FamilyLife Forums

hi,

i'm brand new to the FL forums. A friend from hs told me about this place. I've been married for a year. I saved myself for our marriage. Him, however, had "experience" before me. We have a wonderful marriage, and we have a loving church family. We don't yet have any kids, but are planning on starting to try within the year.

So my concern on here, and I'm very embarassed to even bring it up. I'm moreso embarrased to bring it up face-to-face to one of my bible study ladies. We are very healthy, when it comes to the sexual side of our marriage, however, here lately, my husband has been asking me to do something that, he says, turns him on immensely. As his wife, I want to do this. One slight problem though - I've never heard of what he's asking of me to do. Squirting. Has anyone else heard of this? What is it exactly? And how does a woman do it?

Thanks for any advice.

1yearin2this:

hi,

i'm brand new to the FL forums. A friend from hs told me about this place. I've been married for a year. I saved myself for our marriage. Him, however, had "experience" before me. We have a wonderful marriage, and we have a loving church family. We don't yet have any kids, but are planning on starting to try within the year.

So my concern on here, and I'm very embarassed to even bring it up. I'm moreso embarrased to bring it up face-to-face to one of my bible study ladies. We are very healthy, when it comes to the sexual side of our marriage, however, here lately, my husband has been asking me to do something that, he says, turns him on immensely. As his wife, I want to do this. One slight problem though - I've never heard of what he's asking of me to do. Squirting. Has anyone else heard of this? What is it exactly? And how does a woman do it?

Thanks for any advice.

Welcome to the forums!

I think what you are describing is known as "female ejaculation". I do NOT think it is "common" among women....A lubricant may be able to help. But, I think the most important issue for most husbands is that the wife ENJOY the experience.

You might be able to find information on it on the webmd.com website. Also, ask your primary physician or gynecologist about it.

I do recommend you read the book, "Sheet Music" by Dr. Kevin Leman.

Blessings to you and your husband.

bestofky

---

"God is more interested in changing US than in changing our circumstances. If we allow God to change us, then He'll guide us in how to change our circumstances."

If we "deserved it", it would not be "MERCY".

1yearin2this:

hi,

i'm brand new to the FL forums. A friend from hs told me about this place. I've been married for a year. I saved myself for our marriage. Him, however, had "experience" before me. We have a wonderful marriage, and we have a loving church family. We don't yet have any kids, but are planning on starting to try within the year.

So my concern on here, and I'm very embarassed to even bring it up. I'm moreso embarrased to bring it up face-to-face to one of my bible study ladies. We are very healthy, when it comes to the sexual side of our marriage, however, here lately, my husband has been asking me to do something that, he says, turns him on immensely. As his wife, I want to do this. One slight problem though - I've never heard of what he's asking of me to do. Squirting. Has anyone else heard of this? What is it exactly? And how does a woman do it?

Thanks for any advice.

Hi and welcome.  I have never heard of the term that your husband is asking of you.   Why don`t you just ask him what he means? As for how a women does it, again, it depends on what your H is wanting of you.

---

If God is for us, who can be against us? Rom. 8:31

bestofky explained what my H is asking of me right to the point! It is indeed whatever she referred to it as = female ejaculation. Though, I don't know why - but I find it embarassing to talk about. I find that I can't even talk about our sex life to our pastor - it just seems wrong. Does anyone else understand this - - it was even hard to talk about it on here, but I'm not standing face2face with any of you....

1yearin2this:

bestofky explained what my H is asking of me right to the point! It is indeed whatever she referred to it as = female ejaculation. Though, I don't know why - but I find it embarassing to talk about. I find that I can't even talk about our sex life to our pastor - it just seems wrong. Does anyone else understand this - - it was even hard to talk about it on here, but I'm not standing face2face with any of you....

I understand why you wouldn't feel comfortable discussing the issue with a pastor or anyone of the opposite sex, especially without your husband being present.

I really think that you AND your husband--TOGETHER-- need to discuss it with your gynecologist or his urologist, or your primary care physician.

