FamilyLife Forums

Think I just need prayer with this one or maybe some feedback from others.  Our 17yo son is in love for the first time in his life!  He has not dated before he started dating this girl, other than a girl from church who was more of a friend.  He has liked the girl he is dating now (he met her at school) for a couple of years.  She is much younger - just turned 15. 

They are very much all over each other.  My h has had to tell our son to cool it down because they sit right opposite us in a restaurant and they are all over each other!  They do the same thing in our home when they eat with us, and it can make for some uncomfortable meal times.  We have two younger boys who are soaking it all up of course. 

So far as we know, they are having a chaste relationship.  Both wear "true love waits" rings, she has started to attend our church with him, and they are certainly monitored in our homes by us in our house, and by the girl's mom in their home.  What they get up to when they are not in our homes, we don't know.  (Our son does have a car.)

This Sunday, our son turned up at church with a hickey on his neck.  :(  I wasn't at church that morning, but my h only saw it for the first time that day.  We figure it must have happened the day before because our son and his g/f had tried to cover it up with make-up before church.  The g/f's mom was so mad (she has also just started to attend our church) that she ended up going home.  Before she did, she talked to both our son and her daughter outside.  My h also talked to our son and told him that this should not ever happen again.  I said to my h that it does make it clear that their relationship is becoming far more 'hot and heavy' than we had thought.  I have to be honest and admit that I have given/received those things as a teen, and it was never just an innocent mistake.  (They say that they didn't know she has done it.)

My h asked me if he thought I should talk to the g/f and I said no, we should just talk to our son, but the g/f's mom is closer to our son than we are to the g/f .. if that makes sense?  He has spent more time at their house than she has spent at ours, because the mom wanted to get to know him before she would let him date her daughter.  Evidently she feels able to reprimand him when we don't feel able to reprimand the g/f.  Does this make sense?  LOL.  Anyway .. I was very uncomfortable that at least our 13yo son saw and understood what was on his brother's neck (the 9yo is in a world of his own!) and our church family saw it, and it's all very yucky.  A lot of the teens at our church look up to our boy, and in the past it was with good reason because he is a good kid, but now I'm not so sure that the parents will be appreciative of him as a role model. 

Any thoughts? 

One comment I'd like to make is that it's not clear from your post exactly what you boundaries for their seeing each other are?  What are your boundaries?  Why is a hickey cause for alarm?  In your eyes, what are reasonable moral expectations for teens who are dating.  I don't mean how can they be angelic and saintly and nauseatingly pure.  I mean what in your opinion are the absolute no's, what are the "ok's to do but not in public", what are the "it's not a sin but it can lead you down the wrong road," etc?

I'm not questioning what your answers will be and I'm not trying to persuade you to change your boundaries, but I do know that before communicating boundaries to kids, it is wisest to have a firm idea for yourself of what's good and what's bad and why.

It sounds like you all are establishing boundaries quite nicely.  It's sort of like exploring new territory don't you think? 

If you feel uncomfortable w/the relationship than maybe they need more boundaries.  Such as only seeing one another a certain length of time a certain number of times a week.  Taking a cooling off period...we've done both w/our oldest.  She's still w/her b/f, on the 14th of this month it will be 2 years.  She's going to be 18 on the 17th & is a senior in HS, he is 19 & is attending his first year in college.  We've relaxed a bit on the boundaries because they've proven themselves responsible & trustworthy but it has taken a lot of time, a lot of talks, etc to get there...and there is still boundaries in place & will be until she is either on her own footing her own bills or IF they marry...which if they do I know they will wait for college to be over, they have their heads on straight.

Kids do need boundaries of course.  But this being a new experience for you, your hubby & son I'm sure you'll have some learning & growing to do all around...we did!

 

---

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground...

Grand Illusion:

One comment I'd like to make is that it's not clear from your post exactly what you boundaries for their seeing each other are?  What are your boundaries?  Why is a hickey cause for alarm?  In your eyes, what are reasonable moral expectations for teens who are dating.  I don't mean how can they be angelic and saintly and nauseatingly pure.  I mean what in your opinion are the absolute no's, what are the "ok's to do but not in public", what are the "it's not a sin but it can lead you down the wrong road," etc?

I'm not questioning what your answers will be and I'm not trying to persuade you to change your boundaries, but I do know that before communicating boundaries to kids, it is wisest to have a firm idea for yourself of what's good and what's bad and why.

