I don't know how many widows read here - maybe not very active. Somehow, I'd expected more posts. NOBODY could have loved their spouse/soul mate more than I loved Marty, but HE IS NOT GOING TO COME BACK and I don't really feel like I'm betraying him now.
I copied from this onto another site (frankly the meso digest), and there was absolutely not one comment about it - kinda surprised me, but that's OK. Anyhow, Life is for the living, and so we must go on.
I was very lonely and quite sad without Marty, and I got active in attending church on Sunday, Bible study on Tuesday nites, activity with women of church, lunch with couples from church on Sunday, going movies with singles and/or couples, get together to play cards, etc.... and reach out to other people, esp single ladies. I'd gotten to point I was CONTENT and that IS A VERY, VERY GOOD PLACE TO BE.
I'd told my family, I was content, but if the Lord were getting up a busload to go to heaven, I'd be fighting for a place in line.
Now I'm at a point where I actually feel happy, and enjoying just knowing I look good and feel alive. Went to a neighbor's Saturday before a women's get together with church ladies --- went to neighbor's to pick some grapefruit. She came out and first thing out of her mouth was, 'LOIS, YOU LOOK 10 YEARS YOUNGER!" Anyhow, stopped to see my granddaughter at her work on my way home from running up to CHICO's yesterday, and she said, 'GRANDMA, I THINK YOU LOOK HAPPY." I told her I am, and that if the Lord told me He's going to get a busload, I might even ask him if I could wait and get the next one. I don't have another date planned, allthough I did tell Patrick since my 'GIRL' friend will be here this week I'll be cooking for 2 of us, so it's just as easy to cook for 3, and if he and I continue to be friends, he'll always hear about her and she'll always here about him ... Barbara's husband died Sep 20th, and they are ones went to HS with Marty, I found them on net, we went to Florida and shared time share, took Marty's sweet butt to their home in Reno before he went on Hospice, she and I took her husband (he had Parkinson's) to Hawaii last year --- we didn't tell him, but like kinda a last "hurrah" for him ... she rented a time share, I rented a van, they took his motorized scooter and at dif parks in Hawaii, I'd recruit some guy or guys to ask to help me get the scooter out of van, and they would gladly do it without me even needing to help. Anyhow, I gotta go vacuum her room.
Angel's getting weaker. Last nite she did not try to get onto stacked stools to try to get onto my bed. So, I picked her up and put her in bed. Called a friend and asked if I needed, if she would take us to vet today --- I not let Angel suffer. Anyhow, ANGEL doing OK today. In mid nite I got up to take her outside potty and she acted little stronger. My girlfriend called this a.m. to see if we need to go vet, told her no, but I'm glad to know she's willing whenever the time comes. Love you guys! Lois
Lois, Poolboy's mermaid
Marty was stage 3/4 - pleural meso 3/9/07
fought valiantly 27 months
gone to Heaven June 16, 2009