TBH, I think that female ejaculation is HIGHLY unusual and that it is something that a wife just cannot "do" for her husband.... (IOW, I think that it is an UNREALISTIC expectation that your husband has because I do not think that the female has "control" over this bodily function).....and a professional physician needs to explain this to your husband.

Please try not to be bitter toward your husband....but he really needs to not focus so much on this aspect of sexual pleasure.

Blessings!

bestofky

---

"God is more interested in changing US than in changing our circumstances. If we allow God to change us, then He'll guide us in how to change our circumstances."

If we "deserved it", it would not be "MERCY".

bestofky:

1yearin2this:

bestofky explained what my H is asking of me right to the point! It is indeed whatever she referred to it as = female ejaculation. Though, I don't know why - but I find it embarassing to talk about. I find that I can't even talk about our sex life to our pastor - it just seems wrong. Does anyone else understand this - - it was even hard to talk about it on here, but I'm not standing face2face with any of you....

I understand why you wouldn't feel comfortable discussing the issue with a pastor or anyone of the opposite sex, especially without your husband being present. I really think that you AND your husband--TOGETHER-- need to discuss it with your gynecologist or his urologist, or your primary care physician. TBH, I think that female ejaculation is HIGHLY unusual and that it is something that a wife just cannot "do" for her husband.... (IOW, I think that it is an UNREALISTIC expectation that your husband has because I do not think that the female has "control" over this bodily function).....and a professional physician needs to explain this to your husband. Please try not to be bitter toward your husband....but he really needs to not focus so much on this aspect of sexual pleasure. Blessings! bestofky

Hi Best, how are you? :)

  I don`t know if I agree that a women doesn`t have control over this bodily function.  I think  the main thing is, it can just take women longer to get to that point then men. Men have to sort of hold their horses if they want their wife to "arrive", you know, stall alittle bit. Now sometimes women can`t make that happen for whatever reason. (stress, urked at him,tired, not in the mood)  who knows, but it is not that hard to accomplish that, you just have to set your mind elsewhere, forget about the daily nonsense).   Certain positions make a difference for some women.  I heard on FOTF before that women have an easier time doing that multible times in one session, where the man usually does once, maybe twice in one session if he`s not too worn out.  I know everyone`s different.

---

If God is for us, who can be against us? Rom. 8:31

1yearin2this:

bestofky explained what my H is asking of me right to the point! It is indeed whatever she referred to it as = female ejaculation. Though, I don't know why - but I find it embarassing to talk about. I find that I can't even talk about our sex life to our pastor - it just seems wrong. Does anyone else understand this - - it was even hard to talk about it on here, but I'm not standing face2face with any of you....

Are you ok with this with your H?  If so, by all means, go for it. I understand being embarrassed to discuss this in person with others, but it is not anything to be ashamed of. (not saying you are) Like I said in the other post, trying different postions can make it happen, oral sex, etc..

---

If God is for us, who can be against us? Rom. 8:31

cherina91:

bestofky:

1yearin2this:

bestofky explained what my H is asking of me right to the point! It is indeed whatever she referred to it as = female ejaculation. Though, I don't know why - but I find it embarassing to talk about. I find that I can't even talk about our sex life to our pastor - it just seems wrong. Does anyone else understand this - - it was even hard to talk about it on here, but I'm not standing face2face with any of you....