Like BHL says, it's new territory for us.  This is our eldest boy's first *real* g/f (he has had lots of friends who are girls, IYKWIM.)  I was surprised and pleased that she had gotten the "true love waits" rings - and they wear a half of that ring each.  I told him that I was pleased, and that I hoped he stuck by that.

Mainly, at first, our concern was how young this girl is.  She was 14 when they started dating, and my h - in his talks with our son - focused more on how our son did not want to "go there" and run the risk of a statutory rape charge!  In hindsight, we should have been saying that no matter her age, they didn't want to be having sex because ... x, y and z, and make those reasons why not moral, Christian reasons. 

We do have some absolute no's - they are never left entirely alone.  DS wanted to babysit our other two boys with the g/f in the house while we were out and that was a big NO.  I told him then, much to his horror, that he will never be alone with *any* g/f in our home, until/unless they are married.  I think that was a major wake up call and very unexpected to him.  So, that's a boundary.  We have also asked him to have some consideration for others at the dinner table, and when around others.  They were nauseatingly all over each other during a few meals and, again, I have these other two young boys watching every move that big brother makes!  So, that has been cut down quite a lot. 

I found out last night that our son shaves his navel hair into a narrow strip ... because his g/f likes to play with it!!  My question was what on earth was his g/f doing playing with his navel hair.  That is very intimate, imo.  It tells me that there is a lot of exploration/touching going on that is in essence playing with fire.  My response, knee jerk and rather sarcastic, was to ask what part of "true love" were they actually "waiting" for?  If they are doing everything but penetrative sex, there isn't much "waiting" going on. 

The reason that the hickey troubled me, and I don't know if I said this in my post, and can't see my post to check right now - is that I have had those too in the past, and they were given/received only when things were getting very hot and heavy.  You don't get or give a hickey from kissing hello/goodbye. 

So .. yeah.  Our boy is under the impression that now he is 17 no-one can tell him what to do, or make him do anything.  In some respects I know he is flexing his adult muscles and figure out the world, but he's very wrong if he thinks that 17 OR 18 means that he can do anything he pleases.  Yes, he's going to junior college next year, but he's still living at home, which opens a whole new can of worms about how we will work that out when he is legally an adult, living an adult life outside of the home, but a child inside the home.  KWIM?  My h and I are talking about it a LOT, but often my h wants to hide his head in the sand and say he will worry about that next May, when ds turns 18.  I would rather not worry about it at all, but rather work it out now so that we have a plan in place by the time he turns 18.  My h is also anxious not to end up with the appalling relationship with his son that he had with his father at this age.  He doesn't want to drive him away.  Nor do I.  But nor am I going to sanction ds having a sexual relationship with his g/f just to keep him happy!!  My h, I might add, is also a little "in love" with this whole high school dating thing.  It takes him back to his teen days .. *sigh*  Sorry, there's a lot of back history there that I'm not going to get into now.

I'm just really confused I guess.  I don't expect any of our boys to be saintly, they're just boys, and they are wonderful and so well behaved and so GOOD!!  I love them to death.  But I don't want for them to make my mistakes - or their dad's mistakes - and I don't want this girl (who I also love, in case I didn't say so before), to end up pregnant at 15 (she just turned 15), and trying to cope with that or, worse, feeling that she has to abort a pregnancy.  Or even without that extreme, if they split up in a year or so, they had this tremendous intimate relationship, and nothing is ever going to be the same again in their future relationships because they did too much, too soon.  I know how all of that works.  :(  It sucks. 

This is turning into a book!  Don't know if I answered any questions here or just vented some more ..

BcauseHeLives:

It sounds like you all are establishing boundaries quite nicely.  It's sort of like exploring new territory don't you think? 

If you feel uncomfortable w/the relationship than maybe they need more boundaries.  Such as only seeing one another a certain length of time a certain number of times a week.  Taking a cooling off period...we've done both w/our oldest.  She's still w/her b/f, on the 14th of this month it will be 2 years.  She's going to be 18 on the 17th & is a senior in HS, he is 19 & is attending his first year in college.  We've relaxed a bit on the boundaries because they've proven themselves responsible & trustworthy but it has taken a lot of time, a lot of talks, etc to get there...and there is still boundaries in place & will be until she is either on her own footing her own bills or IF they marry...which if they do I know they will wait for college to be over, they have their heads on straight.

