah blah).

Good grief - even Jesus took off by Himself for refreshment and renewal. If He can do it, why shouldn't you be able to? Just because your dh doesn't seem to need that time doesn't mean that you - and others don't.

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"More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection..." (Phil 3:8,10)

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*No opposite gender PMs, please!

Oh - and ignore the "punishment". Don't cave in and look sad that you've hurt him. Just because he's acting like a pouty little boy doesn't mean that you have to go along with it.

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"More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection..." (Phil 3:8,10)

_________
*No opposite gender PMs, please!

Well..I supose I  actually miss him now.Not that much..but an inkling.I KNEW I was right.I  think Im going to be slightly happy to see him.Plus I worry how he "stayed away".

He shouldn't have to run off from his own home.We were just stuck together to much ya'll..(too much for me).I left too..I stayed at my mothers over night..and my sisters.So I didnt just put it all on him either.

I just feel really bad.

Love

Dallas

 

dallasapple:

Well..I supose I  actually miss him now.Not that much..but an inkling.I KNEW I was right.I  think Im going to be slightly happy to see him.Plus I worry how he "stayed away".

He shouldn't have to run off from his own home.We were just stuck together to much ya'll..(too much for me).I left too..I stayed at my mothers over night..and my sisters.So I didnt just put it all on him either.

I just feel really bad.

Love

Dallas

 

  You and banana are obviously used to being stuck together like glue and you just want/need your space.  He isn`t used to it, and so he is urked/hurt about it as if you don`t want to be around him all that much.

Since he left for quite some time the last couple days, now you are starting to miss him. (thats good)  Just like the song "don`t know what you got till it`s gone"    so just show him how much you really did miss him and give him a good time. ;)     Well, I hope you two were able to talk things out and understand eachother. I know, even after umpteen years of marriage, it still can be challenging huh. 

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smile... its summer!

Dallas you should voluteer to hold the babies in the NICU!!! You could spend a couple hours a day rocking and loving little ones who need it in a quiet place. Bonus you could pray for them! :)

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"No honey, those shoes are too small."
Please forgive greater than normal typo's and misspellings, I do most of my typing one handed these days.