I understand why you wouldn't feel comfortable discussing the issue with a pastor or anyone of the opposite sex, especially without your husband being present. I really think that you AND your husband--TOGETHER-- need to discuss it with your gynecologist or his urologist, or your primary care physician. TBH, I think that female ejaculation is HIGHLY unusual and that it is something that a wife just cannot "do" for her husband.... (IOW, I think that it is an UNREALISTIC expectation that your husband has because I do not think that the female has "control" over this bodily function).....and a professional physician needs to explain this to your husband. Please try not to be bitter toward your husband....but he really needs to not focus so much on this aspect of sexual pleasure. Blessings! bestofky

Hi Best, how are you? :)

  I don`t know if I agree that a women doesn`t have control over this bodily function.  I think  the main thing is, it can just take women longer to get to that point then men. Men have to sort of hold their horses if they want their wife to "arrive", you know, stall alittle bit. Now sometimes women can`t make that happen for whatever reason. (stress, urked at him,tired, not in the mood)  who knows, but it is not that hard to accomplish that, you just have to set your mind elsewhere, forget about the daily nonsense).   Certain positions make a difference for some women.  I heard on FOTF before that women have an easier time doing that multible times in one session, where the man usually does once, maybe twice in one session if he`s not too worn out.  I know everyone`s different.

I'm doing really well....:) I won the Ladies milage award for the touring season (march 1-Oct 25) for our Bicycle Club...5,130 miles!!! Not bad for a girl who never learned how to ride a singles' bicycle, huh?! :) Hubby says he should get a free biking jersey, too! Like so many things, I could not have done it without him! :) I could be wrong, but it is my understanding that, unlike a male orgasm that is evidenced by ejaculation, the "female ejaculation" is DIFFERENT from a regular female orgasm. Most women do indeed "orgasm", but female ejaculation is a kind of female "super" orgasm which most women do not achieve. Female orgasms "CAN" include ejaculation but not usually. Most female orgasms are "easier" if she is lubricated (either by her own body or by an applied product) and most orgasms do have fluid expelled, but a "female ejaculation" is exactly what the OP says, a "squirting" of fluid.... I googled it and apparently there is even a controversy over whether a female even has any orgasmic fluid or not....some physicians apparently still think it is urine or merely sweat, or ejaculate from the male. Blessings! bestofky

---

"God is more interested in changing US than in changing our circumstances. If we allow God to change us, then He'll guide us in how to change our circumstances."

If we "deserved it", it would not be "MERCY".

bestofky:

cherina91:

bestofky:

1yearin2this:

bestofky explained what my H is asking of me right to the point! It is indeed whatever she referred to it as = female ejaculation. Though, I don't know why - but I find it embarassing to talk about. I find that I can't even talk about our sex life to our pastor - it just seems wrong. Does anyone else understand this - - it was even hard to talk about it on here, but I'm not standing face2face with any of you....

I understand why you wouldn't feel comfortable discussing the issue with a pastor or anyone of the opposite sex, especially without your husband being present. I really think that you AND your husband--TOGETHER-- need to discuss it with your gynecologist or his urologist, or your primary care physician. TBH, I think that female ejaculation is HIGHLY unusual and that it is something that a wife just cannot "do" for her husband.... (IOW, I think that it is an UNREALISTIC expectation that your husband has because I do not think that the female has "control" over this bodily function).....and a professional physician needs to explain this to your husband. Please try not to be bitter toward your husband....but he really needs to not focus so much on this aspect of sexual pleasure. Blessings! bestofky

Hi Best, how are you? :)

  I don`t know if I agree that a women doesn`t have control over this bodily function.  I think  the main thing is, it can just take women longer to get to that point then men. Men have to sort of hold their horses if they want their wife to "arrive", you know, stall alittle bit. Now sometimes women can`t make that happen for whatever reason. (stress, urked at him,tired, not in the mood)  who knows, but it is not that hard to accomplish that, you just have to set your mind elsewhere, forget about the daily nonsense).   Certain positions make a difference for some women.  I heard on FOTF before that women have an easier time doing that multible times in one session, where the man usually does once, maybe twice in one session if he`s not too worn out.  I know everyone`s different.