Kids do need boundaries of course.  But this being a new experience for you, your hubby & son I'm sure you'll have some learning & growing to do all around...we did!

Thanks Cass.  This is what I had hoped to hear about .. other parents going through this process for the first time with their teens.

My h has talked a few times about limiting the time they spend together during the week.  DS is a senior now, so he has only a half day at school and not much homework, but homework comes first, and then Tues-Sat he is supposed to work, but the restaurant he works at is not getting much business right now (it's a very small restaurant run by the mom of our church secretary!) so on nights when he doesn't work, his inevitable question is "can I go to Dawn's house?"  He spends all day Saturday with her until he goes to work, Sunday she comes to church, then to our house, they hang out, then usually go to her house for the evening, then Monday evening they spend together, and if he doesn't work Tues, Weds, Thurs, Fri, he will head to her house those nights, or she will come to our house.  It's a lot!  They have been dating for about 3 months now, so I guess we thought it would wear off but not so much!

I think that with college in the near future, we need to establish ground rules that are fair but firm.  But I don't know how to do it.  I'm struggling to get my h involved with his "we'll figure it out next year" attitude.  It's driving me nuts!!

The bonuses are that both she and her mom now attend her church.  I am *so* delighted about that.  Neither of them have been church attenders regularly - I don't know whether they consider themselves to be Christians or not - but now they are regulars at our church.  :)  I hope that I can help to bring them to Christ if they aren't there, but if they are, then awesome!! 

Oh my, I can so relate Jane.  Even now we have to hold those two back from seeing one another so much.  It's funny I said they were doing good & we were able to relax a bit on the boundaries a bit but then we realized our DD was taking total advantage when she decided all on her very own that she would invite her b/f out to watch a movie on a school night!

When he showed up, I had to ask him to go back home...ugh...I felt terrible but she was obviously trying to push the boundaries.  She cried, acted like it was the end of the world for about 10 minutes, got her phone taken away for being mouthy...but she now knows she still has limits...even though she'll be 18 in one week!

The rule is back in place.  They can see one another Friday & Saturday evenings. They see one another on Wednesdays & Sundays at church...he can drive her home but cannot stay to visit either night.  Occasionally we'll let her go to dinner w/his family on Sundays or he w/us. 

She went on about how next year she'll be in college too & they won't hardly get to see one another...oh they can really play a swan song when they want to.  I told her as much as I'd love to just make her happy & let her do whatever she thinks will make her happy her Dad & I really are commissioned by God to keep her on the righteous path and seeing one another 4 to 5 times a week or more is just too much at their age & as b/f & g/f.  It's not marriage...it's dating...and they need to keep that in mind & keep their relationship pure in obedience & respect to the Lord.

<sigh> some day she'll understand when she has her own kids!

This is what we have always told the girls in regards to having boundaries & being accountable to us as their parents...when they are off our pay role they no longer have to follow all our rules.  We'll still hold them accountable to Christ-like morals even after that...once they are married they are gone & cleaving to their DH's and we're in the advisor role.

So we've heard the whole...well I'll just pay my own way then!  And our response is...that means for a vehicle, rent, food, insurance, phone bills, electric bills, etc, etc.  You will be grown soon enough...enjoy your "childhood" as much as you can for as long as you can!

They are off our payrole when they graduate from college & have their own steady paycheck coming in.  We're always going to be there for them...always willing to help where we can & where we feel it's not going to interfere with their lives & their growth.

Yeah we've had the whole talk w/them.  This happened last year when Ashlynn was witnessing her b/f's own right of passage as a senior and legal adulthood at 18.  His parents have pretty much the same thoughts as we do in this area...it seems anyway, I've never really discussed it in detail with his Mom.

It is unchartered territory for us too...you are so right, there needs to be a plan.  At the same time it's hard to plan in detail because life doesn't always happen as we want it to.  So I'm trusting God will get us through the of course "surprises" we're bound to be in for w/5 girls (hopefully never pregnancy...but being realistic it is a possibility).

I have a friend who thinks we're insanely controlling...I have another friend who thinks we're too loose.  We're just doing the best we can & I'm trusting God will give us guidance when we need it! 

 

---

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground...

This is a tuff one..

