As some of you will remember, my husband and I have been separated for two and a half years. He has been living with the OW with whom he was committing adultery with. We reconcilled this past November and he left. He came home three weeks ago (I do not want to mention my husband's name for privacy reasons) and now he is in the midst of a crisis.
My husband was diagnosed with manic depression (bi-polar disorder) over a year ago. His first accurate diagnosis. Years ago we sought treatment for what the doctor stated was depression. He went to therapy, would take medication and then would feel better and stop. After this last diagnosis, he started treatment and later stopped. Starting a new cycle once again. He thought he could overcome it on his own, but he could not.
He came home three weeks ago on a downward spiral. Wanting to isolate himself from everyone. The past week has been the worse. I daily encouraged him to seek help. To which he said he was but did not want me or anyone else to be a part of. His sleep patterns were off. No sleep at night, slept most of the day. It was difficult to get him up and get him to eat. I advised my therapist of this. I said I need to do an intervention with him. She said that if he did not get up and was able to get to work today, then I would have to intervene. I called his sister. I explained it to her. I told her this needed to be the whole family. I told her if he did not agree, that other measures would have to be taken.
Yesterday at lunch, I came home to bring him lunch. I managed to get him up and to eat. After work, when I came home yesterday, he did not look well. He kept telling me that he was in trouble (used another word). I said that I was there to help and that he was not alone. He said he would have to go away (meaning hospital). I told him that was okay. That going to the hospital meant that he was going to get help. He went from being sad/scarred/tears to being angry and verbally abusive. He said he did not want me near him, that I would not be the one to take him to the hospital. I told him that his well being was my priorty. That he simply needed help.
He called the OW to come pick him up and take him to the hospital. I got on the phone with her and advised her that my only concern was for his well being and safety. I would put aside all other issues for his sake, I adivsed that I wanted to come along and be informed. My husband did not want me to go along and wanted me not to be involved at all. Especially if decisions needed to be made, I being his wife could legally make some decisions. She then advised that I was no longer his next of kin. I hung up and spoke to his sister and asked her to mediate the situation.
I allowed the OW into my home, I humbly asked that I be kept informed. He was hesitant to leave. He told me how sorry he was for doing this to me. I assured him that what mattered most was him receiving the help he needed. She went into our room to help him put on his shirt.
I cannot not begin to describe how broken and humiliated I felt. I have been by my husband's side for 21 years and now had to step outside and let this OW assist him in our home and drive him to the hospital. I would do it over again, because what matters most was him getting help. He was admitted at 1:30 a.m. I am worried sick about him. I have no information. He will not have any visitors, but I do not know for how long.
Before he left he hugged me and told me he was scarred. I wonder how he spent the night, have they started him on medication, what course of treatment will they implement, how long do they recommend he stay....
I feel like I failed my husband. I was not agressive enough with him on his keeping up with treatment. I know that he has not being living with me for a very long time, I sit here and wonder what else could I have done. I know that it is up to him to stay on treatment, but I feel like this is all my fault.
His family feels he deteriorates when he is with me. Not a fair statment. When he came home three weeks ago he was already in a bout of depression. He told me he feels safe when he is home. He even told his sister. He is struggling and my hearts aches and breaks for him. I just want to see him start his recovery where he starts to feel better and becomes healthier.
Right now, I'm struggling. I do blame myself in part for his condition. I'm besides myself. I love my husband so very much. I'm worried sick. At the same time, I am hurt by his choosing the OW over me to take him to the hospital and listing her of his next kin. Sometimes, I feels he hates me and clearly he does not trust me right now. I realize that this could very well be part of his disorder and that he is not capable of making sound decisions. But it does not take the hurt away.
Please pray that God brings complete healing to my husband. That God would be the lighting guide with all the physicians that are treating him. That my husband is able to feel God's love, serenity and peace. I pray that he does not feel alone. I pray that God's penetrating light will lift him up out of this darkness.
Please pray for me and our children as well.