I'm doing really well....:) I won the Ladies milage award for the touring season (march 1-Oct 25) for our Bicycle Club...5,130 miles!!! Not bad for a girl who never learned how to ride a singles' bicycle, huh?! :) Hubby says he should get a free biking jersey, too! Like so many things, I could not have done it without him! :) I could be wrong, but it is my understanding that, unlike a male orgasm that is evidenced by ejaculation, the "female ejaculation" is DIFFERENT from a regular female orgasm. Most women do indeed "orgasm", but female ejaculation is a kind of female "super" orgasm which most women do not achieve. Female orgasms "CAN" include ejaculation but not usually. Most female orgasms are "easier" if she is lubricated (either by her own body or by an applied product) and most orgasms do have fluid expelled, but a "female ejaculation" is exactly what the OP says, a "squirting" of fluid.... I googled it and apparently there is even a controversy over whether a female even has any orgasmic fluid or not....some physicians apparently still think it is urine or merely sweat, or ejaculate from the male. Blessings! bestofky

Hey Best,

I`m glad you and your H are doing fine.  Congratulations for winning the bicycle club!! :)   It sounds like fun.  I need to excercise again, it`s been a while.

I apologize for confusing female ejaculation, and orgasm.   Never heard of the squirt dealy with women.  Frankly as far as feel goes, I wouldn`t see the difference.   :D      Thanks again for clarifying. 

---

If God is for us, who can be against us? Rom. 8:31

ok, so i went online and did some research, after readin everyone's responses (thank you so very much, btw - i never thought any would've answered my post - due that it's so strange [i think anyways] ). I found one website, saying that a woman should pee prior to foreplay with their mate, so if for any reason, the female thinks it's urine, she can feel better, knowing that she has urinated...

I'm sorry - i'm still in the newness of this - as I've never heard of it. Apparently, my husband says it's very popular amongst the population of women. May I restate, that my husband was sexually active prior to us. And then there's little old me - who wasn't. : / 

I hope none of you are looking down on me, or my husband for that matter, by asking me to do something like this for him. I have an appointment with a female gyno, to talk about this with her - it's really hard to discuss this sort of subject with any man, other than my husband. So, with that addressed, my husband asked me last night, if he could do something to me (again, he said it was a big turn-on for him) - and just like with the "squirting", I've never heard of it - - so if any of you know what it is, please tell me - - i wish there were a dictionary of sex, for uneducated people like myself. Ok, he asked if he could "fist" - - I have no idea what this is. Again, I'm sorry if I don't know what I'm talking about - - isn't this what this is for?

I talked to a friend of mine, who is in my bible study group. She says we seriously need marital counseling, if my husband is asking all these things of me - just because it turns him on. She says it's not normal, and it's red flags to serious signs of a bad marriage starting to happen. I'm not sure. I told her that, as his wife, I want to please him behind closed doors. The way she refers to my husband and I, is almost trash-like...I know she has talked to some of the other ladies in the group, because I've had 1-2 other women come up to me, asking whether my husband and I have started counseling on healthy married sex. On this, I don't know how to approach the subject.

Thanks to you all.

1yearin2this:

ok, so i went online and did some research, after readin everyone's responses (thank you so very much, btw - i never thought any would've answered my post - due that it's so strange [i think anyways] ). I found one website, saying that a woman should pee prior to foreplay with their mate, so if for any reason, the female thinks it's urine, she can feel better, knowing that she has urinated...

I'm sorry - i'm still in the newness of this - as I've never heard of it. Apparently, my husband says it's very popular amongst the population of women. May I restate, that my husband was sexually active prior to us. And then there's little old me - who wasn't. : / 

I hope none of you are looking down on me, or my husband for that matter, by asking me to do something like this for him. I have an appointment with a female gyno, to talk about this with her - it's really hard to discuss this sort of subject with any man, other than my husband. So, with that addressed, my husband asked me last night, if he could do something to me (again, he said it was a big turn-on for him) - and just like with the "squirting", I've never heard of it - - so if any of you know what it is, please tell me - - i wish there were a dictionary of sex, for uneducated people like myself. Ok, he asked if he could "fist" - - I have no idea what this is. Again, I'm sorry if I don't know what I'm talking about - - isn't this what this is for?