I would stress to your son the gruesome details of the pain and agony of a breakup when you have been very physically intimate or had sex.I would stress to him that it may be hard for him to believe but the odds they will be together forever are slim to none.And at that age the odds are it won't be a mutual decison.It will be one or the other of them losing that infatuation and new love(feeling) and finding it with the next person.That this is not a game.He should take responsibility if he really cares about this girl not to end up ripping her heart out of her body if he ends up beign the first one to lose interest.And he should care enough too about his own heart to protect it in this way.It also needs to be stressed to him that it doesnt seem like a lot but in that period of life the 2+ years he has on her is significant.And he needs to "pracice" leading in love by protecting her.I would get "mean" and tell him he is being selfish and wreckless with her heart.And I dont CARE if she is all over him.Let him know break ups are hard..but once you have involved heavy physical intimacy its a tearing of the flesh..

Because I hate to be cynical but if she has access to his navel hair and they are alone long enough to give each other hickies they are well on their way to having sex Jane.Or like you said..even everything but vaginal penetration.If she had time to give him a hickey..and she has access to his 'belly button" then she has opportunity and access to perform oral.

But in the long run ..short of NEVER(not even for 30 seconds) letting them be alone if they are going to do it they will find the opportunity.So as I said I would be mean and guilt trip him but at the same TIME let him know his feeelings and desires are not wrong or evil and they are normal feelings to have.But acting on them changes the WHOLE story.

OH and the hickey?..I would ask him how he would feel if you and his dad were walking around in front of people with fresh evidence of your sexual activity?When I see people kids or adults with those on their neck I istantly think "ignorant'.And let him know that making out is in fact sexual activity.Its called "foreplay".

You cant just tell them she "might get pregnant" or "he could be charged with rape".You have to go into detail the emotional wreckage and hardships they will be vulnerable to if they dont put on the breaks now.

Ask him what is he going to do when he finds out she 'made out" with another boy?Ask him to PICTURE her doing the same exact things she does with him with one of his classmates?Including playing with his belly button hair.

Does that fill him with sadness..jealousy and even rage?Then ask him to picture her with that same boy just having lunch together and does he have the same level of hurt and confusion thinking of that?If he is honest the latter would not rip his heart out.Then tell him THATS the difference.

Love

Dallas

dallasapple:

Because I hate to be cynical but if she has access to his navel hair and they are alone long enough to give each other hickies they are well on their way to having sex Jane.Or like you said..even everything but vaginal penetration.If she had time to give him a hickey..and she has access to his 'belly button" then she has opportunity and access to perform oral.

I agree.

I wouldn't have said "opportunity and access to perform oral"... I'd say opportunity and time to do pretty much anything they want.

Please understand, Jane, I'm not talking about YOUR son - I'm speaking in general terms....

Being well-behaved and "good" in front of parents or in school or church means absolutely nothing as far as what could be going on wherever else. 

The hickey shows that they are making out well beyond just simple kissing.  That your son has shaved his "navel hair" to please his gf means they are at a point of comfort in revealing their bodies and touching each other.  (I'm not sure what "navel hair" is, but I'll take it to mean hair from his belly button and heading south from there).

If she is touching him in that area, and they are kissing and making out, then he is incredibly aroused.   His natural feelings and desire and hormones are kicked in and driving him.

And in my opinion - at the risk of offending some parents here - a 17yo boy in that situation is NOT thinking about bible verses and purity.

I'm not going to get into details here.  If you want to talk about this, let me know.  But I can tell you that when I was in high school, I was a great student, I didn't get in trouble, I didn't cause my parents problems or worry....  and when I was 16 I was having an active sexual relationship with a girl who was 14.  And I think she was 13 when we started.

Again, I'm not saying anything about YOUR son.  But I think the ONLY reasonable and honest assumption you can make is that they are either already having sex or soon will be on their present path..

---

Love God; Love people.

Seek first to understand before you seek to be understood.

Step 1: Toast the Poptart.

I have to agree with those that say that he's already doing far more than he should be in terms of physical (sexual) interaction. Whether that involves actual intercourse at this point is of little importance, it WILL eventually lead there unless drastic measures are taken to stop it.

---

Chaz345

This is not a forum I post in or even read in, but noticing Chaz's name on the front page I came here out of curiosity, just to see what Chaz was saying, since he has just returned after an enforced absence.
I don't know whether what I say will be of any benefit, but here goes.