I talked to a friend of mine, who is in my bible study group. She says we seriously need marital counseling, if my husband is asking all these things of me - just because it turns him on. She says it's not normal, and it's red flags to serious signs of a bad marriage starting to happen. I'm not sure. I told her that, as his wife, I want to please him behind closed doors. The way she refers to my husband and I, is almost trash-like...I know she has talked to some of the other ladies in the group, because I've had 1-2 other women come up to me, asking whether my husband and I have started counseling on healthy married sex. On this, I don't know how to approach the subject.

Thanks to you all.

((((Oh, Honey)))), There is absolutely NOTHING "trashy" about you wanting to please your husband sexually.....and nothing wrong with your husband wanting to please YOU. As long as his focus is on pleasing you, and there is nothing painful or sinful (like the inclusion of another person or animals), then I've always been taught that "the sky's the limit". :) I take it that both you and your husband are very young, and he may be a bit over-zealous in wanting sexual pleasure. And, as I said before, perhaps a bit unrealistic in his expectations. I highly recommend that your husband accompany you and sit-in on your discussion with your gynecologist----do not be embarrassed, as a physician, she has heard it all before and will undoubtedly be able to help you. As for your other question about "fisting"...I personally have never heard of it, but if it is what I think it is, your husband would need to be very gentle with you to prevent bruising or other injury. If you feel that your husband is putting selfish requests or unrealistic expectations on you, then you definitely could benefit from counseling, also counseling with a sex therapist may be helpful as well. You may want to visit the website of Dr. Ruth Westheimer a noted psycohsexual therapist. I've never read the book, "The Joy of Sex" but you may want to check it out from your local public library....and also the book "Sheet Music" which I recommended in my first post to you may be helpful. (It is written by a Christian and gives a Christian perspective of sexuality). The Song of Solomon is also a beautiful book about sexual love. Love and prayers, bestofky

---

"God is more interested in changing US than in changing our circumstances. If we allow God to change us, then He'll guide us in how to change our circumstances."

If we "deserved it", it would not be "MERCY".

bestofky:

1yearin2this:

ok, so i went online and did some research, after readin everyone's responses (thank you so very much, btw - i never thought any would've answered my post - due that it's so strange [i think anyways] ). I found one website, saying that a woman should pee prior to foreplay with their mate, so if for any reason, the female thinks it's urine, she can feel better, knowing that she has urinated...

I'm sorry - i'm still in the newness of this - as I've never heard of it. Apparently, my husband says it's very popular amongst the population of women. May I restate, that my husband was sexually active prior to us. And then there's little old me - who wasn't. : / 

I hope none of you are looking down on me, or my husband for that matter, by asking me to do something like this for him. I have an appointment with a female gyno, to talk about this with her - it's really hard to discuss this sort of subject with any man, other than my husband. So, with that addressed, my husband asked me last night, if he could do something to me (again, he said it was a big turn-on for him) - and just like with the "squirting", I've never heard of it - - so if any of you know what it is, please tell me - - i wish there were a dictionary of sex, for uneducated people like myself. Ok, he asked if he could "fist" - - I have no idea what this is. Again, I'm sorry if I don't know what I'm talking about - - isn't this what this is for?

I talked to a friend of mine, who is in my bible study group. She says we seriously need marital counseling, if my husband is asking all these things of me - just because it turns him on. She says it's not normal, and it's red flags to serious signs of a bad marriage starting to happen. I'm not sure. I told her that, as his wife, I want to please him behind closed doors. The way she refers to my husband and I, is almost trash-like...I know she has talked to some of the other ladies in the group, because I've had 1-2 other women come up to me, asking whether my husband and I have started counseling on healthy married sex. On this, I don't know how to approach the subject.

Thanks to you all.

((((Oh, Honey)))), There is absolutely NOTHING "trashy" about you wanting to please your husband sexually.....and nothing wrong with your husband wanting to please YOU. As long as his focus is on pleasing you, and there is nothing painful or sinful (like the inclusion of another person or animals), then I've always been taught that "the sky's the limit". :) I take it that both you and your husband are very young, and he may be a bit over-zealous in wanting sexual pleasure. And, as I said before, perhaps a bit unrealistic in his expectations. I highly recommend that your husband accompany you and sit-in on your discussion with your gynecologist----do not be embarrassed, as a physician, she has heard it all before and will undoubtedly be able to help you. As for your other question about "fisting"...I personally have never heard of it, but if it is what I think it is, your husband would need to be very gentle with you to prevent bruising or other injury. If you feel that your husband is putting selfish requests or unrealistic expectations on you, then you definitely could benefit from counseling, also counseling with a sex therapist may be helpful as well. You may want to visit the website of Dr. Ruth Westheimer a noted psycohsexual therapist. I've never read the book, "The Joy of Sex" but you may want to check it out from your local public library....and also the book "Sheet Music" which I recommended in my first post to you may be helpful. (It is written by a Christian and gives a Christian perspective of sexuality). The Song of Solomon is also a beautiful book about sexual love. Love and prayers, bestofky

Excellent post Best!   I have never heard of "fisting" either... If it`s what I think it is, then thats not for me.

---

If God is for us, who can be against us? Rom. 8:31

ok...so i did a google search on "fisting" - and a whole bunch of pornographic sites came up. I still don't know what it is, but the fact that they came up, makes me think it's not good. My husband and I never really dove too deep into the waters of his "past experiences" - but I'm taking a stab at it, that if he knows all these weird things, he must have done ALOT of things!

My gyno got me in earlier than what was originally planned. We went today as a couple - - and my gyno wouldn't even discuss the two topics i brought about (the two subjects listed on here) with my husband and I. When asked as to why not, she stated it's too embarassing for her to talk about. This had really got me wondering, so when I got back home, I grinded tooth & nail, and just forced myself to research to find out just what exactly fisting is.

I'll first say that we are both in our mid-30s, no kids. Secondly, as far as what it is exactly - it would be like having a baby, and then sticking/pushing it back inside of you! ugh! My first initial reaction to what I saw, was complete utter disgust! But my husband says I'm supposed to submit myself to him - emotionally, mentally, even sexually. So does this mean that I'm supposed to let him "fist" me? He's wanting to do it (really embarassed to admit this) analy? He said it completely turns him on, and that as his wife, I'm supposed to let him do whatever to me.

I'm starting to get worried. Help!

PS - we are both christians, born-again christians. but i'm starting t get worried about this stuff...i mean, does he have some sort of pornographic-type addiciton, with me? that sounds very strange, but could it happen?

Whoa Whoa Whoa hold on here a minute. I'm very concerned that red warning flags have not been flying high here amongst the responders here. 1yearin2this you need to understand that the only way that your husband could have known about these activities, or even have cultivated an appitite for them is from pornography. Take the responses of the former posters who have never heard of them as an example. If you want to have the kind of marriage that the Lord intended for you, and if you want to maintain the intimacy that nurtures both of you then you have to confront him and ask him if he is involved with pornography. Yesturday it was female ejaculation, today it is fisting (penetration of the vagina or anus with a fist), tomorrow it may very well be group sex or swinging. Joshua Harris wrote a book called Not Even A Hint addressing many of these issues and one of his quotes is

He wants us to eliminate any kind of impurity in our thoughts and actions. He (God) wants us to dig down into our hearts and uproot sexual greediness, which is always seeking a new sexual thrill. (Pg 23)

The result (of giving into lust) is that lust can never be quenched. As soon as the object of lust is attained, lust wants something more. (Pg 41) [Ephesians 4:19] As one who has had decades of experience in dealing with this issue I implore you to fervently inquire of God as to how to handle this, what to say and what to do. The council of the Holy Spirit in this matter is essential and His Word which is sharper than any two edged sword will divide between the flesh and the Spirit, The Holy Spirit knows what is in your husbands heart and will guide you accordingly.

Hoplon