First, the way God designed the male and female bodies, when it comes to sexual desire and interest, there is a process, or really a continuum that gets entered into.  Once that process has been entered, those who have entered it will find themselves moving along that continuum until the end is reached. That end is full intercourse. From a physiological viewpoint, that is natural, it's the way God created us.
When a male and female who have a sexual interest in each other are alone together in a context of physical closeness the outcome was intended by God to lead "all the way". The only alternative answer to that outcome is to not be in such physical proximity.

As it turns out, God also created us as moral beings. Along with that, humans were given guidelines, rules, laws etc to overlay the natural physical needs and desires. As an integral part of that, humans are accountable to Him, and their destiny both in this life and in eternity, is entwined with, and determined by their behaviour.

None of that is new to you who read here. To integrate the above two positions, human society constructed protocols to enable individuals to be protected from being swept along by their basic physical desires.
So barriers were put in place. We could assign 5 or 10 barriers, or whatever, to that process. In some ancient societies, girls and boys were raised in a separate manner, and when at marriageable age were introduced to each other. Where arranged marriages were the norm, the likelihood of premarital sex was very minimal.
Another barrier would be sexual morals or ethics that determined that sex before marriage was a no no. Christian civilization followed that path.
A further barrier was the self-imposed restriction on physical touching of any kind. When that barrier was relaxed, holding hands was regarded as acceptable. Then maybe a goodbye hug, but enacted as briefly as possible. After that a quick kiss could be allowed.

But, as we all know, the "in love" desires are never satisfied with any of those levels of physical intimacy. There are strong urges to go further. That is why barriers need to exist. Once upon a time those barriers were imposed by the society in which we lived. But with those gone, it now falls almost entirely on the individuals, and if they don't have a proper set of values that they strictly observe, then it can easily become anything-goes.

The 1980 movie, "Blue Lagoon", could be described as an excuse to promote teenage and underage sexual promiscuity. "Doing what comes naturally" being promoted as the healthy way for teens to live.
Then there is the raft of current "christian" celebs that engage in pre, extra, and post marital sex. So christian young people trying to remain sexually pure will find themselves swimming against the current in a society that is going the other way.

The only way that an unmarried couple are going to avoid getting to home base before the marriage is if there are barriers put in place. Either by those around them - as was the case with societal rules - or barriers imposed by family, e.g. chaperones, or by the couple themselves. Once, it was deemed inappropriate for an unmarried  christian couple to holiday alone together. But now it seems to be common. Goodness knows what kind of rules they use to keep apart. It would be difficult for all but those with iron wills.

To summarise, The weakness of human nature when under the pressure of sexual desire is such that the barriers really need to put in place by others, and to which the couple subscribe. That is what the chastity pledge movement was trying to achieve. Joshua Harris wrote about it in "I Kissed Dating Goodbye".
The average red blooded young man or woman can't stand alone against the power of sex, they need some protocol that has been fashioned and put in place - and even enforced -by others, whether family, church, or society.
Another long-winded post!

Sorry guys, I haven't been very good at keeping up with this thread.  I appreciate the thoughts and feedback. 

Dallas, I didn't think you were being negative, or cynical, but just realistic, and Holten I know what you mean about talking in general terms.  I know that when they are alone in his car, anything can happen.  That's why we have just had to trust them, and hope that everything we have said has sunk in at some level.

When I say they are "good", I don't mean that our boys are little angels.  I just mean that, compared to some kids I know about, they are very good kids.  Yeah, there is some talking back, some resistance to helping out, and general other "kid" stuff but - by and large - they are just awesome, kind, thoughtful human beings.  But then there are hormones ...

I was more frustrated I think because of the "true love waits" rings, and why on earth do that if you're not going to wait?  We didn't ask for it.  We didn't even expect it!  When I saw my son was wearing one, I asked him and he told me that his g/f had gotten it for him, and that they each wear half.  So, again, exactly what is it that they are "waiting" for?  And this may be something I can get my h to ask our son, becuase I have tried to leave those kind of talks as man to man.  But bear in mind that my h had sex for the first time when he was 15, and that the only concern he has with our son are that mainly this girl is under-age and secondly that he doesn't want her to get pregnant.  Outside of that, he feels that it's only to be expected that, at some point, our son will have sex with his g/f, whether it's this g/f or another.  For me, I had kind of hoped that our boys wouldn't go that route, and that perhaps they would wait for marriage and not end up with all of the issues that my h and I have had through our promiscuous behavior during the teen years.

Chaz, what kind of *drastic* measures do you mean? 

I don't know that we can keep them from seeing each other.  Our son is 17.  Next year he will be 18 and a freshman in college.  He has fairly good grades, a part-time job, and he's pretty responsible and well behaved.  There has been no smoking, drinking or drug taking and, yes, we would have known.  We have always kept close tabs on our kids, and they don't ever come home to an empty house, other than the eldest does sometimes now, and we have monitored what they watch and listen to .. which has been hard, trust me.  He is not allowed to be alone in the house with his g/f, either in our home, or hers.  Yes, they are alone when he picks her up to take her someplace, and between our homes.  They could sneak off anywhere at that point - but we can't control any of that. 

I'm frustrated by it all.  And this is #1 son .. so, yeah, more fun to come ..

JaneFW:

Sorry guys, I haven't been very good at keeping up with this thread.  I appreciate the thoughts and feedback. 

Dallas, I didn't think you were being negative, or cynical, but just realistic, and Holten I know what you mean about talking in general terms.  I know that when they are alone in his car, anything can happen.  That's why we have just had to trust them, and hope that everything we have said has sunk in at some level.

When I say they are "good", I don't mean that our boys are little angels.  I just mean that, compared to some kids I know about, they are very good kids.  Yeah, there is some talking back, some resistance to helping out, and general other "kid" stuff but - by and large - they are just awesome, kind, thoughtful human beings.  But then there are hormones ...

I was more frustrated I think because of the "true love waits" rings, and why on earth do that if you're not going to wait?  We didn't ask for it.  We didn't even expect it!  When I saw my son was wearing one, I asked him and he told me that his g/f had gotten it for him, and that they each wear half.  So, again, exactly what is it that they are "waiting" for?  And this may be something I can get my h to ask our son, becuase I have tried to leave those kind of talks as man to man.  But bear in mind that my h had sex for the first time when he was 15, and that the only concern he has with our son are that mainly this girl is under-age and secondly that he doesn't want her to get pregnant.  Outside of that, he feels that it's only to be expected that, at some point, our son will have sex with his g/f, whether it's this g/f or another.  For me, I had kind of hoped that our boys wouldn't go that route, and that perhaps they would wait for marriage and not end up with all of the issues that my h and I have had through our promiscuous behavior during the teen years.

Chaz, what kind of *drastic* measures do you mean? 

I don't know that we can keep them from seeing each other.  Our son is 17.  Next year he will be 18 and a freshman in college.  He has fairly good grades, a part-time job, and he's pretty responsible and well behaved.  There has been no smoking, drinking or drug taking and, yes, we would have known.  We have always kept close tabs on our kids, and they don't ever come home to an empty house, other than the eldest does sometimes now, and we have monitored what they watch and listen to .. which has been hard, trust me.  He is not allowed to be alone in the house with his g/f, either in our home, or hers.  Yes, they are alone when he picks her up to take her someplace, and between our homes.  They could sneak off anywhere at that point - but we can't control any of that. 

I'm frustrated by it all.  And this is #1 son .. so, yeah, more fun to come ..

Hi JaneW!! :)   I can relate with the teen thing.  It can be so tiresome, cant it?  They can give you grey hair for pete`s sake.  I will pray for your situation.  I know we all want the best for our kids, and wonder, what went wrong.  I think alot of the worldy influences play alot in things.    (not blaming, just a fact)     The way you describe your boys, they sound like fine young men.  ((hugs))

---

If God is for us, who can be against us? Rom. 8:31

Hey JaneW,

Praying for you and your family in this circumstance.   I know it`s hard, but we have a Good God who already knows and cares sweetie.

---

If God is for us, who can be against us? Rom. 8:31

JaneFW:

Chaz, what kind of *drastic* measures do you mean? 

Finding ways to reduce or eliminate time that they are alone together.

---

Chaz345

As a teen I can remember having a hickey a time or two and it didn't mean anything was going on beyond kissing.  I think I just wanted to seem "cool".  There's not a lot you can do except keep the lines of communication open and pray for you son and his girlfriend.